Mike expects fourth. Although her pregnancy was really intentional, that extra mouth to be fed was really bad.
Ma’akah (38), mother of a son (8) and two daughters (5 and 3).
“If I had known in advance that this fourth pregnancy would be accompanied by so many quarrels at home, I would have acted differently. Then I would at least wait to try to get pregnant until my husband gets a job again. It is a very mixed feeling, because the pregnancy is not clear and I feel incredibly lucky. Unbelievable because I succeeded so quickly at 38.
But fair? Secretly, I was counting on it long before I had a positive pregnancy test on my hand. It took our son over a year and a half before he hit and with our two daughters who followed for at least a year. It might be naive, but because of that I didn’t take into account that it would be a huge blast at once.
When we’re not arguing, we sometimes “joke” about it; Past performance is no guarantee of the future. We’re looking at it, because obviously we feel uneasy about how we should relate to this financially.
Eat snacks off the bill
4000 euros in our bank account. No savings account, just three digital banks for children with 600 euros each. We should buy a car so that at least my husband can easily access the independent cooking jobs. He’s a cook, but when the restaurant industry was forced to shut down during Corona, the restaurant he was working in quickly went out of business.
“If we pay off the mortgage, gas, water, electricity and all the insurances, we will have 400 euros left.”
He is entitled to unemployment benefits. In the first two months it was 75 per cent of his previously earned daily wage, now it is 70 per cent, which drops to just under €1,600 net per month. When we paid off the mortgage, gas, water, electricity and all insurance, 400 euros left. Groceries and diapers cost a lot of money, around 300 euros per month. Every month we are short of money and more “candy” than we count. I feel hot just talking about it.
Meanwhile, my stomach is growing exponentially. After my son and two daughters, I am pregnant again with a boy – 35 weeks now and all ultrasounds are looking good. When we decided in a romantic frenzy to have a fourth child, we assumed that my husband would soon find another job. It’s disgusting.
We live in the countryside where restaurants are scattered anyway. Then there are a few vacancies for full-time chefs because many restaurant owners seem to be approaching them with caution two years after Corona. I dare say my husband responded to every cooking job in a thirty kilometer radius from where we live. without success. is to become hopeless.
“He thinks he’s a loser and can’t support his family”
If there is another rejection, we get nervous. Out of uncertainty I say we shouldn’t have had a fourth baby now because we’re short on money every month. Who remembers I convinced him. It blindly believed me when I said it would probably last forever before I got pregnant again. He also claims to consider me a loser, a man who does not support his family. Sneezes: ‘Go and introduce yourself, then you will find out how difficult it is’.
Read also – “I lost my new job during the Corona Lockdown” >
stay home mom
I worked for years as a teacher in an elementary school. I did it with great pleasure, until I experienced severe pelvic instability during and after my second and third pregnancy. The youngest is now a year old, and the instability should really be over. But when I stand and walk a lot, the pain increases.
I also think it’s unfair for my husband to call me to go to work, because even a few months ago, we all agreed that the benefits of working part-time don’t outweigh the fact that I’m a stay-at-home mom. In our opinion, the most stable base for our children with plenty of room for development and fun at home. None of us thought about sending our children to day care.
I want to be a mom who is always there. Who can experience each step of development. The kind of mom who has tea and biscuits ready when they get home from school. I used to be the “main kid” myself. With two parents working full time, I had to work on my own when I got home from school. I experienced it as unsubscribable and very lonely and it was my dream, our dream, to do it differently with our children.
My parents are honest about this: they have doubts and fears about this upcoming fourth child. They are not the parents who give me money and I don’t want that, but it would be nice if they were at least happy for us. Being able to understand why we would like to have another child to complete our family. It makes me keep my concern about our financial situation to myself.
I don’t tell them how I walk around the village with the kids to buy cheap groceries. Little do they know that I’m a heavy consumer of “free pickup” Facebook pages and that the clothes we all wear are warriors. That we haven’t had a single picnic in two years, except for the free jungle playground.
pressure on money
I’m nervous because the bill is empty and my husband is mad at me for not waiting with a fourth child. I try to imagine that a lot of families have to live on the same monthly income. And there is hope: my husband was asked to do catering. On the basis of self-employment.
“I’m afraid the tension won’t stop for long”
He had to travel to Utrecht, a distance of 120 kilometers. Should we buy a car? Can we afford insurance and petrol? And how much is actually left of those freelance jobs? Should we stop unemployment benefit? There are so many questions running through my head that I am afraid the tension will not stop for long.”
This article can be found on Kek Mama 07-2022.
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