“My boyfriend cheated on me for three years with someone else”

Since the beginning of her relationship with Danny test Linda (31) Already an intuitive feeling. I’ve ignored it for a long time – it wouldn’t be a thing. Until I found out that he never ended the relationship with his ex-girlfriend.

Relationship

“Danny and I met at work. He always seemed dominant to me, but during a work drink we seemed to have a good flick. We started talking and discussed everything quickly: my relationship that had just ended, I had my daughter with my ex, and his relationship that wasn’t going on. It’s fine too.Our conversation touched me.Danny knew how to put everything well and respond to the things I said.

After drinks, Danny and I kept in touch. He was really interested in me and I noticed that I was developing feelings for him. But because he was still in a relationship, I was hesitant. He said he wanted to end his relationship but found it difficult. His current girlfriend had moved from Hungary to the Netherlands. I found it difficult. He even claimed one day that it was over. Since then, Danny and I have been somewhat in a relationship.

Looks loving and sweet deeds

We never officially announced our alleged relationship, and Danny wanted to keep what we had a secret: after all, we worked together and held a higher position. A number of colleagues knew him, including my best friend I was working with at the time.

At first, Danny was very good to me. He was helpful, attentive and attentive. He would regularly bring gifts for my daughter, and when I was feeling bad, he would serve food. He was also very bold. He could say to me like, ‘Come, pack your things, I’ll take you somewhere, and then we’ll go away for the weekend. We had a great time together, but that was only the beginning.

decline

Every now and then, I ask Danny if he’s still in contact with his ex-wife. Since I moved to Holland for him, it made perfect sense to me. But he was always pissed off when I asked about it, or he just ignored me for days. Surely he will not answer such a stupid question? You knew it was over, right?

Danny started acting strangely and strangely. For example, he wasn’t there for me when I needed him – I spent Christmas alone, for example – and could only meet in his own way. When I came to his house as a surprise, he got angry. I don’t open the door. Do you really think you can pass? And when I missed him after I wanted to take him as a surprise from Schiphol after his vacation, all I got was a great app: “I’m already home and I don’t want to see you”. I came home with tears in my eyes. What kind of man is this?

No peaks but valleys

Danny always makes excuses afterwards. Then he regretted it and stood on the doorstep the same day with flowers. He moved from left to right with him, and these are just a few examples. He was also very controlling. Danny was afraid I was going to cheat, so when I went out with my friends or on vacation, he asked me to text or call him constantly. I got a lot of stress from his behaviour.

When I was offered a new job at one point, I was very proud of myself. I would have been able to do well with my secondary education. During dinner at a restaurant, I told Danny that I was proud, but decided to stay with my current employer. He wasn’t happy for me at all. He just looked at my breasts and said, “Do you know why they want you to stay?” Because you look sexy. This is it.‘I was unable to speak.’ I couldn’t get a bite out of my throat anymore and wanted to go home. He begged me to stay, saying he didn’t mean it that way, but that’s what the world was. He just wanted to make me realize that. When I got home, all I could do was cry. I didn’t feel like I deserved anything. Guys only saw me because I look cute.

addicted to relationship

My relationship with Danny lasted like this for a long time. I’ve read things about narcissism on the internet and the symptoms are identical to Danny’s. I just didn’t do anything with it at first. I stuck my head in the sand. I stayed with him because I became addicted to him and addicted to our idea. At first we had good moments and I wanted to experience those moments again: that loving look at him, the sense of security I carry with him, being able to talk for hours. I was longing for it.

Danny also thought the relationship wasn’t going well. He felt a distance from me. He thought I didn’t understand him, that I didn’t feel him. That’s why he came up with the idea of ​​thinking about our feelings for a month, having no contact with each other and blocking each other via WhatsApp. He didn’t keep this appointment and kept texting. At the end of January we went to a hotel to celebrate my birthday and to talk about our feelings. On my birthday I received a large bouquet of flowers with a bottle of wine. But that night was in vain. We got into a huge fight and decided to end our relationship. You’re done.

Heart broken

After the breakup, I was wrecked and burnt. The breakup caused me a lot, and while having a drink with friends, I burst into tears. My friends encouraged me to call in sick at work, they said I couldn’t get a job. I knew they were right, but I found it hard. How was I supposed to say that at work? The person who actually worked for the company was the biggest reason. In the end I captured my supervisor. He was understanding and gave me all the space and time I needed.

In the weeks that followed, I just cried, had panic attacks and worked ceiling shifts. I was happy if I could take my child to school. I knew I needed help and eventually found a narcissism coach via Instagram. She helped me a lot and after three months I’m back at work. I thought I could put Danny’s thing behind me, but suddenly I heard on the phone that Danny had moved in with his ex-wife a day after our hotel stay. But it seems he put her back on the street a few weeks later, because according to Danny, it just didn’t work out. For me, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place and I was sure that it never came apart. So my gut feeling was right the whole time.

Ex-girlfriend

After thinking about it for a few days, I decided to message her on Instagram. She asked for confirmation and wanted to know if she was actually in a relationship with Danny the whole time. It turns out that this is the case. I told her that I had been Danny’s ex-girlfriend and that I had had a strange relationship with him for the past three years. If I feel the need to talk, I’m open to it.

That same evening, she called me, reaped. It soon emerged from her phone story that Danny treated her the same way. Jana didn’t know I existed all these years so she had so many questions. After she indicated that she needed a physical encounter, she agreed.

Jana and I met at a hotel restaurant. I was very tense. We greeted each other with a hug – I joked that we were actually in a relationship all these years too – and started talking. We discussed what happened and compared the storylines. Apparently Jana and Danny made an offer to buy a house together when I was on vacation in Ibiza with my best friend, and he called me every day crying because he was afraid I would meet someone else in Ibiza. It turns out that he leads a double life. Oddly enough, I had a nice evening with Jana. I could see why Danny fell in love with both of us. We were so alike: we both wanted the best of ourselves and were always ready for someone else. I think Jana and I had three bottles of wine that night.

I haven’t communicated with Danny for a long time, I blocked him from everything. However, he cannot give up control. He has been seen driving down my street several times, asking about me through mutual friends or colleagues, even though he seems to have a new girlfriend outside. Just when you think it’s done does he manage to find a way or another way to remind me of it. Something that costs a lot of energy, but says a lot about it.

Now I’m going to do fun things again: to festivals, out to dinner with friends, or do something fun with my daughter. I notice that I live more in the moment and can honestly enjoy things again. But sometimes I have fewer moments: and then I sit on the sofa all evening crying and think: How did you let me get to this point? But I’m really trying to put that behind me now. I’ve lost faith in men, but I hope he’ll come back. Time will tell.”

Photo: Kinga Cichewicz

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