“A child who is spanked regularly is more likely to develop an anxiety disorder” | family

with his book Are we still punished? Philip Nuwens, a teacher and lecturer in family sciences at Flemish University College Odyssey, asks himself and each parent the thorny question of whether or not the pedagogical slap is warranted in 2022. “Contrary to popular belief, young parents feed their children strictly on. “

“Parents have to set limits in education, but violence is not one of them,” says education specialist Philip Nuwens, a father of four under the age of 12. “Everyone understands something different by educational tap. For some it is a diaper tap, for others it is a strong ear muff. In addition, there is also no scientific consensus about the long-term consequences of such a tap. There is agreement that if a child gets hit Regularly, the chance of developing an anxiety disorder, for example, increases.Moreover, the basic confidence in the teacher can also get a “knock”.


quotes

You don’t slap your neighbor because he’s playing music too loud, do you?

Philip Nines

“Parents often say, ‘I used to get slapped, but I grew up with it, right? But should that be the reason why we keep hitting kids in 2022? My grandparents were still smoking in front of the grandkids. In the car, at home, at family gatherings. I don’t suffer any consequences from this right now, but Does that mean we should basically continue to smoke while driving the kids around?”

I don’t want to explicitly condemn the pedagogical slap, because that’s how you criminalize parents who have out of hand, but of course there is no fundamental reason for slapping children. You don’t slap your neighbor because he’s playing music too loud, do you? There are other, and above all, better ways to do it.”

cuddle with google

Noens doesn’t want to give practical parenting advice about whether there are better ways of punishment. “The first sentence in my book is not without reason: ‘This is not a book about parenting, but a book about upbringing.’ I don’t want to be another expert in a row explaining to parents how they should raise, punish and reward their children. Libraries are full of such books. The Internet is also full. With parenting tips on all aspects of parenting. In the meantime, you can even find a step-by-step plan on Google on the best way to cuddle your child!”

Making rules for your kids? Parents prefer to teach their children self-confidence, according to an Ouders van Nu survey.

“We have been raising children for tens of thousands of years and humanity has not yet died. Intuitively, we seem to be doing a good thing after all. Raising children is an art, but today we seem to want to make it an exact science. Many aspects of education are ‘scientific’ and they are more complex than should”.

We have come a long way in raising our children. The law of supply and demand plays a role here as well. We’d rather consult a website or read a book about potty training than listen to how previous generations made children pee on the potty. Hell, now I offer advice: listen less to parenting experts and consult more with grandparents, aunts, and uncles. (Laugh) But I mean it: the generations before us have a treasure trove of knowledge.”

Do you have anything to say

Noens definitely doesn’t want to say he’s against punishment, something that’s gaining popularity today thanks to parenting books. Moderate parenting by psychologist Nina Mouton. , for the record: I think calls for some kind of indulgence are justified. Children grow up in a society committed to excellence – good grades, a solid education, a thriving career. Paying attention to what’s going on with yourself and the other person and being so kind and empathetic doesn’t sound so bad to me. I also don’t know if all “moderate fathers” are against punishment. They also set boundaries and associate consequences with wrong behavior.”

But what I notice is that nowadays the roles are easily reversed: parents who remain silent and often let their children speak. While children can learn a lot by listening to their parents. Hence our word “authority”: to have something to say. An authority based on the fact that you as a parent want the best for your child(ren), but also based on your age and life experiences. The point is, parents lead the way in the hope that it will help their children, but you can’t fix their future. Our children often go in a different direction, ignoring our rules, advice and warnings.”

A ‘hard’ upbringing consists of stepping in where appropriate and ditching where possible. If I used to come home late after the party, I had to mow the lawn early in the morning. I didn’t miss the disappointment, but also the humor he put in My parents are in that punishment. I hope to pass on this kind of ‘hard’ upbringing to my children. Children simply cannot educate themselves. It is the parents’ responsibility to make it clear to the child what can and cannot be done.”

“Are we still punished?” By Philippe Noens Posted by Borgerhoff & Lamberigts, €19.95. © rv



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