Amy has ignored herself for years because of her relationship

When Emy Jansen (27) gets into a relationship at the age of 17, she does everything in her power to be the perfect girlfriend. She goes to his church and wears only the clothes he likes. When the relationship ends, she confronts herself. “I found out I was always getting along with my dating, and I asked myself, Who am I?”

“Being 15 years old I was afraid I would end up alone. Soon no one would fall in love with me. As a teenager I would worry about it a lot. My picture of a relationship was quite romantic. I thought you would praise each other and love you forever. It goes through fire to each other.

Two years later I met a boy at school who absolutely loved me. I didn’t really know what I thought of it. We talked to each other through a chat program and went to do something fun a few times. It was real Gentlemen And having a smooth conversation, it was hard. And suddenly he was all the way. It was my first serious relationship and I found it very exciting.”

perfect girlfriend

“I decided to spend the rest of my life with him, though I wasn’t sure at all. However, I totally threw myself into the relationship. When you’re so young you don’t know who you are and where you want to go. The older we get, the more We parted. We both started to think differently about relationships and the future. I didn’t want that at all, because we’d always be together. That’s what I had decided. That’s why I changed to the perfect girlfriend.

If he wanted to see his friends on a Saturday night, I’d go with him. Even when I would have preferred to spend an evening at home on the sofa with him, because I had not seen him all week. We went to his church, often visited his family, and I only wore the clothes I liked. I was afraid that otherwise he would get a negative image of me and leave me. It was the worst thing that could happen to me.”

break up

“At one point I completely disregarded myself for an earthly relationship, when the relationship with my Heavenly Father is most important. I place Him on a high pedestal, sometimes even higher than God. I grew up as a believer and made a conscious decision to follow Jesus. My friend and Jesus were so close that I thought, Who Follow?

I think after seven years he found out that our relationship wasn’t quite what he was looking for, because like a bolt of the blue he broke off the relationship. I wasn’t expecting that at all. The first months after the breakup were horrific. I cried over the smallest things and felt hopeless. I kept sending him texts and emails asking him to get back together. I felt really bad to be rejected.

At this low point, I experienced God closer than ever. There is nothing left for me in my life but God. The night after the breakup was a night full of turmoil, sadness and resentment. I cried to God and felt He could hear me. That morning I read Joshua 1:5 which says “I will not leave you nor forsake you.” I was comforted by this promise from the Bible. “

God’s love

“After a few months, the intense feeling of abandonment wore off. After dating a few times after that, I found that I was always adjusting to my date. I confronted myself. This made me realize what I had been doing in my relationship all these years. I am still grateful that my ex-boyfriend had the guts To end the relationship, because I wouldn’t have done it myself.

However, I fell into a hole. If I always pretended to be different, who am I? I had to rediscover that God loves me and that I am just as good as I am. It was hard to admit that. He made me for a reason and wants the best for me. The fact that God is above all and will always love me is still very comforting. Life is not about social happiness as you have to be married and have children. God loves me and I love him, that is the most important thing.”

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Single

“I’ve been single for over three years now. It’s hard sometimes being alone. Some weeks are better than others. Fortunately, I have a nice group of Christian friends with whom I read from the Bible and pray together. I can talk to them about this. That’s how I learned that loneliness manifests itself in many forms.I feel lonely when I come home alone, but another person may feel lonely in a relationship because they do not feel that the partner is seeing them.

Being in a group and talking about this helps you not feel lonely. It is a drug. When I think of the intimacy and the listening ear that I miss in my life at the end of the day, I think of them. God has allowed all the beautiful people to cross my path in recent years. I may have been in a relationship before, but I didn’t have many friendships. It has greatly enriched my life.”

Desire for a partner

“Besides the friendships single life has brought me, it’s nice to do whatever I want. I feel free like a bird. Someday I hope to have a relationship again, I’m definitely open to it. I can pray for it every night. If God nevertheless wanted me to be alone, I ask Him to give me the strength to do it, because I can’t do it myself. In the end it will be fine anyway. I think God wants to make my life interesting and He wants the best for me.

I hope that other women who have been alone for a long time, like me, will be able to experience that God loves them above all else. It’s not unusual to want a relationship and you can put those desires on with him. In the end, God is above her with his love.”

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