Father’s Day is a big wish for Luke and Luke, but as a gay couple, it’s still very hard to have a baby

Having children can be a challenge for anyone, including Luke and his partner. As a gay couple, they have been doing this for over 5 years. Adoption was no longer an option, so they looked for a surrogate mother. The finish line is not yet in sight.

For Locke, 28, it has always been clear: he really wants children. “This is also one of the reasons I find it so hard to get out,” he says. “Because you know that’s why having children is going to be so much more complicated.”

Long approval process

When he went to look for a partner, the desire to have children was an important point. Fortunately, partner Luke (28 years old) thinks the same. “We really did find each other in it,” Locke says. First, the couple began looking at adoption options.

“Then you have to go through a whole process,” says Locke. “You sign up and then you have to attend about six media meetings that are already planned spaced out.” “Someone from the Child Protection Board will also come to your house to check if your house is suitable to raise a child. I think we ultimately spent 1.5 years on that.”

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Abuse during adoption

But after such a long investment of time, the dream collapsed just before the finish line. The then Minister of Legal Protection sent a letter stating that there had been abuses in a number of countries with regard to adoption.

“While many of those mentioned are no longer being adopted,” Locke says.

“very scary”

“But the meaning was actually: the current system cannot under any circumstances prevent abuses from happening abroad. That is why the minister at the time decided to stop all adoptions immediately,” he continues.

A severe blow to the young couple. “That was a shock to us, because we totally stuck with it. We went to all the media sessions and then we also thought ‘This is what we really want.’ And suddenly it just isn’t possible.”

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Surrogacy in Canada

In the end, they ended up with surrogacy. “We have now registered with a clinic in Canada to do surrogacy there. We will also be looking for an egg donor who will also come from Canada, and the embryos will be made with this egg donor. The surrogate will carry it for her. We.”

The fact that they chose to go into this in Canada has something to do with the legislation in the Netherlands, which according to Luc is considered “flawed”. “It’s possible in the Netherlands, but you just have to be able to find someone who is open to becoming a surrogate mother without making a call. Because that’s punishing.”

Surrogates do not have legal status

According to the national government, this is to discourage surrogacy for commercial purposes. “But the system in Canada is also voluntary, not commercial. At the same time, from a legal point of view, it is much better,” says Locke.

Likewise, the procedures after the birth of the child are much shorter. “There are standard procedures there, so that everything is arranged orderly and safely in a few weeks. While surrogacy does not have a legal status in the Netherlands.”

informations

Legislation in the Netherlands

There are several options for becoming a father as a single man or a gay husband. Following Secretary Decker’s decision, adoption is not currently possible. Other options include surrogacy, co-parenting (multiple parenting), or foster care. There is still no legislation for surrogacy and shared paternity (multiple paternity). As a result, children who grow up in these families have less protection than children who grow up in traditional family forms. Not all of the actual parents are legal, or only after a long period of legal process.

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hundreds of people

Only when they began the adoption process did Luke and Luke realize how many other couples they had shared their situation. “At the first media meeting, I thought we would sit in a circle with three or four couples. But then we came and I saw over a hundred people with the same question.”

When they told the people around them that they had become parents, the response was positive. “But The reaction you get the most is “very unfair, and you’d have to go through a lot of trouble to have a baby,” he says.

The need to change the culture

So existing legislation must be updated to grant legal recognition to non-traditional family cases, Locke says. “Cultural change is necessary, but it’s still being pulled a little bit by people who stick their necks out and just do that.”

He hopes that more awareness will bring about change. “It is important that we all get used to the fact that it is very normal for indirect or single spouses to have children.”

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