Trea ven Lent no longer sees her children after the divorce, despite a co-parenting plan signed by both parties and approved by the court. According to her, the child’s alienation from one of the parents deserves more attention because it is also harmful to the child.
Many have never heard the word alienated from a parent. And I have no idea what that means. However, there are more than 75,500 children in the Netherlands who are very unhappy because of a parent’s alienation and no longer have contact with one of their parents because of a parent’s alienation.
A child is naturally loyal to both parents. But because of the problems between the parents that arose after the divorce, the children are somewhat forced to choose. It does not mean that they want to choose between their parents, but they see that this is the only way to create peace and in this way they try to maintain themselves in the situation that has arisen. form of survival.
The controlling parent often shares parenting issues with the child. The child is often manipulated and indoctrinated by the controlling parent in such a way that the child feels that they must adopt the opinion of the controlling parent. In this sense, the child loses his identity and often declares that the opinion of the controlling parent is his.
Gain love through rejection
The child is completely emotionally dependent on the controlling parent and will do anything to be appreciated and loved by the controlling parent. The love that the controlling parent gives to the child is not self-evident, this love must be gained through negative reaction to the other parent and obedience.
Children who find themselves alienated from one parent often only speak poorly of the other parent, while in their eyes the controlling parent does nothing wrong. The child does this through a “survival mechanism”. The child will talk negatively about the other parent and say that there was never a good relationship and that he does not want any contact in the future.
The parent in control places the choice of contact with the other parent with the child and tells social services and the juvenile court that the child should be heard.
Children in charge of adult responsibilities
By granting the wants and needs of single children and allowing them to decide if they want to interact with the separated parent, these children are charged with the responsibilities of adults. Children can deviate in their behavior from this responsibility, because they cannot take on this responsibility. And also not supposed to go. The job of social workers is to restore the family hierarchy.
As the family hierarchy is disrupted by parental alienation, children are responsible for the happiness and well-being of the controlling parent. Who acts as a victim to the other parent. The child then becomes a partner in the controlling parent discussion. This refers to parenting.
Paternity means that a child takes care of a parent with the tasks associated with it for a long time. It’s about inappropriate long-term care. Inappropriate meaning that it is not appropriate for the age and is harmful to the development of the child.
Minimal contact with the other parent
The controlling parent ensures as little contact as possible between the child and the other parent, to prevent the other parent from refuting or nullifying lies. Also, the child is isolated from anyone who can say something positive about the other parent, or refute statements made by the controlling parent.
Due to parental alienation, the child denies part of his own identity. After all, the child is 50 percent part of the father and 50 percent of the mother. Thus a child involved in parental alienation denies 50% of himself.
This has consequences for the development of the child’s self-image. Consequences of developmental stages from child to adulthood. As a result, many children suffer from psychological complaints, low self-esteem, and suffer from performance anxiety. A child’s loyalty is indestructible, but with prohibition, love and devotion can become invisible.
Help these children.
Tria Van Lint is a resident of Vendam. She has been divorced for three years. Despite a joint parenting plan signed by both parties and approved by the court, she no longer sees her children.
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