God didn’t create the clitoris for fun

“The foolish thrusts follow each other in quick succession, destined to the vulgar orgasm. And when there is (…) I push him off me and I lose my balance. I fall and buttocks on the keys of a grand piano. One last dissonant chord. Thus ends the relationship of writer and comedian Michelle Schimsheimer (37) By “jazz pianist” in his autobiography for the first time Things are called love She describes in a comic and detailed way how, after such a great love, every relationship ends in great disappointment. We get to know the all-rounder philosopher, Alexander the Great, and a married millman and actor. There are endless flirting, silly, messages – often painful exchanges are reproduced – but every time there is finally loneliness with the necessary comfort food and cat Maxipoes. Guys are outright fools, it shows, and in these Tinder times you can’t expect much love.

small and large nina

Equally disappointing are the relationships described by playwright and writer Nina de la Parra (35) in her first appearance. Make the women come† In a cheerful and angry rhythm, described by two versions of the character of Nina (“little Nina” from 23 and “big Nina” from 33), she talks about failed relationships with, among other things, “de Zutvenar”, “Norwegian” ( with woolen panties) and “de lichtmann” (raging sex). The latter in particular resembles Schimschimer’s great love in terms of intensity. A wild romantic camping in the mountains of Scotland turns into a nightmare. “Physically, we’re both totally devastated every night. There’s nowhere to shower. And: Have you ever seen a rooster after you haven’t washed for five days? Not nice.” The love ends not long afterward during a walking holiday in the Ardennes, as a result of which little Nina has been hanging on the sofa carelessly masturbating for nine months with a plate of prepared food.” Here you are again, in those gym shorts, in what you know exactly. Something about a guy who is broken and inexplicably disappearing from your life. You know that exactly. The world has returned to its rightful place.

fillet knife

The whole thing seems terribly hopeless and helpless. But this is by no means the case. Both writers may show Bridget Jones’ stuttering demeanor, but they’re most evident in the way they put the steak knife into themselves and the guy. Little Nina is certainly not passive. She is studying in Edinburgh, trying to build a career as a filmmaker in Berlin and also studying. In short, she’s ambitious, independent and engaged, like Sex and the City, not only all the male misery with her ‘whores’ (the princess, the witch and the two elders) but also topics such as yeast infection, exposing the smell of pussy, menstrual misery, pictures of penises, cocks in pencil and above all: the clitoris. Because it is her place, what a man should do with her, but above all not It turned out to be a big problem. A point that Schimschimer also makes in her book. She notes that the clitoris is a “bad finishing mistake on the part of our Creator.” ‘As if God ought to be at a later date (…), you forgot to provide for the female sex a place of pleasure and last minuteWithout time to think carefully, he pointed to a spot, about five centimeters high.

In short, sex is unpleasant and men often do not realize during a “seed infusion session” that a woman is leaving her orgasm “so as not to break the great intimacy.” Only when Nina goes to Suriname does she experience what she herself calls the “Suriname Revolution”: Quincy and Gregory turn into true lovers and give her what’s really needed, an experience that turns her into a jubilant statement about the importance of unpacking. For women: all those tired, exhausted, exhausted girls should ejaculate. God created the clitoris for a reason. So, join me in chanting our motto: Make the women come. Heal the world.

Read also: The best jokes about sex and shame

perfect time document

level? indirectly? shamelessly? Yes, these books definitely are. But this also has a purpose. The swirling, gradual, highly relativistic wake-up style with which de la Parra writes is so consistently ironic that it works. In that regard, her failed self-help book/autobiographical novel/freedom manifesto—an imitation of her idols Caitlin Moran, Tina Fey and Amy Schumer—a perfect chronological document about the hopeless dichotomy in which independent women have been searching for discoveries of interconnectedness themselves. Like her idols, she wants to break the culture of shame that surrounds the female body and calls for female solidarity with her non-nonsense feminism.

In addition, it is not only about failed sexual adventures. De la Parra is at her strongest in the ‘Intervention’ chapter in which she reviews her childhood in Amsterdam and describes the relationship between her ‘unlimited parents’. Her father, a well-known Surinamese film director, cannot support the family provide It is often absent. When he is, he prefers to drink Irish coffee in his “office” – the Bulldog Café in Leidseplein – and gives his daughter a jar of peanut butter for dinner. She has a symbiotic relationship with her hardworking mother, who is a Dutch documentary filmmaker. While her mother feels guilt over her absence, young Nina manages to cope. “I stand with a grocery list in Albert Heijn around the corner and buy green beans and fish. I have a cookbook where I learn to cook. My mom works, I’m home with babysitters or my brother and sister.”†

As a child, she would feel her mother’s pain and to relieve it, she takes full responsibility. “I don’t know what this pain is. But I feel it. This, and her brother’s tragic suicide when she was fifteen, lay the foundation for a girl who never gets the chance to develop in peace, but from an early age is overwhelmingly focused on ‘doing it right’ ”.

In this respect, Schimschimer’s book is less robust. Stories about failed affairs are often interspersed with tales of everyday life. These short chapters are easy to read, but lack clear coherence. However, Schimschimer sometimes alludes to the failure of the bond. In the “Father’s Issues” chapter, for example, her father is shown as a reticent man who laughs instead when she burns her hand on a hot gall instead of helping her. The therapist says that her attraction to emotionally distant men has nothing to do with love, but something she did not resolve in her youth. This self-reflection is somewhat superficial, but Schimschimer sometimes manages to get you moving with one sentence. For example, she describes how, when you return the key to a pianist, you decide to enter his house again. “In his bedroom, I take off his clothes and lie in his bed, inhaling the scent of his sheets, and out of his house and his life forever.”

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