What is your attachment style and what does it say about your relationship?

a Happy and healthy love life It is not given to everyone. One can easily enter into (long-term) relationships, while the other allows less (easy) love partners into their lives. Therefore, finding a good relationship is not easy, and an important step before entering into a relationship on your own is knowing who you are and how you two are brought together. And this starts with Healing your inner child. In other words, what is your style of relating from the past and what does this say about your relationships? Continue reading…

Read also: What does it mean for someone to be dependent in a relationship?

What is interconnection?

Attachment theory is about people feeling connected. Connect with another person. According to this theory, “bonding” actually begins when you’re in the womb. It is the connection you establish, for example, with your parents, siblings, friends and relationship partners. Attachment refers to feeling secure (and in fact, the word itself actually says what it means). Everyone is connected and also everyone needs a connection to another person. What varies with each person is the way you relate to them and how much you relate to them.


Attachment is all about survival and security. You connect with people where you feel safe and stable and where you don’t feel compelled to go into survival mode. By itself, it makes perfect sense for everyone to comment differently. No one has had the same childhood and everyone has a different sense of security. You may not notice much of the way you bond when you’re younger, but as you get older and enter into a mature, intimate relationship where you become attached to someone again, you may start to see that there are certain reasons for that. The way you act or feel in the relationship.

Four attachment styles

So what this should do are the four different attachment styles. These are: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and fearful avoidance attachment. These methods determine how you experience intimacy and security with a new person in a loving relationship and how you respond to it. Everyone wants to feel safe and satisfied in a relationship, but unfortunately they succeed – because of you you are not healed inner child Not always directly.

1. secured bonds

If your parents are present in your life in an accessible way and respond to you in a good way Need As an infant, toddler, and child, you are more likely to have a secure attachment. To you, this might sound in your mind like you had a good childhood. Sure: every house has its cross, but overalls Were your parents emotional Available.

In relationships, you are someone that people of all other attachment styles look up to. You are warm, loving and friendly. In addition, because of your emotionally Young people, is also passionate More. When you enter into a relationship, you fully trust both parties and there are no unstable relationships ups and downs.

2. Anxious attachment

You may have an anxious attachment if your parents were infrequently present (or absent) when you were young. Perhaps your parents never understood you, were there no parents at all or were you always a victim of an arguing mother and father, You name it. If you look at your childhood, it may not always be stable and cheerful.

In relationships, this attachment style can cause a lot of anxiety. The desire for love and attention can also be great. After all, you did not have much in your youth. You really want to be in your relationship, but at the same time something is holding you back: “Am I good enough?” “Isn’t my partner cheating?” “Does he still want?” You worry too much and never know if everything is ‘good enough’.

3. Avoiding attachment

If your parents were very far away in your youth, emotionally unavailable And if you didn’t listen at all to your needs when you were a kid, you likely developed an avoidant attachment style.

In relationships, this may mean that you do not like intimacy or proximity Have. You’d rather avoid it, because frankly you don’t know much about intimacy and obvious love. You really didn’t get this from your parents. Therefore, starting a relationship and making yourself vulnerable is very difficult for you.

4. Anxiety avoiding attachment

The fourth attachment style is a rare style. This is rare, because these are two styles in one. a key Here is that in a relationship people want to commit themselves, but in the end they don’t dare. The bottom line: You simply don’t get into the relationship and intimacy. You may be familiar with the term fear of commitment…


All of these attachment patterns are of course all made up of theory, but if you think about it, it actually makes some sense. What is especially important is that you know what you are dealing with and that you are aware of your situation. Do you recognize yourself in one of these methods and want to work on it? Heal – Heal for you The inner child? Then this is really a good first step. In any case, always remember: You are loved.

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