Anouska (40 years old) was pregnant at the same time as her best friend: “My child is alive and hers is dead” | family

my birthChildbirth: Women have been doing it for centuries and they never stop talking about it. Childbirth is beautiful, heavy, and life-changing. In this series of birth stories, parents create openness by sharing their honest birth story. Anouska gave birth to a son, and her friend’s daughter died three weeks later.

Together with Manuel Haminga (37 years old), Anouska Doinkirken (40 years old) from Jez has a stepson (12) and a son (5): I doubted for a long time whether I wanted to become a mother. Our life was good: I worked at home in my nail salon and for the family business, Dominic had a good job and the weekends he was with his mom we had a great time. However, my partner and I decided to have a baby together after a long period of hesitation and I got pregnant right away.”

Dunkirk does not consider itself a primitive mother. She knew right away that she wanted to hold on to one baby. “My friend was sterilized when I was pregnant. I was so sure of it. I even thought: If it goes wrong, I really don’t want to get pregnant again. I was happy with the pregnancy, but very sober. The best part is that I was pregnant at the same time as My best friend. Esther’s due date was three weeks later than me and together we could complain about all the inconveniences of pregnancy.”

Introduction to the hospital

She is afraid of giving birth when her due date has passed. It didn’t sit well with me, I was nine days late. Then my midwife urged an induction and fortunately I was allowed to go to the hospital.” Balloon, contraction inducers, little happens at first, but eventually the long-awaited delivery begins.

After more than half a day of intense contractions, Dunkirk feels like it won’t last. “I didn’t have time to recover between contractions. The midwife insisted on pain relief because of the intensity and frequency of the contractions. The fact that I was biting my teeth didn’t have a positive effect on my delivery. My son’s heart rate continued to drop and we decided to do an epidural.”


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Esther’s contractions started at home, but she no longer felt the baby. When the midwife checked, her daughter Han had already died in the womb

Stoned from the epidural

An epidural is set in the operating room, but the anesthesiologist does the wrong puncture. “I was so shocked. Once I got back into the delivery room, I was so relieved. What a relief that this horrible pain was gone. I kept sleeping and said to Manuel: Just go to a gas station or something, I’ll be fine here.”

From the moment she got the pain relief, Dunkirk doesn’t remember everything, but soon her baby’s heart rate drops again. “The midwife came and said, ‘You have to start pushing, because your baby is not feeling well: he has to come out now.’ She grabbed my knee and squeezed it.”

Blue and umbilical cord around the neck

When the vacuum pump is taken, Dunkirk decides to “give it one last gas” to spare her child the consequences of such a pump, and it succeeds. A son, Jackson, was born. He was blue in color and had an umbilical cord around his neck. They took him away from me and brought him to the CPR table. Luckily it came quickly and clean and I put my newborn baby to my chest. Although I wanted to protect him, I didn’t immediately feel true maternal feelings.”

When they are allowed home the next day, she is very alert. “I was mainly engaged in practical matters: I did everything myself around the house, attended visits and took care of my son.” She’s not immediately on a pink cloud. The first night with the baby is tough: drinking is hard and Jaxon returns the milk. Dunkirk thinks he is suffocating and is horrified: “I thought: at first I didn’t want a child, and now they’re taking him away from me.” The next day things went better, but due to the heavy night, her now maternal feelings hit like a bomb.

The death of a child during childbirth is a very sad event. In the period after that, a lot can come your way: Nu’s parents gave an overview of the process after the birth of a stillborn child.

The child died in the womb

Although she sometimes gets very anxious about her baby, the first weeks are going well: Jaxon is developing well and sleeping a lot. Her friend Esther is also nine days behind her due date and is due to give birth at any time. “When Jackson was three weeks old, she informed me that her labor had finally started. I couldn’t wait for the news that her baby was born healthy.”

This letter will not come. “I had taken a bath with Jackson and had just wrapped him in a towel when I read a letter from Esther: she and her husband had become the parents of a perfect girl, but her heart was not beating. Her daughter, Han, had already died in the womb.”

Child mortality rate

“We talked and cried and still do. It’s been five years now and we still talk about Hanne every week. People sometimes ask me if I didn’t feel guilty. I don’t get it: Would I have preferred my child to die? No, we would have preferred our children to live and our children to grow up.” together “.

The birth of their children and the death of Hannah brought Dunkirk and her friend closer together. “It made our friendship unbreakable. Plus, it shaped me as a mother: I’m easily overprotective and hard to hand over care to Jaxon. Sometimes I get comments about it, but I’m probably more aware than other parents of a child’s death.”



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