Pastors William and Dorcas Boateng in Revival Podcast About Troubled Early Marriages: ‘We Both Want to Stop’

In Christian circles in Amsterdam, William and Dorcas Boateng are known as the ‘power couple’. At a very young age, Dorcas led the large WOTK youth ministry in Bijlmer, which attracted people from all over the Netherlands. It was fiery and raw and people changed drastically. William becomes her prince in shining armor, a man who has dealt radically with a criminal past and is now preaching the gospel. The fairytale wedding was in the making. But things turned out differently: “We both wanted out,” William said on the Revive podcast, on God Radio. They tell about how many of these moments they had and the lessons they learned together.

William and Dorcas first tell of the remarkable manner in which they met. William: “The first time I saw Tabitha, it was in church, and then I said, ‘You’ll be my wife.'” Dorcas laughed. “I thought, ‘We’ve got to see that.’ I thought it was so daring of him, he instantly fell in love at first sight.

William: “Her passion for the Lord was so strong! In addition to her sense of humor, I found that very attractive about her. But Tabitha’s prayer life also attracted me.”

Dorcas also enjoyed seeing William’s love for God and his passion for the things of God. He came to WOTK meetings every Tuesday evening, all the way from The Hague. “It showed that he was going to God. I also found him attractive, a handsome man.”

fairy tale
Thus began a marriage that many considered a fairy tale. But how is this done in practice? Dorcas: “At first you think you’re stepping into a pink cloud, it’s true. But in our book, The Journey of a Lifetime Commitment,” we write what it’s like when reality hits on suddenly, and it’s called “military shock.” You get to know each other better when You live together and you see things you’ve never seen before. Then you realize that marriage is different than what you see on Netflix.”

They give examples of things that were disappointing. Tabitha: I married a pastor who had to travel a lot and do God’s work. This is what sacrifices are made for. I thought I’d be everywhere with him, but that was disappointing in practice.”

William: “I was used to life on the streets giving orders to people, they had to do exactly what I said. But now I had to learn how to serve my wife. That was a whole different story.”

Dorcas: Of course we still have struggles from time to time. We are trying to find the right balance in our marriage. It is also important to spend enough time together. For example, by watching a series together at home and sitting together. This is really my love language. William’s love language is affirmation. He loves it when I tell him how much I appreciate him.”

Marriage is business
William and Dorcas say they have found marriage to be “hard work.” “You have to make it work yourself, and no one else can do it for you. Think of marriage as a box, you have to put the gifts in yourself. If you don’t bring the tension, nothing will.”

However, it was not so easy, says William. “We underestimated her. That became very intense, we both wanted out of the marriage. She wanted out, I wanted out, and we hadn’t even been married this long. Then we started doing marriage counseling.”

Tabitha: We are left with nothing but the word of God. Our lives were built on that, and that foundation was strong. We read in the Word of God that the problem is not the circumstances but ourselves. We had to solve it ourselves. Otherwise, it won’t work.”

This is where the “blending period” comes from, the stage when you become one, just like smoothies in a blender. “You have to blend mangoes, kiwis, and strawberries to make one smoothie. It’s not always easy, which is why the blender also jerks. But if you persevere, you’ll get there and it’ll be a unit.” They say marriage is completely different now! Through hard work and God’s grace they now have a strong marriage.

sex
In their book, they also describe the topic of sex, which is also important in marriage. William: “Sex binds you together, it is more spiritual than physical. In our book we also discuss barriers that may exist. For example, that your partner is too tired to do it.

May cause irritation. I also went to bed angry. But the next day I was happy again, and then I got over it. And if you put in an extra effort, it will come naturally, haha.”

Tabitha: This also has to do with communication. Perhaps one is overburdened and doing too much. Then it can help if you help your wife, so that there is energy for sex. We communicate well about it.”

Hear the entire conversation here:

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