#262 “Are you absolutely sure?”

Maud and Jiu hastily returned to the Netherlands from their holiday address in Bulgaria. Maud is pregnant and is very suspicious of whether she wants to keep the baby. She thinks that she is still too young for children and doesn’t really want to become a mother now, that her relationship with Jio is too short. On the other hand, Jiu seems to love the news and is very disappointed when Maud says she has doubts. When Maud fell asleep and woke up, she made her decision…

I turned off the stethoscope after a phone conversation with my doctor. She was very understanding, explained my statutory five-day cool-down period and made an appointment with the abortion clinic. As soon as I hang up, I feel myself calm. Jio enters the room. “Good morning dear, who were you on the phone with?” He asks as he puts his arm around me. I feel his hand moving toward my stomach and I immediately freak out again. “Doctor. I made an appointment at the abortion clinic,” I say calmly. I feel his hand is stiff. Slowly pull it back.

When I turn and look at him, I see tears running down his cheeks. I feel like my heart is shrinking. I feel nauseous. I want to get up to cuddle him, but Jiu gently pushes me away and turns his face away from me. “Leave me alone Maud,” he murmured and walked over to the coat rack, taking his coat and papers. As soon as the door closed, she burst into tears. Why am I in this mess again?! I scream out loud in frustration. Not that it helps in the least, but it feels good.

X

I decided to call Rochella. If anyone knows what kind of situation I’m in, it’s her. As soon as she picked up, she started crying out loud. “I’m coming for you,” she said without thinking. Fifteen minutes later she stands in front of me. I’m crying so hard and can’t say a word, so I show her the positive pregnancy test. Then she too began to cry. She hugs me and makes me scream like a little kid. “It’ll be fine Maud, it’ll be fine…” he whispered softly.

After a few minutes, when she calmed down a bit, I told her about my plan to remove it and Geo’s reaction. “Well, somehow I get it,” says Rochelle, as she brings up a cup of tea and settles down on the sofa. “But if you’re sure about Maud… that’s your decision! If you don’t want it, it won’t happen. But are you really sure? What are the pros and cons? Did I list them correctly?”

I realize that I mostly acted on my gut feelings. I didn’t write a list, except for Gio, I didn’t discuss it with anyone and didn’t really think about what it would be like if I had a baby at 9 months. Now I basically feel like I don’t really want to, but aren’t those cold feet? I look at Rochelle in despair. Once again I burst into tears. “No, I’m not quite right. Pff… Now I’m going to suspect Roche…”

X

Rochelle gets up, goes to the locker, and picks up a notebook. “Very childish. I want you to put all the pros and cons on paper now. You are a writer and things are much clearer when you are on paper. And be honest with yourself. What aspects of your life would you like to have a child at this point in your life and what would you not like at all? I wrote the list of cons like this; I’ve been thinking about it constantly for the past few nights and it was the reason I was so firm about my decision this morning. However, as soon as I started the pro list, I noticed I became emotional again.

1. I write “I’m still young, cute mom.” The tears are flowing from my eyes so hard that they fall on the paper and make big stains. But I write constantly. When I get to point seven, I hear the key in the lock. Enter Geo. But what terrifies me is that he is not alone…

Maud (23 years old) loves to party and travel. I recently started working as an editor for a magazine. Her relationship with boyfriend Tommy has ended and she has a new boyfriend: Geo. Maud is looking for a new home in Amsterdam, but it appears he has now found a home in Amstelveen. She reads her adventures every week A new episode of the book Night Mode.

#261 “My Decision Made”

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#262 “Are you absolutely sure?”

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