Juliet cut off contact with her mother. So I took Yafki (7 years old) and Ninth (5 years old) from their grandmother.
Juliet (34): “My mother is a complex woman, and perhaps that sums it up best. There’s not one thing I don’t like about her, it’s a whole bunch of bad sides that have led us to not see each other now. It’s actually been a long time coming. My friends have told me so many times that they were They would cut the plug long ago, but my mother and I only had one of them. So I kept forgiving her over and over. Until last Christmas.
Put salt on each snail
I don’t know if she drinks too much. Well, my dad also liked a drink, only my mother drank a bad drink in my youth. She was fine with the first two glasses, then everyone around her started walking on eggshells. I put salt on each snail, and it exploded down the drain and shamefully crept into the role of the victim. I don’t remember the number of times my brother and I were told that we loved our father more than we loved him. Well, it was a shame that touched me so much as a kid, perhaps because it contained a kernel of truth. My father was much nicer than her.
always on top
My mother is very verbally present. always in the foreground; I used to be ashamed of dying on a regular basis. She also cannot listen. When you tell her something, you see her searching for words to tell her own story through. Most of all, she is very busy with herself.
“When you tell her something, you see her looking for words to tell her story with.”
When my father died suddenly nine years ago, his funeral was like “The Great Annet Show.” She had no eye for the grief of my brother and I. She played the grieving widow, all in black, with oversized sunglasses and crocodile tears. I didn’t find her sadness believable. My father and I have been married for years.
In the drink after the service, I drank a bottle and a half of wine. I got into a big fight with my father’s brother right away; It was too awkward for words. ‘Take good care of your mother,’ my uncle said as he left the mourning center emotionally. I took these words very seriously. Now that my dad doesn’t do that anymore, I had to make sure she didn’t get completely derailed.
I miss my father so much. My mother’s grief was over the day after the funeral. I started dating. Not a month went by without her hooking up with another man. I didn’t want to meet them. It was a pattern that didn’t last even a week. You blamed me for it: Didn’t you also grant me my happiness with my friend Niels?
A year after my father passed away, I was pregnant. I confidently told my mother because it was too early, but that afternoon I received congratulations from all sides. I told her she had become a grandmother and didn’t care about our desire to keep it a secret for a while. “I’m going to be a grandmother,” that’s how I brought her the news, not “Juliet is pregnant.” This choice of words symbolizes what they are. Everything revolves around it.
Nils and I wanted to keep the sex to ourselves, to everyone’s surprise. That for my mom with a drink became another reason for controversy. She cried, feeling neglected. In the end I gave up. I had no energy to moan.
Read also – Lara cut off contact with her mother: “I couldn’t stand her criticism anymore”>
to beware of it
Even during my pregnancy, I made it clear that I shouldn’t think she would be taking care of her children, she also has a life of her own. I didn’t intend to ask her at all. It also happened regularly that she already had a glass of wine at lunch and then got into the car with a sip. Just the thought that our baby would be in the back seat with her gave me panic attacks.
“You don’t want to argue with my mother and that’s why you get away so much.”
However, when Yfke was born, she criticized me for seeing her too little. Nils’ parents looked after the children one day a week and she was jealous of it. Not on the alert, but on the connection. I made her mean. For example, she had Yfke on her lap and said in a cooing voice, “Yeah, of course you don’t recognize Grandma Annette, do you? Grandma Annette can barely see you. You’ve let so many pet me, just like my dad always did. You don’t want to argue with My mother and that’s why she gets away with it so much.
Three years ago she met her current boyfriend Goos. Just like my mother, Goos loves a glass of wine and their relationship cracks. They can get angry against each other and the next moment they kiss deeply again.
When they come to visit us, I always have to recover afterwards. They start discussing one by one, and the more they drink, the louder and randomly they talk. It’s not uncommon for them to get into a car with twice the legal amount of alcohol in their blood. And they’ve already let go of arguing a few times, and they’ve left me in tears. It eats energy.
Last Christmas I invited my mother and Goos. My brother was also there with his children; I meant to make it really fun. Days before my busy shopping days, I went to great lengths in the kitchen, even the handwritten menus on the perfectly placed table.
My mother said nothing of all my efforts when she came. Even during the meal I didn’t get a single compliment about my cooking. I’ve talked a lot about their renovation and asked regularly if there was still wine. She didn’t care about the grandchildren at all. When Nint got angry after dinner, my mother shocked me to put her to bed. I thought of my mother-in-law, who in such a case would have gone upstairs with her granddaughter to read and put her in her place.
My brother sighed: ‘How awful’ when our mother and Joe were smoking in the garden. Those words were a watershed point for me. Horrible: It was, yes. Incidentally my mother too, but that doesn’t mean I have to let her make me unhappy anymore.
“Just because she was my mother doesn’t mean I had to let her make me unhappy anymore.”
Quite by tradition, the evening ended with a fight. That night I hardly slept, and the next morning I explained to my mother in a long email that I didn’t want to see her anymore. It was incredibly comforting, although it also made me cry. I did not receive a response to my email. I insulted her to the bone with my refusal.
I find it very sad that I took from their grandmother Yfke and Ninthe, but had no other choice. Oddly enough, they hardly ever ask about it. I don’t miss my mother, it hurts me that I didn’t have a mother who was also there for me and my children. That my relatives are such sweethearts makes up for a lot. Who knows, the contact will recover one day, but for now I think it’s fine; The road gave a lot of noise on the line.”
This article appears on Kek Mama 08-2022.
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