There is nothing more important in a good relationship than having a good conversation now and then. Because, relationship therapist and sexologist Vanessa Moeldermans explains, “Communication is important for sharing information on the one hand and for maintaining an emotional connection on the other.” It doesn’t have to be a good conversation: “Talking about your day or saying what you want to eat is also a connection. So it doesn’t always have to be meaningful. However, deeper conversations are essential in a relationship, because that’s how connection and sharing is created.”
But having a conversation that really pays off and is constructive, especially if you two are dealing with each other’s hair a little more than usual, how do you go about that? Muyldermans gives ten tips for communicating constructively with each other. let Love Rule!
Ten tips for a good conversation:
1. Be realistic
“Communication is not always easy. There are certain topics that we find difficult or sensitive. They differ from person to person. Remember that it is okay if it is difficult or emotional sometimes. Crying or crying during a conversation that gets angry does not necessarily mean that there is poor communication. This communication Easy will always be a utopia. Making it nicer and easier for both parties is already a big step.”
2. Arguing is allowed (and you can also go to sleep with a discussion)
“When couples argue, it means that they care about their relationship and want to fight for it. It certainly isn’t a bad thing to argue, although it doesn’t help that it happens every day. But that’s part of it and it’s not realistic to think that a relationship is always a dream. Often It is said that you should not sleep if the argument or discussion has not ended. I do not agree with that. It is important that the person who feels that he can no longer and wants to sleep also indicates that you very much want to continue the conversation at another time, but now you are very tired So that you can’t discuss it attentively. The topic is important and you agree with it when you want to discuss it further.”
3. Find your own way of speaking
“There’s a certain way of communicating that works for everyone? It doesn’t exist. When people ask me what a bad connection is, I always say, ‘If neither side nor one of them feel good about it for a longer period of time.” Or if something is really missing or a party is blocking it. So find a method of communication that works for you. It doesn’t have to be the same way your friends or neighbors communicate. Who are we to say you should sit around the table and chat? Allowed to hit the table.
4. Call scheduling
“Do you need to discuss difficult topics? Then I recommend scheduling a meeting. Choose twice a week that works for both of you. Don’t schedule difficult conversations after a busy work day or when you have to visit family afterwards. Review your weekly statements Schedule an appointment together, put the meeting in Set your agenda and stick to it. Don’t cancel out for nothing. Your relationship and communication deserve a moment of undivided attention. That way, you both are prepared, intrinsic and emotional. I like to think ahead about what they want to say or emotionally hold them back if they don’t know what to expect. By identifying Appointment for conversation, you avoid these situations.”
5. Don’t make it too long
“Did you schedule a conversation? Set aside a half hour to 45 minutes for it. If necessary, set the timer on your mobile phone. This may sound crazy, but if you are very focused and speak respectfully about difficult and emotional matters, 45 minutes is long enough otherwise, it can That these conversations easily go on until 2 a.m. and then both parties are tired and you definitely don’t want to repeat it after a few days. By timing your conversation you also know exactly when it starts, but also when it’s done again. There’s an obvious pause and then you haven’t Longer a conversation about the subject in question. If not, you will soon be ‘hyperfocused’ and get tremendous tension in your relationship.”
6. Do something fun
“Now you communicate really well: talk for about 45 minutes about twice a week and for the rest you let go of the difficult topics. Is the conversation over? Then don’t ask the other person any more questions and definitely don’t make it loaded with comments. For the rest of your time together it’s best to focus on things Other. Do something fun together. Try to do something separate after the conversation. This way the atmosphere of the conversation does not stretch. For example, one person takes a relaxing bath while the other is walking, which once again confirms that the conversation is over and now it’s time to do other, more pleasant things. “.
7. Cool if you have to
“Conversation can and may sometimes lead to an argument, but if it explodes every time, you can work with a deadline. You can agree in advance how to do it. For example, agree on a specific word or gesture: some put a card on the refrigerator or flip a statue. Being little things that other people don’t understand, but it’s clear between the two of you. Do you feel like it’s getting harder or you’re going to explode? Then here’s your call. Then go to another room or go outside for a while. It can be for a few minutes, but also for a few hours Sometimes just calming down is enough to realize that the fight has already been resolved. Even if it’s just a minute to say it’s ok. There is still “something” to say about it. You can also arrange an online emoji that you send when There’s a lot. Then that also means: stop the conversation.”
8. Write a message
“When communicating online, you really only have words. We usually keep it as short as possible in our messages. Not ideal for an important conversation. Do you really have no other choice or prefer a face-to-face digital conversation then make sure you understand each other well. Ask questions Additional so that you can interpret everything correctly. In addition, I advise you to choose a letter or letter. This way you can sit down and take your time finding the right words. A partner can also read an email or message in a quieter way than a chat message, and think about It’s a while longer and maybe crafting a response. Also the reciprocal notebook is a very nice and romantic way to communicate with each other. You write something in it and then give it to your partner doing the same. Very binding.”
9. Find the golden mean
“Not everyone communicates the same way. Together, find a happy medium in which both parties feel comfortable. If there are difficult topics on the table, it is of course possible to discuss them. Then you have to find safe ways, moments and places where you can.
10. Talk to others too
“Give up the idea that your partner has to fulfill all your needs. This is not possible, not for your partner, but not for yourself either. So if you really like to chat, you can of course make the necessary relational connections with your partner, but it’s also okay to talk to other people. By meeting friends with whom you can talk well, your need is met and your partner won’t become burdened. You don’t have to do it all together and you don’t have to do both to do everything equally.”