There are a lot of things that can make you doubt your partner or your relationship in general. But controversy, doubt, or anger does not always mean the end of a relationship. According to writer and psychotherapist Cathy McCoy, there is a lot to save in relationships, but there are also signs of a possible breakup.
Award-winning writer and psychotherapist McCoy shares her experiences from her US couples therapy sessions Psychology Today. Because, according to a therapist, eroticism, anger, or a fight doesn’t always have to mean the end of a relationship. On the contrary, McCoy explains that some are on the verge of divorce and yet find each other after couples therapy and changes here and there.
Seven ominous signs in a relationship
But McCoy also saw plenty of couples who ultimately couldn’t salvage the relationship. And a number of the signs turned out to be disastrous for a relationship. A psychotherapist highlights seven signs by which, in her opinion, you can conclude that a relationship is at risk of delinquency.
1. Unrealistic expectations
According to McCoy, the ideal picture of a relationship isn’t always realistic. She points out that the “perfect relationship” does not exist and that we are all human. For example, the psychiatrist cites the example of “a woman wanted to be treated like a princess.” The partner turned out to be unable to meet this set of requirements, also from a financial point of view. His girlfriend wanted romantic gifts and surprises for almost every occasion. This is while she did not respond to anything or show gratitude to the contrary.
Holding onto unrealistic expectations and hoping for a “picture perfect,” according to McCoy, only hinders a person from finding an imperfect but loving relationship.
2. Uncompromising attitude
In other words, the principle of “my will is the law” where we assume that you alone are right. We do not take into account the opinions or feelings of others. According to McCoy, unwillingness to compromise can lead to contempt. You even look down on your partner. If you are not willing to compromise sometimes, the chances of a breakup only increase.
3. Lack of conflict
Sometimes we may think that an argument is a sign of a “rupture” in the relationship. But McCoy argues that little or no arguing can indicate emotional detachment and an unwillingness to resolve conflict. Anger and resentment build up without a fight. According to the therapist, it’s those pent-up feelings that cause things to falter.
4. Difference in sexual desire and unwillingness to compromise
It’s no surprise that we don’t all have the same sexual fantasies. But in healthy relationships, couples are often able to find their way around.
But, of course, there are cases when these desires completely diverge. A more complicated scenario is a relationship in which one person does not want sex at all and the other does. If the differences are so great that they eventually affect the affection and relationship between two partners, then according to McCoy, there is a threat of an imminent separation.
According to McCoy, relationship problems that arise from addiction are hard to solve. According to the therapist, this includes all kinds of addictions. Not only drug or alcohol addiction, but also gambling or cheating. False promises, betrayal, or damaged trust and hope make staying together a huge challenge.
6. Negative expectations
According to a therapist, research shows that doubting or pre-dating is a bad start to a relationship. For example, you mentioned someone who has been cheated on many times in other relationships and also ruined new ones with her jealousy and mistrust. If you enter into a relationship with negative expectations, the chances of breaking up are higher.
7. Lack of affection and appreciation
Some couples become roommates over time and stop showing small but important forms of affection. Think cuddling, kissing, holding hands, shared humor, or enjoying experiences together. Additionally, a lack of appreciation or gratitude can lead to constant criticism, blame, and pointing out each other’s shortcomings.
Instead, you should emphasize the positive qualities of your partner and be grateful that this person, no matter how lacking they may be, is in your life. This, according to McCoy, can make a huge difference in your relationship.
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