‘She did everything she could to make our lives miserable’


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I thought Yannick, you’re such a nice man when I met the divorced Hugo. And she still thinks so, but unfortunately his broken marriage severed their relationship.

Janicki: “Never a man again. That’s what I sighed to my friends when I finally decided to divorce Tejerd, the father of my children. That was four years ago, my son Kjeld was seven, and Bjorn was five. Gird and I had not been happy with each other in years and had We expressed it in countless blames back and forth, giving each other nothing and constantly arguing.Divorce was inevitable, but it took me a long time to tie the knot.And then another year to get everything done.

Make each other’s lives miserable

We made each other’s lives miserable, and like during our marriage, we didn’t love each other very much. I, too, certainly didn’t act like a philanthropist ex who wanted to make things right for the kids, no matter how many times I said to myself like a mantra: I once loved this guy, he’s the father of your kids, swallow him up again because you’re not going to get rid of him…

No, I wouldn’t bother if he wanted to go to Belgium with the boys for the weekend because there was a family weekend there, because I wouldn’t let him go abroad. My sister told me, act normally. So you don’t give your kids a weekend in the Ardennes with their cousins?

With blush on my cheek, I called Gerd to say I had changed my mind. And the time we went to court because he wanted a three-hour change in our co-parenting schedule doesn’t deserve a beauty award either. In retrospect, I think: What was I doing? Did I want to bother him so badly to work through the old pains of our marriage? If you can even call her a treat – she’s sicker even more.

Giving and envy

Conversely, he can also use it; When I finally found a weekend getaway with a group of five friends we could go to Ibiza, all I had to do was ask Tjird to change weekends with the boys. He said he didn’t. He already had plans. The fact that those plans consisted of drinking beer with his friends, whom he sees every weekend anyway, and that he could also change those plans, didn’t matter, he said. The deal was a deal. And so the entire planning of Ibiza had to start all over again. We didn’t go until eight months later.

“It’s a complex game of give and take, and the pain of the quarrels of the past and the old never end”

Tegrid didn’t care that I was angry. Which I just want to say: I understand how it works, catching flies when you are apart. I understand that every now and then you can lose your sense of reason. I understand that shifting the schedule is not something on the agenda, but rather a complex game of give and take, pain from the past and old battles that never end. But in the end I can say with some pride that Gird and I have crossed our shadow. We needed help from a broker, but we succeeded.

Now we can get along normally and give each other a nice life. And if that means one of us has to make a gesture to the other once, we’ll do it. I wish I could say the same about Wendy, Hugo’s ex-girlfriend. The man I miss every day. Then things would have been completely different.

nice man

I met Hugo at a party, almost three years ago now. With his dark hair, black eyes, and days beard, he immediately caught my eye. I thought he was cute, and as soon as I was, I approached him. That evening, he came home with my number, and it took me exactly ten hours to call. And another twelve hours before we see each other again in a restaurant. Before us, he went home with me – nothing to me, but he felt fine.

He was also divorced, had the age of Kjeld’s son, his ex was the opposite, and I felt many similarities. This opposing ex, I didn’t like him at all red flagI felt especially sorry for him. Hey, I was madly in love, but at the same time I also wanted to take it simple. Meeting the kids, informing the exes, it was all a long way off. Maybe after a week I got bored.

I love happiness

But I wasn’t. A week turned into a month, a month turned into six months and then I told Tegrid. He had to swallow, but he admitted he was dating himself and was in love. Good luck, I said, and he said the same to me, and so we had a moment of tremendous maturity, we thought of ourselves. It was also true: Tgerd appeared to give me my happiness in love and agreed to meet. At first only he and “Hugo”, then the boys. Smooth sailing, guys kind of clicked.

“If you break their rules, you’ll go to court, I’ve been threatened”

Then it was Wendy’s turn. The divorce was now two years ago, but, Hugo warned, it wouldn’t go well on his part, as it would be with Gird and myself. Turns out that was an understatement. Wendy did not authorize a meeting between me and their son Milan. Wendy certainly didn’t want to meet me, and if I broke her rules she’d go to court, I threatened.

iron truce

Hugo was furious, but suggested waiting. Strange, I thought. Why not show more muscle? Of course, if its demands are easily met, it will continue. But I didn’t want to stir so I didn’t say anything.

For the next four months, I bit my tongue until I was completely done with it. Everything was: Wendy doesn’t want this, Wendy doesn’t. “And you, what do you really want? Isn’t our relationship worth the risk of a fight with your ex? Let her go to court, you’ll lose it anyway. But no, sweet peace, always sweet peace. Which, by the way, was not peace, but a truce,” Hugo asked. ferrous metal

take her place

After a year, I was satisfied: I said: Either I meet your son, or I leave. Hugo agreed, spoke to Wendy and against my desire to visit Milan. A cute kid looked at me curiously and decided I was fine. You handled it well.

