Father’s problemsIn our Father Issues series, we take a closer look at modern fatherhood. How equal are both parents in our mothering culture? This week, Tim and Sander, who love to travel alone with their kids.
As a single parent with your kids aged 4, 12, 15 and 17 in the Philippines for six weeks? “My environment thought I was crazy,” says Tim van der Velte, 53. “It might sound like hell to most parents, but traveling alone with your kids is the best thing ever. Traveling is the only thing that makes you richer.” This certainly applies to a father with his children, he says.
“Like a big handful of love we’ve floated over the islands”
Tim van der Vlet calls himself “Father 2.0″. He does his best to be a present, active and relaxed parent. Traveling together without his wife is an important part of that. “People think it’s very special. When traveling, everyone asks, ‘Where’s my mom?’ When I tell them she’s only home, they look at me with wide eyes. My wife doesn’t like the beach very much, so why would she come with her?”
His wife sometimes travels alone with the children to Japan, where her family lives. Tim says, but then no one on the plane asked where Dad was. Or they think “How pathetic, a single mom with all these kids”. While I get mostly nice reactions.”
He believes, of course, that it is special and “courageous” for a father to take a long journey with the children. “Well, that’s the consistent role pattern,” Tim says. “We mistakenly believe that mothers put in more effort with children, care more about them, and connect with them more intimately.”
While traveling, I explained to my children that I was fond of peer pressure. by ego dad
Weak father with the arrogance of the father
Especially when traveling, Tim notices that he and his children get close to each other. Like after that diving where it almost went wrong. He was breathing underwater and had to abort diving. However, he kept going because he didn’t want to disappoint his kids. It almost got worse, until he narrowly managed to save himself with a “self-developed breathing technique”. He said that once he got back on the boat safely, there was a beautiful moment.
The conversation we had at the time was the best part of the entire trip. I explained to my children that I was in love with me Single pressure. Because of my father’s arrogance. I always pretend my dad is cool and okay, but dad isn’t always okay.” Tim says moments like these with your kids are so important to the band. “Through our travels, I’ve learned that I can be vulnerable and trust my kids.”
Marketing consultant and travel journalist Sander Abbas, 48, of Egmond aan Zee also sees what travel can do to the relationship between himself and his children. He takes the big vacations, like touring Europe for six months in a mobile home or two months to Australia, with the whole family, including his wife. But there is always room to spend quality time with his kids one on one. “I will never forget how I dived with Kai in the Great Barrier Reef and a reef shark swam below us. I can still see his eyes double in size behind his mask and he squeezes my hand. It is special to see your kids enjoying themselves. I enjoy his reaction to the shark more than The shark itself.”
“When I walked in the four-day evening like a father walking among the singing mothers, I thought: For whom is this pleasure?? ‘ Check out the Dad or Alive podcast on Ouders van Nu.
The dynamics change when I go out alone with my kids. Kai will lose after that
But making memories doesn’t have to be far from home. Father Sander also finds it important in the Netherlands to travel alone with his children. His son, in particular, loves adventure as much as he does. Stay overnight in nature, skydiving, or spend the weekend at Campground Twente, where you can practice confinement from the watchtower. We had many beautiful father and son moments this weekend at Twente. It really started in the car when listening to the Top 100 Wrong Music. A song came with the word horny In it my son asked me what it means. That was a good time to explain things to him.”
Sander says the four of us never had such conversations. “The dynamics change when I go out on my own with my kids. Then Kai comes along. We are really men in between then.”
Tim agrees that when you travel together, you step out of the fatherly role for a while. “It’s so much fun. You really explore together. On top of that, you get to learn about other aspects of yourself. Like the role of a mother,” says Tim, “Suddenly I was walking with my little boy on a baby carrier. You are both a father and a mother at the same time.” So every father is advised to go on vacation alone with the kids. “It really isn’t as special or difficult as it seems. You have to do it!”
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