“Vacation with friends, I don’t start it anymore”


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Liesbeth thought going on vacation with her yoga friends would be a great idea, but the execution was a bit disappointing.

Lisbeth (39 years old), divorced, mother of Jaden (4) and Melina (2).

“After my divorce, I felt I had two options: seek refuge in alcohol or turn to yoga. I ended up being the latter and joined a class at the local gym meeting center. Six women, all mothers, and three newly divorced—we soon became A group of friends and we stopped long after yoga to chat.

away together

We also met outside of yoga classes, regularly with the kids. Great days that gave us all so much energy. It wasn’t long before someone shouted, “We have to go away for the weekend together!” Everyone enthusiastically agreed. However, it turns out to be quite an arrangement to find a weekend where everyone can go, because shared parenting schedules and other conventions make the task of planning nearly impossible.

“Why don’t we go with the kids for five days during the May holidays?” Eventually he suggested someone and that turned out to be a more feasible plan. We booked a large villa in a country park with a huge playground and pool and without asking ourselves a few basic questions – five days wasn’t very long, for example – we headed in that direction.

So many mothers, so many opinions

The problem is: So many mothers, so many opinions. No matter how much fun you can have with each other and have long conversations, once you meet your friends in their role as moms, it’s different. Going out with six plus eleven kids wasn’t a good idea. One day it will pass, because you will be amazed at what you see happening and you will shrug your shoulders: everyone has their own upbringing and lives the fact that we are all different. But then there is no need for that.

“Five days is too long to think: Well, let it go”

Two days will be more difficult, but five … then you can not ignore that anymore and the differences will also affect your children. And five days are too long for us to think: Well, let her go. Because I think my kids shouldn’t squeak but only eat what the jar offers – since the jar wasn’t serving brussels sprouts but pasta with tomato sauce or pizza or meatballs – two mothers would cook separately for their kids who didn’t. We don’t have pasta or pizza. I stayed. Think Jayden, dishonest, then try to keep your leg stiff.

child-rearing methods

But also: the children who got out of bed fifty times and after a lot of “If you had extra time, then…” were suddenly allowed to sit on the sofa with us all evening and eat chips, while the others at our party were allowed – myself for example – Were they looking forward to a fun evening with the adults. Children who started screaming deafeningly when they couldn’t find their way and then made their way. Kids who didn’t want to go to the pool or now right away, also made their way.

Kids who hit other kids because they were angry and were not treated harshly but were comfortable with understanding (“he’s also very sensitive to stimuli”), kids who sat at the table with their dirty hands and fingers full of bacteria in the sushi and it wasn’t corrected, kids were making a big mess and then They don’t have to pick up a game and I can keep going. My children are not saints, but I deal with them when they are not behaving and I wish others would, too.

Read also – Well, it’s a vacation: we’ll raise it again then>

girlfriends

But it wasn’t just children. Turns out the women I loved so much during our yoga class are a little different in everyday life. Like a friend who used to be very sociable and now only complains about everything – the weather was not good, the pool was not good, the house did not like her, the playground very boring, the food not really good: nothing was good enough according to her. Or the girlfriend you couldn’t handle when you couldn’t decide everything. What we ate, what time we went, what movie the kids watched – when someone else makes a decision, she will reverse it to act her own way. Was she that relaxed woman you met every week?

There was also a friend who did not arrange or think of anything, but commented on everything. Then he thought of something, I wanted to capture, but I didn’t. I also found it difficult to have one of her friends yell at her children all day long – so loud.

unsociable

Where I had been wishing for a holiday full of joy and energy, now I felt bad. On the fourth day I passed. Everything and everyone bothered me and I couldn’t hide it. collided. I went back to my room to cry a little. One of my friends walked in, closed the door and said, “What are you crying about? I’m sorry, lies, but we talked about it and you really aren’t having a good time.”

“Now you suddenly become unbelonging?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Me, who was constantly backing down and never giving an opinion? Suddenly become the unbound person? I felt very wronged, especially since they apparently discussed it with each other.

For sweet peace

Once again, the beautiful peace in which my tears dried up and I said nothing. Then I put an indelible smile off my face for the rest of the week. When I go to bed in the evening, there were usually three kids on the sofa, so cozy girlfriends evenings were out of the question anyway.

After the vacation, I took two more yoga classes and then canceled with the announcement that I had no more time. There were surprising reactions in the group app, but that’s it. One thing I know for sure: a vacation with friends, I will never start it again. ”

This article was featured at Kek Mama Summer Special 2022.

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