Get Rid Of That Belly: I Hate Being Pregnant

Photo: Getty Images

Hester, 44, really enjoyed her pregnancy, even ten minutes after the positive test. Everything else can be stolen from her, from baby showers to birth. But now that she’s had four kids, she’s happy to get rid of that for good.

The placenta had not yet come out or I yelled to my friend, “I will never do this again. She has not given birth again! Do not get pregnant again!” I saw the midwife and the nurses looking at each other in astonishment. I could have rejoiced better at how beautiful the worm drenched on my chest was. Of course I thought about that too – the most beautiful thing – but the fact that my mission as a pregnant woman in this life was done for good was all the more welcome at the party. Kind of a bonus, decorations on the cake.

be pregnant

I hate being pregnant. There, I said it. Nothing in me understands that pink cloud upon which so many pregnant women sit and all the madness that goes with it. Take a maternity photoshoot. That’s not me, why should I catch myself on camera half-naked or completely naked, wrapped in a piece of net curtain at most, heavily pregnant, and also share that (the horror!) with the general public on social media? I find myself dressed pregnant in front of the crowd at a terrifying local grocery store. People don’t talk to you about anything other than that big belly.

“Are you sure there aren’t two?” I was always told somewhere in the third month of all my pregnancies. A month later, the question pops up when I make an appointment; That should be fast, given my size. Yes Gerda, I also know I remind you of one of the sperm whales that washed ashore, somewhere on the shores of Vlieland. But you don’t have to rub that inside me again while I pay for two cucumbers and a carton of soy milk.

beautiful picnics

Pregnancy like this is always fun for me. About ten minutes, right after the positive test. But then things immediately went wrong. I see a thick line coming everywhere. For example, winter sports already booked; For safety reasons, it is not, of course, intended for you to dive down a bright red slope anymore. Don’t spend a night with the old and the new and then the sweet and crooked and so fake happy New Year Noisy from oppa. No Prosecco on the boat. No more riding. The entire year calendar can be cleared blank.

“Honestly? I just don’t like such a belly horn.”

Although of course you get all kinds of “cute new outings”. Every few weeks for the midwife, for example. Like it or not, you’ll live from one date to the next after those first months. It’s all about that ever-growing belly. And I am very honest about that; I just don’t like a century like that. When I look pregnant in the mirror and only see my face, I still think of that huge belly. I wouldn’t immediately describe myself as the sexiest woman in the country, but that last bit of frivolity just goes away during pregnancy. Then I have the allure of a fully stuffed home purse pull cart. In my opinion then.

I also don’t walk when I’m pregnant, I just stagger. As I usually live in 6th gear, I don’t go back in time yet, I’m way too slow. To get to our bedroom you have to go up two stairs. I only do it again in the evenings when I’m pregnant, because it feels like trying to climb a medium sized mountain in the Andes (I think). If during the day I find out that I forgot something, like socks, I leave it like that. Then I wear bare feet, even when it’s cold outside. I just can’t bring myself to get it.

What a party

I don’t feel the need to party during my nine-month workout. Don’t come to me with the baby shower, it doesn’t suit me. If there’s a party I want to take part in, and I’m not sitting there with a bubble-free alcohol, tired and fat on a chair, like the time I was framed. Frost jumps out of my teeth when I see those shiny pictures with pink or blue tables covered in sweet, sugary snacks – and then all the girlfriends, sisters, mothers, and mother-in-laws all decorated the same color. The pregnant woman in the middle, with a bit of luck covered in a plastic sheet with the word “mama-to-be” on it.

“When there’s a party I want to take part in, and I’m not sitting with an alcohol-free bubble, tired and fat in a chair”

What is celebrated there? Should it go on for a few more months with all the physical discomfort that ensues? That it doesn’t let you drink a drop, but on the other hand you end up in a coma every evening right after dinner on the couch? Would you rather eat loose and suspended matter all day and constantly tell yourself that the kilograms flying over the body are really only because of the baby? For your boyfriend to say he still thinks you’re so beautiful, but you haven’t had sex in months? Stop it. I prefer a modest ritual remembrance of the life that once was.