And it was, of course, against Wendy’s sore leg, who from that moment tried even harder to lie down in front of everything, afraid if she would take his place. As if I wanted to, I had two children. But Hugo could not explain it to her. And she did not speak to me, she informed me first through him and then through her lawyer.

“From that moment on, I tried very hard to lie down before everything, afraid if it would take its place.”

What nonsense, I thought, and called her. What I wanted was to make it clear that I did not want an extra child and that I would never question her standing as a mother. But nothing I said came. She shocked me saying I wasn’t there with her and hung up. “You shouldn’t have called,” Hugo said when I told him. This painful. I really had the best of intentions, at least he could have supported me. Because let’s be honest, we didn’t have to count on his decisiveness either.

Read also – This mother asks: “Dear ex, will I never get rid of you?” >

Emergency

Wendy did everything she could to make our lives miserable. When Milan was there, she called a hundred times with meaningless questions. Then he had to come on the phone while he was playing with my boys. When Hugo and I left for the weekend, I called in panic. She was on her way to the emergency center with Milan and Hugo had to come now. And so, three hours after our arrival, we drove home with 140 people from Antwerp in a fake emergency. Milan had missed climbing the stairs and the wound was taped above his eyebrow, that’s it.

Hugo went with Wendy, and I waited in the car in front of the door. Three quarters of an hour. “Fortunately it wasn’t too bad,” Hugo said when he came out again. She picked up my voice as if he didn’t really realize what she was doing. “It was an accident,” he said. An accident could have resolved itself.

“Keeping her sweet peace, he repeatedly ignored my concerns”

The next week I saw the wound. Not even half an inch wide. But Wendy’s goal was achieved, and the romantic weekend was ruined. I think it’s commendable that Hugo didn’t want to push things to a head with his ex-wife because that’s not in Milan’s interest. But by keeping her sweet peace, he repeatedly ignored my concerns.

A massive quarrel between us cleared the atmosphere, silenced it for four days, and then repented. Yes, he also now realized that he put Wendy’s interests above mine and yes, he was going to ask her to meet me at least once. Because we’ve been together for over a year and a half and I’ve only seen her in the hallway. Weird, but that’s how it was. And the summer holidays were approaching, so dates had to be fixed. Hugo and I wanted to go to France with the three boys for ten days. Wendy wasn’t going to give permission, she already said. “Now is the time,” I said to Hugo. “Now you have to defend yourself.” I meant: for us. But I didn’t say that.

Meeting

Hugo started talking and that led to the meeting—”if you really have to do it,” according to Wendy. It sounds to me like you want your stepmother to know your child, but hey, I wanted to keep it positive and never say things like that. We met at the cafe, it was just her and I. She came sullen, ignoringly answering my questions for half an hour. Then I went again. I drove home crying.

“It starts here,” said Hugo, the optimist. But I felt more and more that the beginning was not there, the end was coming. The whole situation, the constant tension caused by Wendy, the tweezers that Hugo was on because of Milan, made me feel dehydrated.

Then came summer vacation. Hugo forced Milan through the lawyer, but the matter did not go that far. Because the day before departure, Wendy sent an application from Germany. Picture of her and Milano: very pretty here. I was confused. Hugo called. ‘What or what?’ Wendy played Murdered Innocence. “No, it was France next week, wasn’t it?” With every muscle in my body tensed, I stood ready for the fight that was to follow, but nothing happened.

Tell Wendy she won.

This was really a misunderstanding, Hugo said. Hugo hang up. Hugo asked if we could go up for a week. While my boys were looking forward to it, moreover, they were going to go with Tjird the following week. I said “No” and suddenly words came out of my mouth that I hadn’t prepared, but I meant so much. This will not work. I’m going to France. And you will not come. Tell Wendy she won. Hugo struggled and said he didn’t want to lose me and I guess I didn’t mean that either.

This is your battle

That’s right, I didn’t want to lose him either. But I can no longer, the fight with Wendy has cost me all my energy. Hugo could have kept one arm around me, but his ex-wife pulled her other arm. I said, “This is your fight, not mine.” “And you have to do it yourself.” The next day I traveled to France with the boys.

She’s on the iPad in the back seat, and I’m crying behind the wheel. Hugo kept calling, but I didn’t answer. For my own safety, because I’d rather be the other way around. I wanted to be with Hugo. This is still the case a year later. I miss everything about him, and still love him. Sometimes we have a connection and then he promises that the whole situation will be different, but nothing concrete happens.

“After all, I didn’t put in much effort to end up in a divorce fight after all”

Recently had to hang up due to waiting for a call. Wendy admitted. Then nothing has changed. This reinforced my conviction that I was making the right choice, even if my gut feeling suggested otherwise. After all, I didn’t put in much effort to be able to handle my ex normally and then ended up in a divorce quarrel. Then I’d rather be alone.”

This article was featured at Kek Mama Summer Special 2022.

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