In fact, I don’t remember if I’ve heard of it before? Anyway, I never thought this would happen to me. On closer inspection, it appears I’ve had it for a lot longer than I thought. The whole time, though, I’ve been mistaking it for something completely different, assuming he was smarter than me. Looking back, it turns out that this isn’t the case and it’s just a lot more retarded than it has been all along.
How did it all start…
It all started about eight or nine years ago – shortly after we started our relationship – on our way to southern Germany. Because of his physical limitations, I’m generally the one who drives. He may read maps, but he at least makes himself somewhat useful. Yet, at one point, he cheerfully directed me away from the motorway, onto secondary roads, past traffic lights, through built-up areas, all under the guise of a faster road. That may well be the case, but once I’ve been in highway mode for an extended period, I don’t suddenly feel compelled to engage extensively in regional or city traffic again. This is just not in my head. I prefer to drive dozens of kilometers and then go constantly from the Autobahn to Landesstrasse and vice versa. After all, it is not so that the motorways in Germany are scattered.
So the next time we drove to southern Germany, I ignored him and took the first proper motorway south. It might be that he knows a faster way, but he doesn’t have to constantly point it out, does he? Well, let me tell you the following, and it does! Every time I ignored him, he kept yelling for at least 40-50 kilometers that I’d better take any next turn. At the time I still naively assumed he was smarter than me and wanted to show that there was a faster way on certain secondary roads.
Over the years I kept walking the same route south and learned to ignore it for the first 40-50 km after a proper exit which he did not explicitly advise me. As many relationships show, you eventually learn to live with even the biggest bastard, right? Since he seemed smarter than me, might it be in my best interest to stay with him? Until I found out he wasn’t smarter than me at all.
My first hairline…
I received my first concrete indication of this last year. Due to roadworks and a misjudgment on my part, I accidentally chose the wrong path or exit and before I knew I was in busy city traffic. As he grumbled “Turn around, try to turn around” I tried to focus on the rest of the traffic and traffic lights. I inferred that if you drive straight for a while, it will automatically signal an alternative back to the highway. In fact, after a few miles I stopped sobbing, she picked herself up and took me back to the highway. Were it not for the closure of the highway near this lane due to the mentioned works.
Well, what do I do now? I recognized the ramp as I got off the highway fifteen minutes earlier. I actually drove around. Somewhat nervous, I thought that if I continued driving somewhat parallel along the highway a little longer, it would direct me back onto the highway near the next lane. In fact, after about five kilometers a ramp also appeared that I could use to continue my way. From that moment on, it dawned on me that he apparently entered a mental loop.
As long as the discarded or blocked possibility is faster than the next close alternative, it will steadfastly try to return me to the same ignored or blocked possibility. Although he seemed to me somewhat autistic, there was clearly no human being that was alien to him. Because this was about five kilometers at most, I didn’t pay much attention to it. We never talked about it after that. The scales still did not fall from my eyes.
The end of our relationship is in sight…
Until last summer the scales finally fell off my eyes. With an entire stretch of highway blocked by the construction of a new bridge, I had no choice but to ignore his directions. Although he was wise enough to stop yelling “Turn around, try to turn” in the middle of the highway, it soon became clear to me that his directions to take the next exits to the secondary roads would turn me back. The highway is blocked.
That’s why I thought I’d have to wait more than 25 kilometers before I trusted him again. After 30 kilometers I decided to follow his instructions again and to no surprise. He was still trying to get me back on the highway in the opposite direction to the point where I had previously ignored the dead-end highway exit. Only then did I realize how retarded it really is without an internet connection.
All those years, that bastard, arguing that he was smarter than me, regularly advised me to switch to secondary ways. But the whole time that stupid ass was simply trying to lead me in the opposite direction on the highway back to the place where I first asked for his advice. Talk about stubbornness as a mule. During mutual quarrels, it turns out that this terrible tyrannical bastard can do nothing but harass me for a long time by continuing to advise me sometimes for 40-50 kilometers to return to the place of contention.
That is, as long as the ignored or blocked option is faster than the next closest alternative. Now I realize how submissive and naive I was assuming he would know more than me. Time and time again it appears to communicate structurally unreliably during mutual differences of opinion.
We’ve broken up now and I’m busy dating again!