Irene: “It is clear that I would rather be alone and completely by myself than together and not free”

“In 2009, I left everything behind for the first time. My home, my job, my familiar existence, and allowed myself a kind of Every pray loveJourney, like the book and movie already. I wanted to see the world, feel free and get to know myself better.

During that trip I fell in love with someone who lived abroad. Bedouin, just like me. All we had was a car and each other. We worked together in tourism, in Greece in the summer and in the snow in the winter.”

“When that relationship ended a few years later, I had nothing left. I had to start all over again in all areas. I had no home, no money and a limited social network. I discovered that I could live easily by taking care of houses. It happened especially in the Netherlands It was great to be close to my friends again, so I decided to look for a place of my own.

I lived for a year in my rented house, but I wasn’t really happy. During the ceremony of setting up the race, I looked at myself and thought: What should I do? this is not true. And so I planned to travel again, this time to Ibiza and France. Two weeks before leaving I fell in love again. On Utrechter this time. However, I went on a journey and came back as in love.”

He is not happy in his home

“He thought it was a good thing that I liked to travel. I was traveling on my own regularly, and always came back to him. Again, I didn’t have a place of my own and I wasn’t strong financially. Because I lived with him most of the time, he suggested that I thought we might do well together, Which seemed like a good idea, but it turned out not to be the case.

I had no place to retreat to and now settled once more in a city I had left behind. After a few years it started to swell. I wasn’t really happy in his house. However, I did not leave. The love was so strong and my fear of leaving him behind was great. Until I decided to choose myself more. Then our relationship ended.

“The differences became too great. He liked being in the house, and I loved being out. And when he came home from work, he wanted to fit in, while I immediately wanted to mingle. The more I expressed what I wanted, the clearer our differences became. He didn’t share my dream of traveling and living in Outside again for a while, he’s happy with his life in Utrecht, but yes, there are no compromises in national boundaries.

I realized once again that I had done so much of myself for the benefit of the relationship and at my own expense. There was less and less contact and we often argued about what was important to us personally, like my sense of adventure. It is a pity that he did not succeed.

Untie me

“Now I’m in Greece for the winter, and I love it, but I’d rather have done it together. I’ve traveled alone before, but my desire to create something together didn’t fit into this relationship. I felt locked up there in that house. It was the step of breaking that relationship.” Essentially a move to separate myself from the life we’ve created together. Obviously, I’d rather be completely alone and by myself than together and unfree.”

“But whether it’s also for the best? To be honest, I’m not sure about that yet. Now that I’ve been in one place a little longer, I feel calmer inside and go through all sorts of things. Sometimes there are moments of loneliness, because I don’t know any.” Person here at all, I made a strict choice by saying “I’m leaving”, maybe it could have been smaller.

I felt I needed this step to make room for myself. By moving in with someone, you are living in a place you did not choose. Then there may be something essential missing from your life. That’s how it was for me anyway. For the next three months I will live in the same village, in a country where I can move quite easily.

Where do I want to land?

“I haven’t found where I really want to land yet. Ultimately, I want to live close to my friends (who all live in the Netherlands) and in a country where the sun always shines. The two don’t go well together, no. I’m someone who makes a move when I don’t feel like it.” It’s okay anymore. That’s scary, but staying stuck in something that doesn’t make me happy is even scarier.

I’m not busy with love now. I know very well how I want to organize my day and my work, and now I am searching for the place where I want to live. I guess I won’t open up to love until I find that place.”

Wanted: Lessons of love

For the Love Lesson section of RTL News Lifestyle, we’re looking for love lessons that are beautiful, fragile, funny, inspiring, and honest. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand on your lap. Did you finally turn out to be the one who fears commitment? Should you have never migrated for love or did the composite family turn out to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. It is allowed to say anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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