‘I didn’t notice that I had become some kind of a home slave’


I recently read an article about a couple who broke up because they didn’t match each other in terms of parenting style. Maybe you could only come up with something like that by having a baby together, but it’s too late.

If it turns out that you don’t really understand why the other person made certain decisions, it becomes very difficult. To be a good team as parents, you need to be on the same page, I think.

Look, you can, of course, discuss a lot in advance. Before you decide to have kids together, I assume you talked about parenting. How do you envision that? I think you can also learn a lot if you look at your partner’s past situation at home. How did they interact/did they interact with each other? Were the parents strict or were they more free? How did the partner feel about it? Did he like it or didn’t like it at all? How does he want to deal with his children?

Theory versus practice

But this is all theory. You only know how you really stand in parenthood once the baby is born
There and especially when the upbringing really begins. Usually around puberty, when a child begins to have a mind of his own. A beautiful stage, but also exhausting. The couple in the article handled situations very differently in those times. The father put the exhausted and crying children in the hallway during dinner, and the mother was more moderate and found these actions by the father very difficult. I can very well imagine you could fight a bit with each other over these kinds of issues. Because what is best for your child?

Personally – but hey, that’s me – I’m not of a very strict upbringing. I believe in dialogue with your child and explaining why something is or isn’t allowed. Some things are possible
Just not done. In addition, I try to be consistent and try to teach my children to be kind, honest, forgiving, always listen to others and help. On the other hand, I also think it’s important for them to stand their ground and be allowed to gnaw their teeth. I don’t want to grow a pussy, but my boys are allowed to show their feelings. Hopefully, their girlfriend/wife will benefit from this later.

Also read – Nice, day at the pool: “Fighting for the fitting room in the roaring noise and scorching heat”>

This is a chore

All in all, parenting is a big job and we don’t need a diploma for it. We didn’t learn for it, and we don’t have to take exams for it. You just do it and see where the ship’s leads are, right? I know a few parents who know exactly what they’ve been doing every single day since their child was born. It’s time to research and evaluate now and then. It would be nice to do it in pairs and it would be the same. This keeps the relationship with your partner stronger and ensures that you can handle more together.

In the course of upbringing, I also discovered something in the past year. When I was pregnant with Sofia, Niels pointed out to me several times that I should let the boys do more for themselves. Unnoticed, she became something of a house slave and did just about everything for them, which was supposed to be nice, but the effect was a little grumpy. They simply assumed I would do it all for a while. From setting the table to clearing the table, preparing bags for school, unpacking bags, fitting clothes and putting them back in the laundry basket for the night. Making sandwiches, putting iPads on the charger, tidying up their things, doing hair, tidying up rooms. Everything everything. This is creeping up, I’m afraid. Defensive: Then it goes faster. And fear. And blablabla, all sorts of stupid excuses. All I did was raise my sons like little princes and it didn’t make any sense. It’s stupid that you need someone else to open your eyes. If I continued like this, my future daughters/sons (they could go home with whomever they wanted) wouldn’t be so thankful to me, because my kids would beat themselves up and – in the worst case scenario – would start looking for a second mother who would do everything for them. I don’t like these types myself.

multiple aspects

Conclusion: I was brought up easily, because I took my children to work, instead of teaching them. You really don’t get prettier babies that way. We’ve been on our way to better since then. The boys still ask me a hundred times a day where something is, even if it’s right in front of them (now that I’m paying attention to it, I do), but things are getting better. Raising children has many aspects, and this one of them increases independence and thus self-confidence.

In that respect, I think it would be different for Sofia, with Niels as the father. He believes that it is very important for children to do something on their own, as I often think: oh, I will help. no need! to leave of. It’s also a learning experience for me. So we – with two older children at home – have already managed to get used to each other as educators. Now that Sofia is here, you know
We already know where we are. But it is still one of the biggest challenges. upload. Will we ever be able to master it completely?

More Elaine? Follow her on Instagram. I read her previous columns here Back.

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