Read also – Honest mothers about the body after pregnancy: ‘Don’t you dare wear tight clothes?’

on top

“I felt completely feminine and was full of energy until the seventh month,” Nikki (33, Effie’s mother) told me. I did yoga during pregnancy and even ran a few times a week. Evie is Nikki’s first and she’s had to wait so long for this pregnancy.

I ask her carefully if she doesn’t talk about it herself, it was so much fun. Because if you wish, you can only be grateful. She doesn’t think so. “I felt really good. My skin and hair sparkled like never before. I took good care of myself; I went to bed early, only ate healthy food and exercised a lot, which kept me in great shape.”

In Nikki’s circle of friends, there are many women who feel the same way. It does require physical exertion every now and then, but above all a miracle of nature which they are very happy with.

I hate being pregnant

big pink cloud

It’s almost a joyful trend to think and talk about upcoming motherhood. Just browse social media and you will only find beautiful pictures of hands on big bellies, beautifully designed baby rooms and pictures of super romantic baby moons; Last vacation together. In this shaped life, everything should be Instagram-friendly above all. Well, that’s not my constant negative attitude about endless erosion.

“I was expecting a great time during pregnancy because of that romance around me”

As far as Elle (31) is concerned, it could be a bit more true. “I was expecting a great time because of the romance around me. A week after my positive test, I hung over the toilet about twenty times a day; away a pink cloud. I was intensely emotional, an absolute witch to my boyfriend and didn’t want to think about meeting friends. I lived for months in a kind of The hermitage. Corona fits me well in that regard. Now that I’m out of a job for over a year, I’m starting to look a little like myself again. We wanted a big family, but I kind of came back from that.”

no embarrassment

Pregnancy ends with childbirth. One is not ashamed of the distorted image of this either. I follow an Instagram account in which a birth is shown in detail almost daily and from the hundreds I have voluntarily watched (do not askI haven’t seen one where the woman in question curses a partner to hell, screams halfway in the hospital or screams she never did it again, and endures all this hell.

They are very quiet films, often with soft music below, of women giving birth in the bathroom; The guy shares in the fun – other kids, if any, are in the same bathroom, too. Everything looks so simple and fun this way, but it’s not reality that way.

“Everything seems so simple and interesting, but it’s not reality”

During my last delivery, my gynecologist suggested an enema one minute after breaking my water, as if it was a biscuit with coffee. My friend suggested we leave the hospital room for a while. “do not stay. no embarrassment I replied today.” Either that or under the watchful eye of your partner and some prenatal nurse right in the bed poop. Don’t do both.

That’s how I survived that day quite a bit. I did not disgrace myself as a talisman, while of course I was ashamed of my appearance and what I was talking about. Really, I could have put a lot of lava lamps and burners with essential oils around my bed; Wouldn’t it be nicer – for me that is.

baby time

I have four children. I had three miscarriages before I got pregnant with our last daughter, Frankie. After much grief, you should thank the goddess of fertility on your bare knees which are still bestowed upon you. “That’s what you want,” he was bitten harshly by an acquaintance, when I complained about my illnesses. In total, I have been pregnant seven times; It’s quite a feat for anyone who hates him so hard.

So why did you start over? These kids of course. exhausted as I find lack of sleep; You rarely hear me negatively about it. I do it for that first smile. For those fat legs and those hands where the rubber bands look around the wrists. So baby smell. For those sweet sounds, that cooing from the stroller.

You won’t hear me say that childhood can’t come soon. I suck every moment, because I can do it myself all over again. I got back up the stairs when I forgot my socks. I jump in the car to get a forgotten assignment, and routinely take the baby in at Maxi-Cosi. I warm the bottles on the balcony in Austria or in the back of the riding school where my other daughter is on a horse. I’m rocking that crazy early motherhood.

“As far as I’m concerned, a fetus can also grow into a baby in a preservation bottle”

Everyone has something of their own, everyone has their own quality. My work is clearly not about pregnancy and I’m sure there are more women out there who would like to see a different solution just like me. As far as I’m concerned, a fetus can also grow into a full-term baby in a preservation bottle on my bedside table, for example. But as far as I understand, this concept has not been worked out very hard by medical science.

This article appears on Kek Mama 09-2022.

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