A relationship therapist tells you what the deal details are in the relationship

After a new TV series called GrandpaNPO, commissioned a study on deal-breaking in a relationship.

What should and should not be shared with your partner? Relationship therapist Ryan Royce believes that you shouldn’t always share everything with your partner. “Protecting your independence is very important. Even if you’re shamelessly pinching your nose or sitting alone on the couch Guilty pleasure Watch soap operas,” she says.

“it will be full of dangers When you do something and consciously choose to keep it quiet from your partner. For example, you want to cheat on your partner or send that cheating message to your colleague. That’s really the limit,” she says, “and then ask yourself: What makes you not share this with your partner?” ”

“If you say as a couple, ‘We share everything with each other,’ there may be a fear of abandonment, for example, or that someone else may know or feel more than you do,” Ryan explains. Always share everything. With 100% transparency you lose yourself, your identity and therefore your relationship as well.”

Desire to have children is also a common discussion that arises within a relationship. Is it wise to stay together if someone in the relationship has indicated up front that they don’t really want kids? Rianne doesn’t think you’re making a stupid decision if you choose to stay together at the beginning of a relationship, despite the fact that you don’t have the same opinion when it comes to wanting kids.

“It makes sense to stay in your relationship for a certain period of time, because thoughts and feelings are changeable. But if after a few years it turns out that you’re still not on the same page, it can suddenly cause major issues,” she says, “I think it’s a shame that People give up on their relationship at a very early stage, because in the future your opinion of children may differ. According to Ryan, it’s important to keep the conversation alive during a relationship. So, occasionally start with a low threshold start about it, to gauge how you both feel about it.

Research shows that young people today view a potential partner’s shared interests less critically than their counterparts in the 1970s. “In the past, people lived in much more groups, and nowadays we’re much more focused on the individual,” says Ryan. “In the past, you were expected to do everything together as a couple. Ride bikes together, go to card club together, watch sports together, for example. You didn’t really do much separately after that.”

For example, according to a relationship therapist, it is now normal for spouses to perform activities separately from each other. “Back then, you were doing a lot of things to be together and feel connected to your partner. It’s still possible now, but if you do the activities separately from each other, you’ll find that connection in other areas and depths.” Perhaps this is also why people are used to looking more critically at the interests of their potential partners. Then it’s nice to have a lot of common ground.

NPO research also shows that many couples find it a deal-breaker if one of them withholds information about their family history. According to Ryan, this is more accurate. For example, you may consciously withhold information about your family history or you will gradually discover in your life that some things within your family are not quite right. “When you intentionally withhold something from your family, it becomes a problem when it surfaces,” says Ryan. “The fact that you have withheld something is nine times out of ten worse than what you have already withheld.”

Ryan also sees the second situation more often with her clients. “Often later in life you find out through strangers that things in your family may not be as well as you’ve always been told.” According to Ryan, this situation is surmountable for many couples. Then it is up to them to explore this further through therapy, for example.

Should you be open to a new partner or would you like to get to know your current partner better? Then ask yourself or your partner these questions (compiled by relationship therapist Ryan Royce) to avoid tripping up potential deals.

  • What are the items in my life that I really want to keep/don’t want to give up? (hobby, sport, etc.)
  • What are three important values ​​in your life? (eg freedom, trust, autonomy, connectedness)
  • Where do you see yourself after 5 years?
  • Things you want to do/achieve in your life? (work abroad for example)
  • What is the deal breaker for you in a relationship? Is it realistic?

You can read more of these kinds of stories on Flair each week.

Source: togetheronly.com

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