A happy life? An intense experience story for Roos*

This week’s story is an intense experience from Roos*: ‘I’ve been kicked and hit by my partner before. I thought our son (7 years old) didn’t like it. Later it turned out that he had already seen her. He did not dare to talk about it. Domestic violence also occurs in Heusden. Social workers in Beijing Heusden are committed to stopping violence and finding solutions.

Sometimes, couples can still provide security in their relationship, and sometimes that isn’t possible. The priority of help is always to keep children safe. But can the relationship be saved? This is often the search for such a story.

Ross* says: ‘Everyone around me told me to leave him. My mom, my sisters and even my stepfather! I already lost friends because I told them about the violence. But they didn’t understand that I stayed with him anyway. They couldn’t take her anymore and basically let me down.’ If you want to stay with him, you have to choose him for yourself and then find out for yourself.

But I couldn’t leave him. I didn’t want to let him down. Everyone had already given up on him. I wanted to help him. I thought we would work together. I noticed that he became violent when he took drugs. I thought I could get him off the drugs and he’d be fine. In the end it turned out that I could not help him, he did not want to help. When my son’s teacher started noticing he was having problems at home, I became desperate. Finally in a conversation at school I was told that I was being beaten up. I didn’t want to lose my baby, but I didn’t want to give up on my boyfriend either. So I contacted the local police officer and then the social worker in Beijing Heusden. After my conversations, I realized that I should leave my friend. I learned that there were patterns in our relationship that weren’t healthy. I didn’t dare say anything to him, just to avoid controversy. I have overstepped my own limits. The worst part was that I realized I didn’t help him with my behavior at all. We are caught in a negative whirl of arguments, beautification, and silence.

It wasn’t a healthy relationship, but someone had to hold this mirror to me before I even noticed it. What did you see in the mirror? I saw a woman looking for love. But in the wrong place. I could not bear the sadness of leaving him, I loved him so much. But when I saw that it was better for him too, I could have been stronger and let him go. We brought out the wrong things in each other, and I know that now. Some people can still save their relationship, and I really believe that. Even when there was violence. But my husband was so addicted to drugs and our relationship was so toxic that it didn’t get any better. Even if he is open to treatment. Not long after that I noticed that I had been demolished. Tired of fear and fatigue. I had to make time for myself first so that I could recover mentally.”

When children witness violence, they are considered profound life experiences. They may feel insecure and this affects their general sense of security. It has been shown that the structure of the brain changes because they experience a lot of fear early in life. They are more likely to experience stress and anxiety in new situations than children who have not witnessed violence. Parents often underestimate the impact of violence on their children. They often think they haven’t heard or seen it. But little jars have big ears! And when the mother feels anxious and panicked, so do the children.

If you recognize someone in this story, have a look at www.bijeenheusden.nl/gelukkigleven to read what you can do! Do you recognize yourself in this story? Then seek professional assistance from Beijing at (073) 78201 78 or [email protected]. Do you need immediate help? Then call 112!

* For privacy reasons, the names in this article have been changed. We have permission to share this story.

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