Guillaume: “If we had made death agreements when we divorced”

“She didn’t notice me in high school, but when I got a good job in the hospitality industry a few years later, we became a couple. She looked up to me a bit and enjoyed the turmoil and fun of my job but yeah, with three kids, working evenings wasn’t ideal, we rarely saw each other.” .

So I could go and work at the flower auction, but it seems I worked a lot there too, because after ten years of marriage she found someone else and wanted a divorce.

“At the beginning of our relationship she was a sparrow and when we broke up she was a beautiful blackbird. I had no idea, so I was shocked. We weren’t partaking friendly, and I see my part in that now I’ve said things that weren’t clean and superfluous, and so were they.”

I only saw my kids every two weeks at that time, and when it was back south again I was always stuck in traffic for two hours picking up my kids. Fortunately, I found a home and a job nearby, but communication remained mediocre.

Give last regards

“A year or two later, I heard from my children that she was ill. Stomach cancer. It affected me, because despite this abominable divorce, she was also someone I cared very much about. At the same time, I had no relationship that no longer wanted to involve me, unfortunately.” Luckily I had a feeling it wasn’t going to end well, but she wouldn’t talk about it.She died within a year. We didn’t agree anything about the kids, or about saying goodbye to her.

When I became increasingly ill, my son came to live with me, but the girls had to go to her sister, she said. Finally, I visited her again in the hospital. All her family gathered around her bed and it wasn’t good. I went there to finally say goodbye and promise her that I would take good care of our kids, but she didn’t feel that way at all. “It couldn’t be any other way,” she said. This hurts me so much.”

“Only the children were invited to see her off. And after a long liaison with my brother-in-law, as the father of her children, I was finally allowed to attend the funeral itself, not the service. I thought that was very sad especially for my children. Did we think we made good agreements about this when we separated. But yeah At the time, we didn’t think about it at all.”

Father for three years

I asked my daughter as she walked in. Act naturally and build a new warm base.

I was fortunate that we had not yet finished dividing the property, so that I could still claim the orphan’s and widow’s pension. The children at that time were between six and twelve years old, and I was able to be a stay-at-home father to them for three years.”

“It was very hard, as I took care of the kids on my own every day, but it went. One night a week I would go out to do my own thing and devote the rest of my attention and time to them. My son being a teenage rebel, he felt rejected by his mother, while my daughter The younger one hardly remembers anything from that time.

I had no place for a relationship. As the son of a pastor, I have a strong sense of responsibility. Sometimes too much, too late. It was only after her death that I developed my feminine side and became an emotional person. I have talked and cuddled a lot with my kids and we now have a very nice bond together. All three have left home now, with a loved one and I the richest eight grandchildren.”

He used to be alone

“Relationships with her family fizzled out, but that’s okay. I felt so betrayed by love that I never dared commit to a woman again. And now I’m so used to being alone that I never will soon.”

I gave my children the best possible reboot after the mistakes of our divorce and the loss of their mother. Although we didn’t put kids first at the time, in the years since, I’ve done so, through trial and error, and it’s benefited us all. I accept.”

Guillaume is a fictitious name. His real name is known to the editors.

Wanted: Lessons of love

For the Love Lesson section of RTL News Lifestyle, we’re looking for love lessons that are beautiful, fragile, funny, inspiring, and honest. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand on your lap. Did you finally turn out to be the one who fears commitment? Should you have never migrated for love or did the composite family turn out to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. It is allowed to say anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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