Many people experience it in their lives and over thousands of songs and movies have been made about it: heartbreak. If your heart is broken, there is often nothing at the beginning more than to stick it back together. But how do you help someone with heartbreak and what should you not do? Heartbreaking expert, Hester Chart, offers some advice.
“It’s a mental state that you end up in when you lose love as a result of a breakup,” explains Hester Chart, a psychologist who specializes in heartbreak. “During heartbreak, you feel many different emotions. Grief over the broken relationship is accompanied by feelings of fear, uncertainty and tension. In addition, physical complaints such as insomnia, more or less appetite and inability to concentrate can also occur.”
Heartbreak is also a form of grief processing. “If you or someone close to you is sad, you want nothing more than to get rid of that feeling or know how long you will be sad. This can make you feel helpless, but unfortunately there is no standard answer for how long heartbreak can last. Heart. It is true that it often takes longer if the relationship ends in a painful way, for example because of infidelity.”
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Give someone space
In general, women are more likely to feel sad directly. As a result, they can feel depressed and anxious more quickly. “It often appears at first glance that men act as if everything is fine, they are less inclined to talk about it and often want to solve the problem through distraction or through a new partner,” Chart says.
Try to get away from the solution atmosphere at first and let someone talk a lot
You are helping someone who is experiencing heartbreak by listening a lot. “Ask questions and leave your opinion about your ex and the relationship. So there is no death eater like ‘Your ex was a idiot after all.’ To address grief, it can be helpful to give the person the space to share their story.”
stop being perfect
“Initially, try to step away from the solution area for a while and let someone talk a lot. Ask open-ended questions like: Where do you want to go back? When is the pain the most? How do you deal with your grief when you are alone? And how can I help you?”
What if someone continues to romanticize their ex? “This is often the result of our brain’s addiction tactics. It ensures that we only remember the beautiful things and forget the annoying moments. It made it seem like the relationship was just amazing.” According to Schaart, it can help by asking about the less pleasant aspects. “It can create distance and help someone stop being perfect.”
Stay away from social media
It’s best not to peek at your ex’s Instagram page, according to a psychologist. “Block everything on social media, one picture can bring out all kinds of feelings. Suppose you see your ex dancing happily, while you feel hopeless in bed, it only reinforces the feeling of rejection. Maybe your ex feels bad too, but you don’t see it on social media.”
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