Sane: “Exactly because he’s obligated, I feel safe”

My friends said, “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”. But I do. On Tinder, I met Patrick, who is handsome and fit for forty. Just when we started chatting, he said he had an open relationship. Sneaky did it, because if he had mentioned it on his profile I wouldn’t have given him a green heart. Anyway, now we chatted, flipped through some good poems and discussed which covers were and which weren’t better than the original.

A few days after texting, Patrick suggested calling. My son was with his dad that night, and I was hooking up with his dad, so I agreed. His voice was warm and cheerful, and before we knew it we had been talking for two hours. Your phone seems to turn off automatically after one hour and fifty-nine minutes of calling. But he’s back. Because of his work, Patrick sleeps regularly in a hotel in Randstad and on those evenings he has plenty of time.”

“The call for a drink was not late, and a week later I got on the train to the capital, without saying anything to my friends. For years we made an agreement that we would always tell the app group where we were at the first meeting. The date, but now I haven’t forwarded my location to any Person. And I found it sexy enough, and I was in no mood to make well-intentioned judgments and advice.”

No pressure, no expectations

“It was a party, really. Patrick was more handsome than he was in the pictures, he opened the door for me, pushed my seat and it smelled delicious. After two wines, he asked me to walk and naturally held my hand. The glossy shop windows and in the reflection of the light I saw my happy face, He asked if he could kiss me in the middle of the street.

I felt like I was floating, that was cute. Unlike other appointments, because I felt no pressure, no expectations to meet. Totally no coincidence, we passed by his hotel and made love with the stars. I’ve never felt this good before for the first time. Patrick spoiled me and it was like reading my body.”

“The next morning, I texted my friends on the way back, and quickly rained down questions. Why was I at Amsterdam station on Wednesday at eleven? Why didn’t I say anything? She’s happy for me.”

Although some insist that dating a tied man is a broken heart from one direction. But I don’t see it that way. Patrick is not a cheater. Nothing secret is needed, I know exactly when we can call and his wife knows my name and wishes us a good evening. Precisely because it is binding, I feel safe.”

Missing things get worse

“Patrick shows genuine interest in me and I feel visible. With him I am slowly learning to give myself, and for the first time since the relationship with my ex, in which I have felt so sad and lonely, I dare to trust and enjoy again precisely because I am all open and honest and there are also clear boundaries .

We will not fall in love. As soon as one of them feels feelings that are out of proportion to this connection, it is done. A little craving is good, we see it as appetizing, but mistook it for its loss. I don’t think it will get that far.”

“We’ve seen each other now about five times and call him once or twice a week. Otherwise I can move on and focus completely on my son and still have enough time for my friends for the weekend. That’s just enough and above all not much.”

My Tinder app is still active too. I slam every now and then, and talk with matches. Next week I have a date with someone new. That’s exactly what Patrick loves for me. He even watched and encouraged me. He said, “That sounds like a good boy, try it.” The equality I feel in this, and the lessons I’m learning to express myself and find my limits, turns out to be exactly what I need right now.”

Sannie and Patrick’s names have been changed. Their real names are known to the editors.

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, fragile, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand on your lap. Did you eventually turn out to be the one who dreads commitment? Should you have never immigrated for love or has the blended family turned into an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can say anonymous. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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