Mickey (54) is divorced. She is the mother of Lisa (29) and Luke (26) and great-grandmother of Mitch (2). Mickey has been in a relationship with Mexican Pablo (27) for three years. “You see people frown when I tell them that Pablo is Mitch’s grandfather and that he belongs to me.”
“Spending a day at the theme park with my whole family plus supporters and my friend always produces a stare or a surprised look. My friend Pablo is 2 years younger than my daughter and 1 year older than my son. So we are a whole generation separated. When we spend a day with the whole family at Efteling or the zoo, Everyone automatically thinks that my Surinamese daughter-in-law and Pablo are in a relationship and that my grandson is their child. You see people look crazy when I kiss Pablo on the mouth. I always feel a little ashamed when I have to explain how our family works. Especially because you see people really upset when I tell them that Pablo is a wife’s grandfather. Mitch and it belongs to me.
I feel the same shame during introductions to work or when we meet at parties and birthdays of acquaintances. Then I feel their disapproval. I see them thinking: What should that woman do with this young man? He will be with her for her money or to obtain a residence permit. Both are incorrect, but explain that once people have already made up their mind. A man with a younger woman is often tolerable, but, conversely, the outside world has more difficulty with the age difference in the relationship. They call me a cougar, they think it’s weird or worse: filthy.”
“Right before Corona I met my friend Pablo. It happened while on vacation in Germany. I had a spa treatment with my childhood friend An in a wellness hotel, and Pablo ran a Mexican restaurant in the next town. We ended up in his restaurant by chance and had a conversation with the owner. It was This is the very handsome Pablo. He flirted with me brightly and complimented my appearance. I melted from his smile.
At the end of the evening he joined us at our table for a drink and conversation. In fact, an enormous spark erupted between us instantly. I did not understand my feelings. At the time I had been single for over a dozen years and had yelled to everyone that I would “never deal with a guy again”. Very peaceful, lonely. But Pablo unleashed something inside of me. I can not explain exactly what. He paid great attention to me. It gave me the creeps and I felt like seeing it. In the following days, we ate tacos and tortillas at his restaurant and he joined us again. We chatted for hours in a mixture of German, English and Dutch, but that didn’t matter, because we understood each other so well.
My friend Ann was happy for me. She saw how much I enjoyed his attention and encouraged me to “go crazy for once”. After all, no one knows me here. Last night I left Anne in the hotel room and spent the night with Pablo. I only knew sex from my marriage and once with a friend at school. But this was nothing compared to the moody Pablo. It was sentimental and romantic. I didn’t know what happened to me. “Perfectly in love,” cried Pablo. I hardly dare to believe it. He was so handsome! “
Do not hold
“I was shocked when he told me he was only 23. I could see that he was younger. But I made him at least thirty. At least I didn’t feel like I slept with my son. He was very serious about it, very mature in his demeanor. Pablo has gone through too A lot.He came to Germany with his parents from Mexico when he was a teenager, but lost his parents when he was 19 in a car accident.Since then he has been alone.
My age was not a problem for him at all. I am slim and athletic, have long hair and dress my youth. Not like my daughter, but not like a middle-aged woman either. But of course I am. I have enough wrinkles on my face to prove it. He said Pablo thought she was beautiful. He didn’t care because I was twice my age. He liked my look. I saw it at first as a fling. Good for myself. Maybe nice for an occasional vacation. But once back home there was nothing stopping him. We texted and called all day. We visited each other on holidays and on weekends. The journey from Amsterdam took less than three hours by car and four hours when I traveled there by public transport. Long journeys, but totally worth it when I looked into his beautiful dark eyes again.”
