See, I did it. Since we’re past our fifties, we think we know all about sex. But often this turns out to be somewhat disappointing, says journalist Marilyn Janssen (1967), who has specialized in this topic for 30 years. You do a short work of 10 solid ideas and persistent biases.
1. Gender belongs to some. So if you’re alone, you don’t have sex
We learned that from day one. But it all starts with you. You first learn to ride a bike on your own. If all goes well, you get someone back. It’s the same with sex. Lots of singles think: I don’t have a sex life. But you also have sex with yourself! There are more women than you might think who have never masturbated. This seems like a dirty thing to them. Or as a form of cheating, also such a persistent conviction. The better you know yourself and the better you like yourself, the more enjoyable sex with another person will be. It has been proven. It’s also a good idea to maintain your sexual mobility. It is healthy to have sex with yourself or someone else. It has also been scientifically proven.
The article continues after the announcement
2. Sex is always the same, yawn. I don’t understand what’s so fun
‘If you watch SBS6 every night, you have a boring TV life, yeah. Go to another channel, and find out what’s out there. Stay curious. also to each other. No, you don’t have to go straight to the swingers club. In a relationship, in human life at all, you know the seasons. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s fall or even winter, and then it’s all set back or even quiet. Because you are busy or because you are moving. This is completely normal. In a healthy relationship it will work, too.
3. Sex belongs to penetration
‘And that can.’ Men especially like him. Some women do not like it, for example because they suffer from vaginal dryness. Stop hacking if it hurts you. Hacking is not necessary. I tell the women, “Beth can use the pushcart.” Making love should be fun. Think of it as an opportunity to discover what sex could be. together. About that dry vagina: As you get older, you often need more time to get wet. Don’t rush, take your time, and indulge yourself in other forms of making love.
4. Nobody wants to have sex with me. My view is terrible. Take two blades…
“Everything we see in the media and in porn has given us such crazy ideas. This is really a different world. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Also in bed it can be a bit messy and slow with humor or fuss. This is human. We are not models. This The stifling grip on our ideal of beauty is horrible. Just think about that if you start dating again in your fifties, sixties and seventies, it helps tremendously. It’s all about who’s in that body, right?”
5. I must suffer from a defect; I imagine such strange things
“There’s a very good chance you’re not weird at all. We fantasize about the craziest things we don’t want or necessarily don’t want to do in real life. That’s normal. A woman recently told me that after more than twenty years it turns out that her partner has found the same excitement. Throughout this Time didn’t dare tell each other. So I say: Talk about it. My advice: Don’t do it when you’re having sex, but only once on the kitchen table or in the car. Say, “Oh my God, I heard a story recently and I thought it was very exciting. Getting out of your comfort zone once can be very rewarding.
6. Men are more likely to feel it
This is true with young people. That explodes from testosterone. But its production decreases with age. All men over the age of 50 have to deal with erection problems to a greater or lesser degree. Not feeling like you might also be a “disguise in disguise.” Maybe it means: it’s not working well and I’m ashamed of it. This is also due to the idea that it is always about hacking. You can have a great sex life up to the age of 100 in all kinds of ways, with things that are sexy or more comfortable! “
7. It’s all about this place, isn’t it?
“The clitoris continues internally, and we now know. What is visible is only a small part. For example, a Greek ice cream tip on his head. We were talking about the G-spot, but now we know it’s the whole clitoris, which we can stimulate in many other ways, including In it internally.Another great discovery is that women also have erectile tissues.You must be pretty swollen to fully enjoy it.Do your research.Read and try.Have you ever looked closely at yourself?Many women think they are abnormal.See pictures The “normal” vagina on the internet. And tell yourself you’re fine the way you are. Because that’s what it is.
8. I don’t orgasm during penetration, so I pretend to orgasm
For a number of women, this is also a way to get rid of it faster. But how do you love it if your partner fakes it? You are not helping yourself either. Many women do not experience penetration, about 60-70 percent. You don’t have to go through crazy weird behaviors thinking you’re not normal if you don’t cum. We should be less focused on what the other person doesn’t think. We also think that the other person should “excite us”. What really helps is to become more self-sufficient. Get behind the wheel of your own sex life.
9. After 50, everything works less and less
You can come in as a woman and enjoy sex until you reach the age of 104, if you like. But it is true that things are easing a bit. It is important to train your body, do pelvic floor exercises – I give examples on my website. For an enjoyable sex life – it helps to get better and more intense – but also to prevent or treat incontinence. Don’t keep going with complaints. There are even physical therapists who specialize in the pelvic floor.
10. We haven’t had sex in 17 years. I wish I could, but that doesn’t work anymore, does it?
“You’d be surprised if you knew what’s possible. And how many people have found each other intimate again if the relationship is okay. He starts talking about it. It’s not easy, but know that it makes sense. And there’s a good chance that the other person will also want to Change it. And indeed, start with yourself. Have sex with yourself. This moves more than you think.
We are very insecure, completely crazy about what is presented to us in the media. I am happy to tell you how it is. There is still much to learn. Even if you are older. Did you know that you can have a more intense orgasm if you know how it all works? This goes beyond sex. It’s just healthy. This makes you happy.
In February 2022, Janssen’s Fantastic Orgasms – The Valley Orgasm and other female notables appeared.
Marleen Janssen provides online training, answers questions and publishes.
Images (c) Getty Images
Would you like to receive the latest news in your email every week? The best of Nouveau.nl, Máxima and culture for cute women with style. Subscription