Of course, they’ve always been different, but since they’re moms, girlfriends Eva and Ryan have completely diverged.
Eva (31 years old), mother of two children (5 and 1):
“I recently came across pictures on my phone from a weekend in Valencia. Just three days of chatting, eating, drinking and inhaling the culture. They were delicious. And that was just one of the trips Ryan and I took together: From Cape Town to Maastricht, we saw so many places The beautiful together.And that, as we promised each other, wouldn’t change of course if we had children. We might go often, but as a mother, it would be nice to take a break now and then.
A weekend away
I was the first to get pregnant, followed by Ryan a year later. When my daughter was two and her son was one, I suggested planning a weekend getaway. My son was not sleeping well and I was looking forward to sleeping undisturbed for three nights. Plus, I felt like long conversations on the balcony, because I saw Ryan much less because of our kids and I talked less.
Ryan looked really shocked. “What about the children?” She asked. I laughed and said that our children have fathers. But I think Ryan really thought I was going crazy. “Maybe next year,” she muttered, and that was the case.
Ryan and I have been friends since high school, when we sat next to each other. We are different, but in a way we complement each other. She is sweeter and calmer than me, and more thoughtful too. I learn from that. On the contrary, she likes to be pushed out of her comfort zone every now and then. At least, that’s what I’ve always thought. So I became a mother.
Ryan is at home with her kids – she now has two – while I work three days a week by myself. Then my kids are in nursery school, and she always has her with her. Her two girls are sweethearts, just like Ryan is calm and sensitive. They are very attached to it. The oldest is four years old and has been sleeping in her bed for six months, the youngest is two years old and far from it. I moved my kids to their own room after three months, very firmly, too. Don’t get me wrong, one is not better than the other. But it’s different. Ryan and I are different.
“When we meet, I notice that she is becoming anxious and prefers to go home”
In the four years that Ryan was a mother, she did not stay away from her children for one night. She and her husband did not go out together for one night, not even in the evening. Once every few months Ryan and I go out for sushi and her husband always calls three or four times because one of the kids wants to see her. She noticed from Rianne that she was becoming anxious and would rather go home right away. Sometimes she does too, sometimes I drink coffee on my own because she’s already gone. Frankly, this annoys me. If you have a newborn baby, I understand that it is difficult for you to leave the house. But if your kids are four and two years old…
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Stick to the old lifestyle
On the contrary, Ryan clearly thinks that I cling too much to our old way of life. She’s also said that sometimes: Motherhood has changed her priorities, while that seems not to be the case with me. I know she doesn’t like me being away from home for three nights and leaving my kids with my husband or in-laws. In this regard, Ryan and I do not understand each other.
“I know she doesn’t like me going away from home for three nights.”
The problem is that I now realize that our friendship has changed a lot, and that weekends were actually the main foundation of our band. That’s why I always had such a good time talking with Rianne and discussing things that we never discussed with others: because we had plenty of time for each other during such trips. Now that this is gone, I’m not sure how to shape our friendship. We also go out sometimes with our kids, but that’s different so you have a little bit of time for each other.
Honestly, I sometimes doubt that the friendship will last at this point. I’d be really sad if I lost our bond, but it’s hard to be friends with someone who can be away from home for two hours at the most. In fact, two hours is a lot for her.”
This article appears on Kek Mama 08-2022.
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