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Having children, becoming a mother … This is not clear to everyone. Carla, Erie, and Ypie, for various reasons, remain childless and that’s absolutely true.

Ypie van der Lei (58):

Works in education. Marriage and having children, which many girls choose, are never assigned to her. I loved her freedom and that feeling always stayed.

“A mother’s love is love of the deepest level. Apart from God’s universal love the source of all life. I felt and received such deep love from my mother. and from my father. I did not have to have children to feel the power of this love. When many of my friends started having children, No one would have been surprised that I didn’t want to have children. Everyone would have only been surprised if I had such a desire. When I saw a child, I really thought: How cute, but that was. Carrying and having a child and then raising him…No, that wasn’t me. However, I love children.I became a teacher for a reason.

When I was a kid I already had an enormous desire for freedom and that never changed. You have made many commitments, but always in freedom and in friendships too. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a while, but we live a part of our lives. He does his things and I do mine. I used to go and still love to travel alone. I don’t see any point in going out to dinner alone, for example. I also take many trips in the city, I like to visit zoos, I like to ride bikes or read a good book at home. You don’t need other people for that. I just love to do things on my own, which hasn’t changed because of my relationship. I feel like I haven’t missed anything in my life. Around me, I saw friends who devotedly cared for their children. The children are grown up now, but the fears remain. And that’s while I always find it hard to get dressed and feed myself, haha. I am more interested in mental health than physical health. When I think of all that my mother did for us, I really take my hat off. All those meals, all the laundry, all the clothes I washed… just like my friends did for their kids. When I was sitting on the balcony with a beer, they would take their kids to soccer or ballet or something else. I have deep respect for them. I think I feel more emotionally free compared to many women mothers. A mother’s love is beautiful of course; You have worries, but also joy. But if you ask me what I would like if I could do it again, I would do the exact same thing. I never regretted my choice for a moment.”

Lilac tunic (Oska), green pants 7/8 (Lola Liza).

While my girlfriends were taking their kids to soccer or ballet, I sat with a beer on the balcony”

my life was like this, which no child can fit in.”

Carla Commons (69):

I have worked in NS and PRORAIL for 42 years. She has many good friends and dogs and loves to cook, travel and walk. After the loss of her first child, there is still a desire in the children but also that they will be independent.

“I was 31 and was three months pregnant when things went wrong. A good friend, who is also pregnant with her first child, went for an ultrasound. My baby turned out to be dead and after it didn’t go through the natural way, it was surgically removed. The baby was placed in Kind of a glass and this way I was able to say goodbye to him. Everything is so intense. Especially since I was alone, because my relationship was almost over at that point. My boyfriend joined Dean and changed his priorities. He came to the hospital once and that was it. Meanwhile, I went through hell on my own.After a period of mourning for losing my first child, I still wanted to have children for several years.But I was and still am an independent person and it’s hard to integrate that with a child.So I made the decision to move on with my life.In the past, I’m glad I wasn’t I have a child on my own. I also started to think completely differently about what it means to have children. You don’t have to be behind one hundred percent, but a thousand percent. Especially if you’re doing it on your own. In that sense, I didn’t regret it.

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So far my life has been in a way that no kid can fit in either. I was doing my job in NS, which is a nice circle of friends and I always love to travel. Since I wasn’t in charge of a child, I was also able to feed my passion for wanderlust on a grand scale. In 2012, after my early retirement, I went to the Dominican Republic. It has now become my second home. I even bought a plot of land there. I spent most of that year with a French friend who takes care of her dogs. That was delicious. Two daughters of a Dominican couple became my children. They call me their second mother. The eldest now lives and studies in New York and I am financially supportive of her. They kept saying this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been there. This is how my life came to fruition. There are also three dogs in the Netherlands that I take care of regularly and absolutely love. I do not have this with children. I really like children, especially children, and get along well with them, but in the end it’s good that this is what happened in my life. You’ve come to believe that things are coming your way and this has to be it.”

Purple dress (We), white with green jacket (Zara), sandals (Vagabond Shoemakers).

Erie Simmons (66)

He is retired and helps regularly in the kitchen of a charity. She is an unwanted child and in her second marriage, she was a “mother” to her partner’s daughter. She wanted to be a mother.

“I believe you can be a mother even without a child. At least, that’s how I feel for me. I also feel like a primitive mother. I love children and feel at home with them. Birthdays for children have always attracted me more than adults. It’s not that you are a biological mother.” You are immediately an emotional mother. Not everyone is emotionally involved. I don’t want to detract from motherhood with that, but it only starts after birth. How do you deal with your child, can you be by his or her side and what does motherhood require of you? I see motherhood as a mirror and the question is: Do you Dare you look at her? She takes full responsibility and that’s why I have a lot of admiration for mothers who have given birth to more children in a row. It seems to me that it is emotionally difficult. I am talking in theory, because unfortunately I do not have children. Unfortunately, it was the only pregnancy I had Its short-lived.My partner and I at the time had been trying to have children for a while.At one point I was late.The doctor told me I was pregnant, but that didn’t go well.It turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy.I had emergency surgery and then my husband said he didn’t really want children. And that’s while we both wanted to have kids! The Indian Viti also plays a role in this story. I definitely experienced a certain pressure to live the way my parents did. I’ve always been against it as much as possible. In the end, my marriage didn’t last and my dad thought I should have done better. painful. Painful was also the GP’s candid reaction when I discussed, after the divorce, my still-existing desire to have children with him. He advised me not to raise my child alone. Because of his reaction, I also felt as if I was just going to do it for myself. You want to give the child what you missed and preferably more. But if you’re alone and you have to work forty hours a week, it won’t work. So I will not be a mother. At that time, in the late ’80s, my sister had given birth to a daughter, and during her pregnancy she said that her child would be my child too. Her daughter and later son were a real gift to me. They were recovering from the acclimatization process. Later, she entered into a relationship with a divorced man with an 11-year-old daughter. I clicked with it right away. I saw her walking out the school door, we looked at each other and she jumped into my heart. We clicked within half an hour. After a moment I asked if I liked children. I told her I love children and told her she was my present. She is my bonus daughter. She’s now 29 and we’re still close.

I regret that children no longer play a role in my daily life. I have a dream to do something for them. Often in the morning when I go grocery shopping, I see kids eating potato chips from bags of chips, who probably didn’t get a good breakfast at home. I would really like to make a good breakfast for these kids, but I’m still thinking about how to organize it. With the life I lead now, I consider myself wealthy. I’m still here and always thought: Either way, left or right, everything will be fine. ”

Lilac Gray Dress (WalG), Pump (Marks and Spencer).

My extra daughter walked out the school door, we looked at each other and You jumped straight into my heart.”

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