Soraya: Only now did I notice how harmful the role of the mistress was

“For years I was that other woman. The mistress for whom he went for a walk with the dog to make a call. The woman whose phone was listed under SRShipyards. Her conversations were deleted and she was only allowed to text via Telegram. The woman who sends and receives selfies every day, which also cannot be saved.

The lady who lied to his wife for her. He had dinner with a customer and then he was cooking for me. For someone who lied to their boss and made appointments over the phone instead of in the office. The reason why he took his daughter more than once half an hour late from riding school.”

“At first I didn’t see the damage from it. His lies, his double life, his problem. He was saying more about him than he said about me, I suppose. Because I was single and our love was real. He wouldn’t leave the house until his daughter was old because he was a man who kept his word well, I didn’t like it very much but I understood it and it taught me to look generously at love in the big picture and not just at my own desires and desires.

But I was not released. Not in my head, not in my heart. I became suspicious of myself and felt it right away when he sold me half the truth. That he went away for the weekend and experienced that his mother would go with him, while he really went alone with his wife. He lied both ways, how surprising it really was, and little by little he saw the legs of the chair in my confidence.”

No more waiting and lying

“Two years ago, nine years later, I confessed to him in tears that I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait any longer and I could no longer lie about my environment. I was so upset that I wasn’t allowed to be there. The moment I tried to avoid all these years, Because I knew deep down what the next step would be.

“Then it is no longer possible,” he said, and we were done. Goodbye hug, “Who knows where we’ll meet again”, and that was it. Even taking a single step in my direction didn’t even occur to him. I haven’t heard or seen him since then.”

“A few months later, I found a new love, Jeroen, and only then did I realize how damaging the role of the mistress was. How suspicious I was of my new love, when he called just before our date and I immediately thought how I had spontaneously adapted to his desires and agenda and how I had missed sharing love with those around me. .

A year later, Jeron said he did not see a future with me. A slap in the face, because I thought it was going well. “You don’t really give yourself,” he said, “you adapt to me and then you throw it at my feet.” And it was. We didn’t play well and I was counting again.”

“I’ve been with Jeremy for three months. Nice guy, like a little married guy, but everything is open and honest. Until we bumped into each other in town, by chance. He was with his kids and he introduced me as a friend, and he didn’t kiss me.”

My sense, it’s still early, I thought my best friend, but I was acting like she was a bee. Not at that moment, but then I felt really bad. I can’t handle a secret anymore and I don’t lie to anyone. Not even if a friend asked not to tell them anything. I won’t say anything on my own, but you will get an honest answer to every question.”

Great confidence booster

“Jeremy at first didn’t understand my fierce reaction and asked me why I pulled so much from calling us. In the end I told him everything and luckily he understands me. He needs to grow,” he said.

Jeremy assured me he had time and apologized. When his kids come back from vacation, he tells them we’re in a relationship. As far as I’m concerned, this is not necessary, but I would like to. And the fact that he’s immediately ready to listen to me, look at the big picture and actually make a move, gives my confidence a huge boost. In myself and in us.”

Soraya is a fictitious name. Her real name is known to the editors.

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, fragile, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand on your lap. Did you eventually turn out to be the one who dreads commitment? Should you never have immigrated for love or has the blended family turned into an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can say anonymous. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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