Malika: We are slow and miss again

“Ben had to get used to the idea. Makes sense. We are each other’s first serious love. Before we met, it was through this dating site that I sometimes shoot With men, it usually remains somewhat superficial and often lasts no more than a few months. It was different with Ben.

We already knew how we were in the game, and so our connection was serious from the start. Two months later, Ben told me he’d like to continue together, and asked if I wanted to, too. It made me laugh a little, but it was also cute. Ben was really the man I wanted to be with. Or, by the way, because I still love him. His humor, his wit, the way he often sees my condition before I even know it myself. I love everything.”

“However, I moved to The Hague two years ago and began to live on my own consciously. Ben bought another apartment in Rotterdam. I needed a space for myself for a long time. So I first tried to find peace in the garden hut, but that was not enough. I still feel responsible. Telling Ben what time I’m going to come or go to bed and it wasn’t because of Ben no, he was really inside of me.

Then I went to England on my own for two weeks. I enjoyed this a lot read whatever I like, don’t tidy up or sleep too long, play pictures all evening or play Netflix for five hours. In that little house in Brighton I came to myself so often that when I got home I suggested buying a little house. Ben called me to order, and while I thought that was overkill at first, it turned out to be okay in the end. Because he kept asking. Why did you want second place so badly? Was there something wrong with our relationship or was something else going on? “

Longing for a place of your own

“Yes, we were arguing more and more. Not even about the big things, but the little irritations we wanted to be right about. All the space he was taking bothered me, from the crackling when he’s eating a biscuit to my mattress foot. Not fair, no. He helped talk About her, but the longing for a place of his own remained. So did the quarrels. “

“Maybe we should go to bed again?” Ben suggested, and I didn’t miss the relief I felt either. “He makes it clear to you,” he laughed, and so it was. As ironic as it may sound, we did it together. I felt like I wanted to get out of town and bought an apartment near the coast.

Ben was also eager to start over, so we sold our house to get into the next phase of our relationship. We went to see each other, make mood boards and furniture stores. We didn’t even make agreements and rules, we just succeeded.”

practical situations

“We’ve been living separately for about four years now. At first, it took a little getting used to, for both of us. But also cute. The desire grew again. We’re looking for each other again because we both need it, not because we were home. That same evening, we sometimes call another hour and then tell things really other than the groceries that still need to be worked, or that package to pick up.

Our communication revolves around us again, sincere interest prevails over practical situations. I can really enjoy playing a movie at five with a pad on my knee and at the same time feel like I’m missing Ben a bit. It feels good to be back for so long again.”

The arrival of the aura required some modification. In the first lockdown, we consciously chose to be each other’s quarantine companion and lived together in his apartment for two months. It went well and it was nice, but as soon as I could, I left for my own place in The Hague. I thrive better in my own place, and Ben likes slides better than living together.

I am happy, and also proud, that we have such a strong bond and that we can talk so well together. Because of the openness and trust between us, there is still one between us. You and the three of us are just as important in our relationship and I’m convinced that’s why we’re still together.”

Malika is a fictitious name. Her real name is known to the editors.

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, fragile, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with a hand on your lap. Did you eventually turn out to be the one who dreads commitment? Should you never have immigrated for love or has the blended family turned into an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can say anonymous. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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