Amber had a miscarriage 2 years ago


Photo: Hannah Rosalie Photography

Two years ago, Amber, 32, had a miscarriage. That was sad enough, but to her surprise it turned out that she was far from the only one in her friend group. Why didn’t her friends with whom she shares so much tell her this? Amber: “It got me thinking: Why do we share so few miscarriages? Couldn’t there be sadness too?”

Amber was thrilled to learn that she was pregnant. She and her boyfriend had been trying to get pregnant for three years. Only when they decided to start a fertility program did it turn out that she was pregnant. “Eleven weeks later we had our first ultrasound. Because of Corona, my friend was not allowed in. He waited outside and could see the screen on video calls. Soon the midwife said she had bad news. The heart was not beating. That was a very stressful moment. “.

Asks

The period after the miscarriage was very intense for Amber. “When I got home, everything went through me in a blur. I was very sad. A week later the miscarriage started naturally. I never felt empty mentally and physically.” Amber realized that she had never heard of anyone close to her having had a miscarriage. I wondered if she was the only one who experienced this. She noticed that she had a lot of questions that she didn’t find answers to quickly. “I have very dear friends, they all came. That was very nice. But I also had to think about women who are going through the same thing, but who don’t have such friends to fall back on. How do they handle this? Are there certain projects or people? They help you with that? It has kept me very busy.”

to talk

“What really helped me through the grieving process was talking to friends. Some of them said they experienced this themselves. When I heard it, I was very surprised. I don’t know. I wondered why they didn’t feel they could get away with it. By listening and speaking I started the whole process. I spoke to a lot of women, both in my own company, where I help female entrepreneurs, but also on my Instagram. I wrote my story there, which received a lot of feedback and direct messages. For half a year I was listening and just talking. How was that for them Where could they go? What were they still missing? It fascinated me greatly.”

memory

Amber wanted a souvenir for her baby. In the middle of the night, during one crying fit, she designed a necklace for herself. Hold on to two tears. “Tears of sadness and tears of joy. Because when I saw the positive pregnancy test, I felt ecstasy. In the middle of the necklace is a seed that doesn’t forget me. I now have a healthy ten-month-old daughter, but it won’t replace my first child. My way of handling anything, Including my feelings, is creativity. It has helped me stand still, rather than moving forward as I normally do.” Amber’s intention was not to start a business with her creations. But because she noticed that a lot of women went through the same thing and also needed a memento for their baby, she decided to do something with it. “Then Memorē started. With this I want to put a heart to the parents who have lost a child. All the products in the set can help parents deal with grief. These include memorial necklace, oil for your body, candles and tea.”

Read also

A miscarriage at six or twenty weeks? It’s just bad”

Shame

“With Memorē I want to make the silent grief audible. Women often wait until the twelfth week to announce their pregnancy. The reason for this is that the risk of miscarriage is greater in the first twelve weeks. But suppose you miscarried at the eighth week and no one knows you are pregnant. Then the chance is small that you will continue to share it, because the threshold is very high. I want to make it clear to people that they should not wait until they are sure that the chance of success is high. There are also women who lose their babies at 22 weeks or during childbirth. There is always the possibility that things can go wrong. It’s important to have people around you who can support you, but also point out what you need from them.” Amber also wants to tell women that losing a child is never their fault. I spoke to women who were ashamed of their abortions because they thought it was because of their busy lives. They were very tense. “Why do we blame ourselves when we lose a child? Society is already very hard on women, especially in terms of motherhood and everything that comes with it. That is why I want to return that piece of love with Memor.”

There may be sadness

“If you’re having a miscarriage, my advice is to talk about it. Look in your environment to see who you trust and with whom you feel safe. Do you not have anyone in your area that you can share this with? Then look online at Facebook groups and discussion groups, there are a lot of them.” And dwell in your grief. There can always be grief. You must not go away. For no matter how long or how recently, you will never forget the baby you lost during or soon after pregnancy and you will always carry it with you.”

Photographer: Marilyn Bartman

Curious about Memory products? Take a look at the site.

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