Melanie Never Wants To Be Used To Have Sex Again: ‘I Deserve Better’

“I kept looking at my phone, waiting for an app. Because Dennis had promised it when he got out of bed that morning. He was texting me that afternoon to meet him. Talk about walking together or eating something. I thought that was cool because This will be our first real date. By evening, I realize that this application will never come. And that I have grown up again. Once again, I have allowed myself to use sex. This will truly be the last time, I vow to myself.”

“It might sound a bit arrogant, but I had no complaints about male interest. I noticed at a young age that boys liked me, and conversely secretly enjoyed their attempts at seduction. I felt they saw something that wasn’t really the case at home. My parents separated when I was At the age of 8. My sister and I continued to live with our mother, and we only saw our father once every two weeks. Such an arrangement was common at the time, but we kept in touch somewhat superficially, my mother worked hard to pay for everything for us , and later got a new boyfriend she was busy with, so I didn’t get much attention.

I think maybe that’s why I started looking for it in a different way, namely with the boys. I had my first boyfriend when I was fifteen. This lasted about a year and a half, after which I was rarely alone for long. I jumped from friend to friend, nothing was really that serious.”

“Five years ago, I was single for a long time for the first time. I was living alone at the time and had all the freedom. I was pretty cool about it, but actually I was completely alone. I didn’t like it, coming home to an empty house, I had most My friends are a nice friend and I want one too. Someone I can trust, who I can be with and who has been there for me.”

Empty after one night

“Maybe I was just too desperate and was sending the wrong signals because when I was really looking for something serious I was just attracting guys. If I went out with my girlfriends and a guy caught my attention, I was instantly flattered and I wish maybe he was the one. It’s often happened that such a guy He’d come home with me. I was basically looking for companionship, but in reality this always ended up having sex. Sometimes it just didn’t feel right or I didn’t really feel like it, but I did it anyway so I wouldn’t be alone.

When I think about it, I feel bad. My self-esteem was apparently so low that I had sex hoping to feel better. While the opposite happened, I often felt empty and used to after this one night. Because of course these guys never got hung up, in the end they had what they came for.”

“However, it looked different with Dennis. I met him at a festival. I fell in love with him instantly. He had a beautiful muscular body, bright blue eyes and was elegantly dressed. In addition to that pretty picture, I also thought he was funny. .interested. Really B. We soon ended up in bed together, but it didn’t stop there. We kept in touch and saw each other regularly.”

Never call, never eat out

“I think we’ve had a relationship for about six months. At least: I call it a relationship, but it really wasn’t. In the past, I see Dennis and I only saw each other when it was convenient for him. At parties, after going abroad or if in a close place.

He never introduced me to his family or friends, and I only knew his best friend because he often went out with Dennis. Dennis didn’t take me to dinner, we didn’t go to the movies, he never asked about my sick grandmother, we didn’t spend hours calling in love. He took what he felt.”

“Dennis knew exactly how to play me. When he talked about doing something fun together, I was so happy. Finally, I thought. But when I never heard from him again, I knew he would never change with him. Sex whenever suited him so I think it Just used me as a place to sleep, because I live downtown.Nice and comfy, he must have thought.

Suddenly I’m done with it. I blocked Dennis on WhatsApp and when I came across him again later in the bar, I just said “hello” and turned around. Surprised but I didn’t care. It was finally time for me to start thinking to myself. I had to see that I deserved better.”

Sensitive to male attention

“What also played a part was that two girlfriends of mine became mothers in the meantime. Pregnancy, bathing the lovely babies and toddlers made such a deep impression on me. I wanted it all too, I realized so strong. Having a family is still a big dream to me and these styles were a must-have.” Break it, or else I would have kept falling into the same trap.

I went to therapy and with my psychiatrist I looked back at my childhood. The loss of my father touched me more than I could have imagined, which is probably why I was so sensitive to male attention. The therapist also helped me build my confidence.”

“I’m still so grateful that I took the step to work on myself. I feel so much stronger and probably radiate that too, because for the last six months I’ve had a new friend who’s very kind to me, proudly shows off the outside world and always delivers on his promises.”

It’s not that I’m against casual sex in principle, if you’re comfortable with that, there’s nothing wrong with that. I do not judge anyone. But for me it doesn’t work that way. If my relationship ends and I become single again, I really don’t go to sleep with someone. I am sure I will never again allow myself to be used for meaningless sex.”

The names in this article have changed.

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