Do you have a pressing problem and want to hear someone else’s opinion? subway Shares a reader’s dilemma every week. This week: Harm (35 years old), moved to a village a few years ago because of the kids, but now he misses the city and wants to go back.
“The funny thing is, I grew up in the city myself. But as a kid I hated it. It was never a decent place to kick a ball—cars racing down our street, always watching where you’re going and lots of yelling, yelling, and other noises. Once I was in high school, That changed. You get other interests, and dive into town with friends more often, and later the pub. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle and city life. I also searched my student room for disturbances – above a pub, in the middle of the center. My girlfriend is too A city person, we met during our college prep party and when a room became available in my student house the payment was quickly put together and we lived together.
From apartment to house
Well, those square feet got really small once we graduated, but like a lottery ticket, we were drawn for a great rental apartment. Newly built, fully equipped, yet right in the center – with a beautiful view of the city. It was also where our daughter Amelie was born a few years ago. We had an extra bedroom, so enough room for the three of us – great. Anyway, a year later I started crawling and walking too – and then our ten-story apartment with a balcony suddenly became a hitch. We missed out on more outdoor space and when my girlfriend was pregnant again – Amelie was then two – our living space also became a challenge. We simply did not have room for an extended family. Sasha and I talked about it a lot and agreed that we’d rather look for something bigger outside the city. A real house, with a garden and plenty of space to play on the street – so no rushing cars like you had as a kid.
Play outside without worry
We found a house in a nearby village that exactly matched that picture: big garden, playground with swings around the corner, primary school within walking distance, that work. Admittedly, the large interior space was also great. We’ve lived there for two years now and our kids love it here. They can play outside without any worries, because there are no cars rushing by. Amelie now goes to school and our son Boaz goes to nursery school in the same building. Our neighbors are also nice, so you might think that everything is fine.
But it has been bothering me for a few months now. We live well here, but that’s all there is to it. In fact, I find it very boring in our village. I miss the hustle and bustle of the city, not being able to close the door behind me for a beer with friends at the pub across the street, or for a late-night snack—any snack—that only takes five minutes. Of course you don’t do such things quickly once you have kids, but still. We hardly walk on the road anyway, because it takes half an hour to get there by car. So I better go back to town.
The good news is that Sasha has exactly the same thing. It came that day and we talked all night about missing the city. If it was up to us, we’d be back. And this is where the shoe pinches. Find a single family home that meets our current requirements, and then also at a reasonable price. It’s likely that if we do find something, it won’t be anywhere near as wide as we’re sitting here. Or, for example, there is no garden, or you are on a busy road, or in an apartment. Can we do this for our children? Although I long for the city, I remember well that as a child I did not like it in the city. Sasha is having a more difficult time with her, because she feels guilty about the kids if we really go back in time.
Are we really selfish by thinking only of our desires? On the other hand: There are a lot of kids who grew up downtown, including us, so of course it should be possible. You usually hear the other side, that couples leave town for the sake of their children. So I’m really curious what other people think about this, and I love getting inspired.”
Gave last week subwayReaders’ advice to Chelsey (38), who is afraid of the old and the new, because her friends want to set off illegal fireworks.
“Friends respect the wishes of the host,” Irwin says. “Otherwise, they are not friends. I will be clear about that beforehand: I don’t want it.
Trijntje believes: “It’s your home, and so are your rules. If you don’t like it, you can still put up with it.”
Femmie thinks differently: “Just have fun, if they’re outside no problem, right? Fireworks are applicable every year, and if you say, ‘Don’t do that,’ they’ll stand away.”
And Abdullah concludes: “What they do outside they should know as long as they do not reveal it in your home or garden.”
Dilemma: “Our friends want to set off illegal fireworks in front of our door, can I still cancel?”
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