“I think it’s exciting that he wants to take care of me financially”


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Laura once, madly in love, signed a prenuptial agreement. Now that life with Michelle has taken so much leisurely, she wants a divorce, but yes, the bank card is his.

Laura (40), mother of Zoe (14), Boaz (13) and Zara (11):

“We got married fourteen years ago by prenuptial agreements. I had nothing at the time. No savings, no property, just the monthly income I always manage all the way through. Michelle is seven years older than me and already had his own business and an apartment in it. the time.

“I had nothing and always ran out of salary”

His parents insisted that he take care of himself financially. They themselves are very wealthy and were terrified that I might escape with his inheritance. They thought our whole marriage was too hasty anyway. Between the lines, I clearly felt that I was not the right wife for their son. Uneducated, not rich, in a very ordinary way. Everything was fine with me, I was so incredibly in love with Michelle that I was sure I would stay with him for the rest of my life and that the whole prenuptial agreement would never become even the slightest problem. Now I think: If I had thought about it a little more.

stay home mom

Two months after our wedding day, I had a positive pregnancy test on my hand. This was definitely not planned. I was just starting out at a new employer who, when I told him I was pregnant, almost immediately told him I wasn’t past my probation period. So I was technical on the street. In the first months of my pregnancy I did not find this problem. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t even think about work. In addition, Michel assured me that not having a job is not a problem at all.

“I thought it was interesting that Michele wanted to take care of me.”

He made enough for us both and also loved the idea of ​​our kid growing up with a stay-at-home mom to kindergarten, that’s how he knew it. I doubted. In a way it seemed great to be a full-time mother, but on the other hand I also felt that making myself completely dependent on Michelle’s income was not wise. But again, I was in love. Really in love. I also thought it interesting that Michele wanted to take care of me financially. It gave me a feeling of safety.

full time moms

Our daughter was born and she loved motherhood. Within four years we had three richer children and we were very happy together. Somehow I longed to get back to work, but our middle son Boaz was a crying baby and when the worst crying ended, it definitely wasn’t the easiest. We now know that he has a mild form of autism. We probably didn’t know what to do with it next. Only when I started planning our lives in an orderly manner were we able to take control of the situation. Being at home was a blessing. I became fist of Boaz and seeing that my method worked and that my son was indispensable, my desire to look for a job disappeared. I had a job: at home. I was important there.

“I had a job: at home. I was important there”

In addition to taking care of the family and children, she became active in the school. I joined the Parents’ Council and became president two years later. Additionally, I was a class mom and worked three times a week as a housewife mom. If you wish, you can work almost full time at the school as a parent. Always unpaid of course. I had no objection to that. Michelle’s business was doing so well that we didn’t have to worry about a dime. still not. I wouldn’t say we are rich, but we are financially well off. Michelle will never say anything about her when I come home after shopping bags full of clothes for me and my kids. They always look great and he says that. I care a lot about my appearance, which also costs me money.

I go to the gym and beautician and do my nails and eyebrows. I go to the hairdresser every month and have recently had a botox injection. It makes me feel good to look good. “Gooi woman,” my friends sometimes call me jokingly. Meanwhile, they do nothing else, the only difference is that they all work – some even work full time.

Read also – “In the middle of the month, the money in the joint account is already gone”>

He failed to achieve his goal

Sometimes in front of my friends I feel like I’m getting shorter in life. For example, when my best friend, who is a lawyer, tells us about a high-profile case she’s working on, I think: she’s really up against something… or if you throw some data into the app to interview everyone and I’m constantly reading back that they want it, but they’re full Fully working agreements.

Then find a job, the response would make sense, but I have an almost blank resume, who wants me? Yes, maybe the supermarket. Then I work for minimum wage…I really don’t feel very good for anything easily, but then I really prefer being there for my kids and relying on my husband’s salary, no matter how unprofessional. I just made an ill-advised choice on my 26th day and am now taking the consequences.

The cake is finished

My dear friend divorced a year ago. She no longer loved her marriage and rented a beautiful apartment close to her ex-husband, where she moved to live with her children. If I had been honest, I would have done the same if I could support myself financially. Then I would leave Michelle, because the cake had already disappeared between us. The infatuation of that time, I can hardly imagine anything anymore. We are totally separated, but we tolerate each other. We rarely argue. If we only had that, there would still be some form of emotion.

“If only we argued, there was still some passion”

Our lives are slow, not exactly what I imagined at the time. When we’re sitting on the sofa in the evening with a glass of wine, it may seem very warm and happy to the average Westerner. The truth is that we watch a series in silence or fall asleep on the sofa in the middle of the evening. Then a new day dawned in which I threw myself among the children and Michelle in his company. unhappy? No, I’m not right. But I know he could be happier.

Love is still nice on the bank account

excitement

A few years ago we had couples therapy. Until then we did not argue, but I wanted to rekindle the love. Michael was also open about that. We planned more time for each other on the advice of the therapist; We visited museums and cinemas, spent weekends in wonderful hotels in charming towns, went to a sauna for a day, and even once together had an ecstasy together to have a good time. If it helped, it was only for a short time. You don’t bring back that feeling of love.

“I helped a little, you do not return the love”

I also understand that everyone’s early infatuation is temporary. But when I see the way our neighbor looks at her boyfriend, I want that too. yearn for it. She loves him, even though they have been a couple for 11 years. They hold hands as they walk the dog and laugh tiptoe at each other’s jokes. When I look at Michelle, I see a nice man and a nice father, but I’m no longer a man who makes my heart skip a beat. I find it boring. I think we are boring. We played each other, I think you can put it that way.

complete transformation

Then let it go, you might say. It just means a complete transformation in my life. I’m sure without a puff, Michelle would pay a lot of alimony for the kids and maybe even rent a house for us. But of course it won’t pay the price for my current lifestyle indefinitely. And honest? I will miss him so much that I will stay with him.

In addition, I also do not want to disrupt the lives of our children. Boaz does such a good job that he can really handle life in two homes so badly. The fact that I can now do whatever I want financially, makes that bearable for me. When I have a day off with Michelle and ride in my cute little van to be pampered by my esthetician, I take fading love more easily for granted.

infatuation

Nobody knows I’m that way in my relationship. To be honest, I feel a little shy. Love should be the most important thing in your life. It should not be missing in family life, but I take this lack for granted because of my luxury life. No more skiing, no short vacation with kids in Aruba. No more eating out every week – because we all do it every Friday; I really miss it just saying it out loud.

But on the other hand, I also don’t know how long I can go on with this. It’s doable in this build with our tolerance policy. I do not rule out that one day I will fall in love with another man, and then suddenly stop caring about all the luxury in which I live now and take a break. I shouldn’t expect Michelle to throw in the towel. He won’t end our marriage alone.

“Michelle thinks he’s fine, because of me he can work.”

I think it’s hard to find infatuation and deep love in him, but he also finds it easy with me at home. He can work because of me. Because of me he comes home every day to a tidy house. Because of me, he doesn’t have to run a rat race with the kids. And this is how we protect each other. It’s funny that the idea that we created this together makes me feel less guilty. We were there and made it happen together.”

This article is from Kek Mama Love Special 2022.

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