Fleur Jacksons from Bruges mourns the suicide of the mother: ‘I still think about her every day’

“Why? I still ask myself this question, even though it has been more than five years. My mother’s suicide still hurts me. I still think about her every day. But I can live and still be happy.” Speaking is Bruges Floor Jacxsens. certificate.

“Halloween and All Souls’ Day do not bother me. In those days I avoid St. Michael’s cemetery, where my mother’s ashes are in an urn under a stone. At other times of the year I put a flower. My mother is more than ashes and stone. She is a warm and colorful figure, the contrast with The cold and sad atmosphere in the cemetery is too great,” says Brugse Floor Jacxsens (26).

School trip

April 27, 2017. This date will be forever engraved in Fleur’s memory: “As a second-year student in the cultural department at VIVES, I was on a school trip to Berlin. While I was having fun with some of my fellow students, my teachers suddenly got a phone call from Bruges police. “Shut up, there is very bad news,” the message read. An officer said my mother died: she killed herself.

“My older brother found her lifeless. That same evening, they wanted to drive to Berlin by car to tell me. Because they knew how close I was with my mother. I survived that night on autopilot. Together with a teacher, I boarded the first available flight to Belgium the next morning.”

Nice party

“The first days passed in a fog, it was hectic. We had to get everything ready for the funeral in just seven days, we wanted to make it a beautiful celebration: a warm service, with texts and mod music, not a cold funeral.”

“In hindsight, those were warm days, when our family and the whole family flipped the photo albums together, evoking memories of my mom. Questions came later. Why did she want to die? She was a home nurse and had a lot of social contacts.”

shock

“Was it my fault that Mama doesn’t want to live anymore? However, I had a good relationship with my mom, and there was no hazy relationship. Then I sat deep. Fortunately, the police told me that in the event of a traumatic death we could turn to CAW victim support It saved my life, had it not been for these two years of treatment I would never have survived this.”

“My world has collapsed. Losing a parent is hard enough. But in this way and at such a relatively young age. My mom was only 54. I had to find a way to deal with it. Putting my mom’s suicide in place, on Although I don’t like hearing that expression. I didn’t have much choice. She was either trying to process this or giving up. I was 21 and didn’t want to be depressed for the rest of my life.”

“For several months my supervisor at CAW was my only support. At first I couldn’t tell her about my condition, but she pushed me to face what hurts me the most. I had to dig deep. If I could really die of grief, I wouldn’t be here long ago” .

cancer

“Last year my brother Kobe died of stomach cancer. He was barely thirty years old. His death was announced, unlike my mom. That doesn’t make it any less painful, but perhaps the least shocking. I was mad at my mom: she should have been there when he picked Kobe. mercy killing “.

Land with her brother Kobe who has stomach cancer.

“Even now, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Kobe and my mother. I wake up with her and go to sleep with her. My one consolation: the last words my mother and I spoke to each other when she dropped me off on that school trip to Berlin were: “I love you!”

sweet

“Six years later, I can finally say that I can handle this sadness. I feel happy again. I never would have been if I hadn’t internalized it. I can talk about it, and it reassures me. And my dear Steve never left me.”

“We met at Gentse Feesten and had only been together for six months when my mother passed away. There was not much left of the joyful ground he met. He has seen me from my worst sides over the years, with many ups and downs. Steve started reading books about death, grief, and comfort, He has been incredibly supportive of me.”

Floor Jaxqsens:
Floor Jaxqsens: “My world collapsed when I heard that my mother had died.”

“This experience made me look at suicide differently. It no longer shocks me when someone says that they have already considered suicide. I have a page on Instagramgezondersteboven, where I talk very openly about this topic. I myself have never been reticent about the fact that Mama committed suicide. Mental well-being is important Very, I try to emphasize it. You shouldn’t be ashamed or silent if you have dark thoughts, but you should do something about it.”

Instagram

“Through Instagram I try to give a positive approach: Enjoy life! I give advice to people so they don’t have to go through the same thing I did six years ago. When my mom died, I didn’t hear from many acquaintances. After that they say apologetics they don’t know what to say.” It suffices to use “hello” or “thinking of you.” Mother’s Day, for example, remains tricky if ads flood you with gift ideas for two weeks,” concludes Fleur Jacksons.

If you are contemplating suicide and need a conversation, you can contact the Suicide Line at 1813 or via www.zelfmoord1813.be.

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