“Our big dream is to one day make a soundproof SM basement”

Photo: Getty Images

Sani (40), seven years with Peter (38), sons Johan (20), Remko (17), Johnny (11) and Joep (4).

The first line on my Tinder profile said I had kids, the youngest was only four years old. If a guy can’t handle that, no need to respond. Honestly, I wasn’t even looking for a new relationship, but a boyfriend. It was marriage. From my children’s toxic father.My ex-husband mentally and physically abused us, and it took a lot of effort to free myself from that. Now that I’ve been single again for a while, I wanted some entitlement. From an adult.


It turns out that Peter and I matched on Tinder, but neither of us made first contact. Until suddenly he was automatically introduced as a potential friend on Facebook. It seems the universe wanted to tell me something. I added it and we got into a conversation. We video chatted with each other and agreed on a date a few weeks later. At my house, because I didn’t have a babysitter. just for fun. Peter also just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy just like me.

“He just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy like me.”

But when I opened the door and looked into Peter’s eyes, the flames pulled me out. He kissed me and I already took off from the ground. There was no violin yet. On the contrary, Peter was also instantly in love. Things went really fast between us after that. In fact, he never left.

He wasn’t deterred by my three kids, nor my decent bag. At the time I was having severe panic and anxiety attacks. For example, I did not dare to eat outside and hardly went out into the street. Peter was very understanding, supported me and allowed me to be with him. He also turns out to be a very kind stepfather. Even Johnny, who had been beaten up in the past and no longer trusted a man, was sitting on his lap within five minutes. Peter is also really his father to him.

Making love almost daily

Especially nice was the incredibly strong physical attraction between us. At first we had to wait for the kids to fall asleep. When Johnny came upstairs I had to send the two oldest to their rooms with a warning not to come out. The living room in particular was off limits. That way, Peter and I could still make love without being disturbed or heard.

“Sex is very important to both of us. It makes us happier and more relaxed.”

Sex is very important to both of us. It gives us energy, makes us happier and more relaxed. So we never say no, unless your period is very heavy. I really believe it makes sense. It’s like a sport. You feared it beforehand, but after doing yoga or fitness, you are happy. I think you can stimulate yourself – just like kissing and foreplay; I usually come back by then.

That’s why we’ve done it almost every day since we met, except for a little swim after our son Joeyb was born. I suffered from postpartum depression four years ago and the baby also slept in our bed. We could hardly move freely and often had to make do with quick sex in the shower. Or if my mother-in-law is babysitting a fast kid in the car or in the woods.

Also read – Our sex life increased sixfold after I told him about my fantasies

BDSM games

Fortunately, we picked up our high frequency again when Joep went to sleep in his bed. We put the lock on the bedroom door right away. The reason we value privacy so much is because we’re more extreme when it comes to sex. For example, we like to play BDSM games where we get dressed and use private toys. It is not my intention that only when I am bound or naked and blindfolded, a child who has had a scary dream enters or wants a sip of water.

“We like to play BDSM games where we get dressed and use private toys”

Now we’re getting to the point where if one of our sons bothers us – Joep has already banged the doorknob twice saying “Hey, why is the door locked?” – We pick up the thread of love again. We have to wait, because if we have to wait until no more children live in our house, it will be twenty years from now.

one night alone

But the most extreme games are usually saved for us to go away for the weekend or for an all night alone. Peter invents entire scenarios, which he pre-types on his phone. Once we have the entire house to ourselves, we can unburden ourselves and completely unpack our belongings.

The beginning is in the bedroom, where a set of clothes awaits me: pantyhose with open crotch, sexy lingerie, latex or fishnet bodysuit. I have no idea what will happen. I only know that after that I have to go downstairs, where Peter is waiting for me on the bench. But the moment I change, the tension builds up and my mood gets worse.

“Pretending to be a window-cleaner, ordering me and punishing me with whips or taps”

My role is often the submissive, the slave, Peter my stern master. Pretend to be a thief or a window cleaner. He gives me orders and “punishes” me with whips or taps. It may feel strange to enjoy masochism, given my abusive ex, but it actually helps me cope. I dare you to completely surrender to Peter. There are times when he grabs me tight, penetrating me with his hands around my neck, but after a moment I feel his arms lovingly around me again.

SM vault

Given the time it takes to play and the absolute necessity of being childless, we can’t get into BDSM too much. Our big dream is to one day create a basement or SM room that is soundproof and put all kinds of special features in it like hanging chair. Similar to what I saw in fifty shadesMovies. We now have to deal with hooks in our bedroom ceiling, and a closet full of our madness and imagination. Fortunately, this has no limits.

Do you also want to be interviewed in this section? Then you will receive a “fun pack” from EasyToys worth €75. Mail to redactie@kekmama.nl.

Or are you about to make yourself happy with a new sex toy? That’s okay, because with the code KEKMAMA2022 you get a €10 discount when you spend from €60 in EasyToys. Good time to buy one or more games, so.

This article appears in Kek Mama 10-2022.

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