‘We all cheat sometimes’: Is it true?

Guests spoke of politician PvdA Gijs van Dijk, who lost credibility earlier this year due to potential infringing behavior in the private sphere. Then he withdrew temporarily, but the politician hopes to return soon.

“It turns out there really isn’t much going on. Well, he cheated on him,” said dinner guest and VVD member Frits Hafnagel. “We all cheat sometimes,” says anchor and reporter Helen Hendricks. To what extent is she right?

“This statement is absolutely incorrect,” says Bram Bunk, professor of evolutionary social psychology at the University of Groningen. “We know from research that nearly all men, and 80 percent of women, have fantasies about extramarital affairs,” he continues. “But that’s different from actually doing it.”

About 22 to 25 percent of men have been cheated on, according to various international studies and samples, and 11 to 15 percent of women. “You can find that more or less, but it’s not ‘everyone,'” Bonk says. In most cases, these are episodic situations rather than things that go on for a long time. “By the way, we also know that long relationships often lead to divorce.”

what happened?

Gijs van Dijk’s credibility was lost earlier this year due to potentially infringing behavior in the private sphere. Then temporarily withdrew from membership in Parliament. An agency that investigated the matter on behalf of the PvdA concluded that it was “reasonable” that the reports were correct. de Volkskrant He wrote in May of this year that Van Dijk admits he had had “a few tough years alone”. In those years he cheated on his wife and divorced her. He said in the paper, “But this wasn’t MeToo or abusive behavior. It was private. Divorce happens, love lives happen. In the House we’re human too, or do we just want robots?”

It was also announced this month that the PvdA Board of Directors acted carelessly in the case of the former deputy. This is the conclusion of the party’s appeals committee, which decided to abolish the sanctions imposed by Van Dyck’s party.

Sexologist Ann Simmons commented, “Cheating doesn’t just happen physically, it’s something different for everyone. What is often forgotten is that there is also emotional adultery. Or digital deception, without sleeping with someone.” She did research on cheating herself two years ago for her graduation. “One in two people considered their partner’s behavior to be unfaithful. It could also be: nice texts to a colleague. Sharing secrets with someone other than your partner.”

This is where things go wrong

In general, men find it worse when their partner cheats physically and women find it worse when their partner cheats emotionally. “What you often see is that couples don’t talk about it together temptation island You always hear people say up front: “My partner and I don’t have rules, we know each other.” This is where things go wrong. I would say to people: Talk about it, what are your limits, what are your partner’s limits? “

According to Bonk, we view adultery quite negatively in the Netherlands. “It was very different in the 1970s. Then, during the sexual revolution and the advent of the contraceptive pill, half of the Dutch population considered extramarital relations acceptable under certain conditions. Now nearly 80 percent of Dutch people consider extramarital relations wrong.” It also means that the tabloid press loves to write about celebrity cheating, as Bonk says: “They know the reaction of readers is furious and stunned.”

in our genes

Adultery occurs because the desire to have sex with multiple partners is in our genes. Buunk: “It’s in the genes in men because if they had sex with more women, they were more likely to have more offspring. Thousands of years ago, men often had multiple partners, when polygamy was more common.”

It’s also in women’s genes, but more so because they find other men more pleasurable, attractive, and better. “The fact that it’s in our genes makes it difficult for some to be in a monogamous relationship,” Punk says. “Sure for your whole life. But there are still a lot of people who do that.”

Hélène Hendriks tells RTL Nieuws that there was “no deep thought behind” the comment. “Don’t take it too seriously, it was supposed to be a bit sarcastic. And I’ve also spoken as Gijs van Dijk, I think everyone should know that for themselves. I just meant: Cheating is more common. But if you see something on TV Take it literally, he says.

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