“More attention to deceased children”

The parent who survives his child: “That’s not right,” you hear often. However it happens more often than you think. However, there is no interest in this in the media, but this is starting to change. Eileen Rordink, 31, and Marty Lott, 41, who lost their son soon after birth, are committed to doing so with a magazine for the parents of a deceased child: NEL (Love Never Ends). “A story in the media can be an opportunity to bring the topic up again. Something that is difficult for parents sometimes.”

In October 2021, Eileen lost her son Louie shortly after his birth. say to subway Over the phone: “Louis’ 20-week ultrasound showed that something was not right, his stomach was open. In the end, it also turned out that he had a syndrome that caused him to be born 13 weeks earlier. In the end, the complications that arose From premature birth to his eventual death.”

After the death of her son, she expected to fall “into a great black hole”, but it did not happen. “I felt a lot of love for him. You always hear stories of people falling into a ditch after a child dies, so I prepared for that too. When Lowe got bad, I thought, ‘I won’t survive this if he doesn’t survive this.’ Didn’t expect this feeling of intense love I set out to investigate, and I finally found Martí.

Neil: Love never ends

In Martje, I found a fellow suffering, someone with a similar story and a listening ear, but also someone who committed himself to others. I actually started NEL magazine, but it stopped working for a while. Elaine: “She had started the magazine because she also felt this love for her son after his death. NEL also stands for Never Ending Love. When I saw that she had left the magazine, I sent her a message asking if she wouldn’t mind another issue.”

Without seeing each other, Eileen and Martji put on their first joint release. “She was still very new to me, so we decided not to put any pressure on her,” says Elaine. “That was very nice. In the end I also wrote my own story, which was very intense. But it also felt good. I wanted to help other parents and do something with my story.”

More attention to the dead children

“What I especially liked about this process is talking to other parents who have been through this. Half a word is enough for you.” What Eline and Maartje want to achieve is to create a safe place for parents who have lost a child, help them with the stories they write and generate more interest in the topic. They try to achieve this themselves through the magazine and through social media, but they also notice that there is more interest in it on TV, for example. That’s how I loved good times bad times Shanti’s character recently of a dead child.

This interest means a lot to NEL readers, according to our own research. 99 percent of them like that more attention is paid to the loss of a child. Breaking a taboo, making it open to discussion, painting a picture that parents go through after losing a child, and creating more understanding are the reasons parents often mention.

For example, mother Mariska, who lost her son in 2021, says: “In soap operas and films, it is often about death and loss, but you almost never see the death of a child. This is very intense, while a lot of people suffer from it. By paying attention to this It is precisely, talking about it may become less intimidating to strangers. For example, when I tell people that my son has passed away, they are immediately shocked and apologize. But I just enjoy talking about it because there is so much love out there.”

Muharram

Elaine also thinks there is a taboo about it. “I’m very open on my social media and in my environment anyway, but people often find it a scary topic. People don’t really know what to do with it and how to deal with you.” She also has advice for people who know someone whose child has died: “Ask open-ended questions and don’t be afraid of the topic. People often like when you ask. For many parents, there is no greater grief than losing a child. So you won’t make us sad by asking. Some parents actually prefer not to Talk about it, but they’re really pointing out.”

She also points out that not every pregnancy goes well, as can often be seen in films and series. Pink cloud, rose scent and sunset: in many cases this is not the case. “It’s not clear that you can hold a healthy baby in your arms, that’s a miracle.”

With the magazine, Elaine and Martí try to break the taboo by telling the stories of their struggling colleagues. “The story of the parents of a dead child, but also the story of the parents of a sick adult or child who died. We also try to connect them through social media, for example, and an upcoming event. We felt very strongly that there was a need to connect in real life.”

Eileen believes that “giving a place” to this loss is not an option for almost any parent. “It is something you take with you for the rest of your life. It helps me feel strongly that he is still with me. He has been there, has been and always will be.”

The NEL magazine is for sale via the website, which also contains blogs from fellow sufferers.

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Eileen lost her son shortly after his birth: ‘He will always be with me’

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