“Everything I’ve built my family on is wobbly.”

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Steffi (35), mother of Megan (8) and Renée (5), had been with Coenraad for twelve years when she decided to continue with a woman.

Preliminary: I didn’t leave Koenrad. It was a choice we both made. I had given birth to Renee less than a year ago, which was very desirable, when new Assistant Veterinary Assistant Mikey came to work at the vet clinic where I work. I was going to train her, but she had experience. More than me, it soon turned out.Her extra hands cut our work in half, and we had plenty of time to chat.

We shared a terrifying sense of humor from the very first moment. In addition, she had a natural ability to sense animals, which – later – made me instantly fall in love. What a woman, what a sensor. I thought of a recipe for a precious friendship. But from our first meeting I was totally upset and I was looking forward to a new day at work every night because I was going to see her again.

completely upset

Quinn felt it right away. “Where is your head, Steve?” Asked. It was also impossible to hide. With earbuds on, I hosted a family dinner behind the pots, enjoying the music of Melissa Etheridge and other singer-songwriters who celebrated the love of women. Like it or not, I was emotionally checked.

“As if it were worth less, I still snore.”

Quinn deserved more than this. So after two weeks of sleepless nights, I confessed to him that I thought I was in love. He was relieved to be a woman. As if it was worth any less, I still snort. Although I could feel the nuance; I distanced myself because of someone he couldn’t compete with. He was no less than another man I favored over him.

“If you propose to let her join us sometime, I will kill you,” but Quinn did not see my admiration for women as an aphrodisiac, as many men do. For him it was like I had some kind of burnout. In it, someone is also going through a process over which the partner has no influence.

Also read – Before I knew it, I was passionately kissing a woman


He said he gave me space at first. Well, for what? There was nothing between me and Mike. That soon changed when we fought together for a dog’s life on the weekend shift, lost the battle, and cleaned up the battlefield in the operating room together. “beer?” Mike asked as we wiped away each other’s tears. It was four in the morning. The only place we can go is her home.

Devastated losing that night, we just kissed

There we had not yet had a sip when we passed each other in her cramped kitchen, shaken from missing out that evening, and just kissed. I don’t think anyone has pushed me that way. Unsteady on my legs, I left her house when it was already light and crawled into bed with Coenraad before the kids woke up in a T-shirt and sweatpants.


There was no stopping this fascination. Mikey opened an opening in me that I didn’t even know existed, let alone what lurked underneath. I ended up in a storm of confusion, excitement, and complete despair. Everything I had built my family on wobbly.

When that feeling hadn’t subsided six months later, Coen and I sat around the table. I was wondering if we can’t merge them. Save our family, with room for Mike and me. Quinn was open to treasure. And for a while it seemed to work.

He said, “You can’t lock up a free bird.”

Until, after another six months, I realized that I was failing both Coen and Maaike, and that I wasn’t a proper role model for my children. As much as I hated him: Mike was the love of my life and I hated myself for it. Quinn let me go without a fight; He wanted me to “love freely.” He said, “You can’t lock up a free bird.” The fact that Maaike lived a stone’s throw away with an extra bedroom made the situation clear. And we have been co-parenting ever since.

Modern Family

My kids didn’t think it was weird for a moment to be with a woman right now. They move independently between our homes and once a month Mike and I eat with Quinn, who also has a new girlfriend. A modern family may not have arisen silently, but we are so proud of it, which seems to have invented free love.”

This article appears in Kek Mama 11-2022.

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