“We were madly in love and happy, but that doesn’t mean everything went smoothly. I immediately felt that the age difference would cause problems, especially for my family and friends. No one knew about my love on my Mexican vacation except for Anne, the friend who was with me at Vacation We met secretly in the first few weeks I didn’t want my kids to confront him yet My daughter is very protective of me I was afraid you’d think Pablo was trying to take advantage of me or not to be serious My son was easier, but I didn’t want to keep secrets from his sister
So he joked that I was out with Ann or staying with her when I was actually with Pablo. I hid in the house with Pablo. Then I made excuses to prevent my children, who live near the corner, from coming to visit. One time I literally hid Pablo in my bedroom when my daughter unexpectedly came over for coffee. The whole time, Pablo was lying in the dark in my bed, waiting for her to leave.”
“After three months, it’s not sustainable anymore. I was walking around all day wearing red and cheerful from ear to ear. My daughter Lisa had already asked several times if I was sick. I acted weird. And not mentioning his name became even more difficult for me.” I kept wanting to talk about Pablo, I was full of him. But most importantly, I wanted to be honest. Love should be a beautiful thing, nothing to lie about. I hoped my children would see it too.
As I expected, Lisa was skeptical at first. At her first meeting with Baku, she asked him a hundred questions: what did her mother want him to do? Was he really in love or was he after my money? Was he looking for a character or a mother? Does he still want children? Fortunately, Pablo responded in a great way. He answered all questions accurately and made it clear that he is really crazy about me and wants to build a future with me. That he didn’t find women his age interesting and that he didn’t necessarily want children, but he really loved having them.
Gradually it began to melt. I could see from her that she, too, liked Pablo very much. Especially for me. After their father’s divorce, I never had anyone back. My ex has since been married and Lisa has also allowed me to have a nice relationship. She later said, if it was with a man who could have been her brother, so be it. Most importantly, he was kind to me. As my stepfather’s young son accepted. Pablo was found in love with motorsports in Formula 1. Pablo is a fan of Sergio Perez and Luke Max Verstappen. By chance, two drivers are on the same racing team. They can chat for hours about it.”
“Pablo and I would have been traveling back and forth for months if Corona had not intervened. During the first lockdown, his restaurant was closed, and since he had no family in Germany, he came to Holland. While we were locked in a lockdown bubble together, our love grew. After a few months, he decided Pablo sold his tent and moved in permanently with me He can settle down here just fine He found a temporary job as a chef in a restaurant and dreamed of starting his own business here first He wanted to learn good Dutch Now he is also working on a language course
We’ve been together for over a year now and things are going well. The longer our relationship, the less noticeable the age difference. We often forget it ourselves and are surprised when others comment on it. Or look annoyed when we get in somewhere together. Pablo recently had to go to Town Hall. I went to translate, but it is annoying to explain first that I am his girlfriend and not a volunteer. I am also very nervous next summer. Then we go together to his native village in Mexico where some aunts and cousins still live. Pablo says his family is only happy because he is happy, but I can imagine they were shocked to see me by his side.”
Aging in Mexico
“How do I envision our future? Of course I hope we’ll grow old together, preferably somewhere by the sea in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. But when I’m in my 80s, it’ll be the same age as now. Are we still together then? Still Fit now. I bike, walk, and fitness, but I’m in the middle of the transition. Who knows, I’ll need help in a few years and won’t be able to travel at all, let alone immigrate. And what does he know about eternal fidelity? It’s too young. Yet Everything, I once thought I would marry forever the father of my children.Sometimes life is different.
I love nothing more than to be together happily ever after, but I am also realistic. This opportunity is not that great. Now he says he doesn’t want to have children, but what if he has a strong desire to have a child of his own? I don’t think I should remember it then. I am also very happy to have children. Pablo continues to reject all of these arguments. As crazy as it may sound to someone who is not yet 30, he really enjoys being a grandfather and seeing as my grandson is his granddaughter too. He’s got enough of us and wants to live with me in that cabin on the beach. “If necessary, I will push you in a wheelchair,” he always says with a smile when we talk about our future.
For now, I won’t worry about tomorrow. We are well together now. The sex is great and every morning he wakes me up with a big smile and “te quiero” (I love you, editor). What does a man want more?! “
Text: Joanne McKenbach. All names have been changed for privacy reasons and the real names are known to the editors.
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