In 2017, Klar, wife of Wouter de Klein (54 years old), passed away. He was left with three children, Lucas (19), Max (17) and Kathu (12). Five years later, the family is made up differently, with friend Frederick and her son James in the foreground and background. Wouter writes about his family life at JAN-magazine.nl in an honest and humorous way.
I’m at school with one of my kids, and I won’t name names. The classroom is empty and deserted except for a caregiver from the school and a person from compulsory education. They put four tables together in the middle of the room; Our conference table. I get a cup of coffee and the conversation can start. The start of the new school year is more difficult than expected and absence seems to be the only escape route. But school and compulsory education are not satisfied with this. Attendance is required after a gap year in order to determine the correct choice of study. There was a lot of training and talking about “I don’t know what I want” and when his own company came into the picture, his eyes received a slight glint. But shoot and shoot, hours of walking don’t lead to hours of education. He can’t get it done. It lies much deeper, but where? Is it his four-letter behavioral discomfort or the way to combat it? Is it the unwillingness of the teenager, the grief for his mother, or a combination of all these factors? It’s a U-hour, so I involve everything and everyone and alternate with compulsory education, school, care and a GP.
Things will get better
I’m in one of my kids’ rooms, and I don’t name names. He talks to me, but things are not going well. He was just blasting enemies viciously as I interfered with his mission on mine. There are no textbooks or homework on his desk, which for some time has been replaced by a big screen where Netflix and Call of Duty rule. The master goes to work and full-time is a condition for his father to continue living in the house. He wants it, but he doesn’t know how. The plans are big and go from making fast money with his clothing company to renovating and selling homes in Belgium and working in the United States. But the first steps are often the hardest. Strange, because in the current job market you can work almost anywhere, but then you really have to work for it. “Can we agree to send your resume today and text the catering entrepreneur?” I urge him. He mumbles “It’ll be fine!” and returns to the screen. “He’ll be fine” usually means the opposite, so I keep chasing after him. A week of desperately knocking on the door with almost no results finally leads to one phone conversation and a good well-paid job in De Ardennes. With a twinkle in his eyes he told me he already said he’d be fine?
It doesn’t matter
I’m in the waiting room with one of my kids, and I don’t name names. We’ll see the doctor in a few moments to discuss how well the drug has stimulated her growth. Getting an injection every day is no small feat, so we also want the effect. Three centimeters is the result. We are happy to measure it. There is a lot of things going on. To the next school and the next village. Distances widen, life expands, and the role of her father shrinks, if the rolling eyes are to be believed. More and more clothes are on the floor in her room and crockery is piling up – she is already slouching bravely. Oddly enough, I salute more. She’s been very attached to me in recent years, and it’s time that she cares less about me and chooses more for herself. But she sometimes takes off and lacks the words and patience to explain. “It doesn’t matter” is solved, but I don’t think it’s good enough. She deserves tools to deal with the setbacks in her life and I can’t solve everything for her. It’s still tough for both of us, so we’ll shape it together with guidance.
in the first place
All three of my children have their own desires, challenges, and obligations. And that formation pretty much comes together for me. I think this is a big responsibility. I always tell my fellow sufferers that they should think of themselves first; Get enough sleep, take care of yourself, relax and do fun things, because then you can be the best father or mother to your kids. That’s what I’m trying to do, but what if loving your children is greater than loving yourself? Do they come first in order? I do this often, because my kids usually come first. And sometimes even higher because of what you’ve taken.
Then I move around a lot and that doesn’t always help us. I have help from my girlfriend who is thinking with me. In search of more guidance, we’ve put together a schedule of appointments for everyone. It’s a little strange to record the interaction with your kids in such a cool streak, but it literally helps with the framing.
Everything is under control
There’s a man at my dining table writing, I don’t remember names. Friends and family get anxious sometimes. ‘How are you today?’ They roughly take turns offering help and expressing their concern. So sweet to everyone. But I’m kind of in control. I joke, “I have a lot of kids.” This is so. My kids walk a road full of twists and turns and I do the same raising them. I’m no different from the other dads out there, although sometimes it feels different and less structured. I’m still confident their point is on the horizon, but I hope it gets easier. And beyond that? Other than that, it shouldn’t have a name.
Every month you will find a new column he wrote at JAN-magazine.nl. Would you like to read more about Water and his family? Then look at www.updateclaar.nl.