Natasha will never see her daughter and grandson again

“I often keep to myself. Then I say it does not bother me, and that I will never see my daughter and granddaughter again. But I am not made of stone, of course I am very sad about this. I always used to ride a horse with my daughter. When she was pregnant, I bought a small pair of Asses for riding her baby.These pants are still unworn in my house, her grandson has long outgrown. I only had to hold her once.Sometimes I watch him on social media, he looks like two drops of water to me, and then I think: My daughter hates me, her son is my picture, How is that possible?”

Separation

“I never thought the relationship with my daughter Sonia would go so bad. I was 19 when I got pregnant with her. She was unplanned, but she definitely wanted to. My boyfriend and I lived together at the time and gave her a stable environment. She was born three years later. It was their father Military and spent a lot of time in the barracks, I took care of the boys a lot on my own. I threw myself into the role of mom and enjoyed playing with the kids or going to the petting zoo to go.”

“Unfortunately, the relationship with their father did not last. Sonya was nine years old and her brother was six when we broke up. Divorce is always painful, but I did my best to make it comfortable at home for the children. Sonya was busy with her horse and often there were friends. Everyone can stay for dinner, and then I bake a big pile of pancakes. A year later I got a new girlfriend, I got pregnant from her very quickly. She moved to live with the children with him, and when – a brother was born, and they immediately fell in love with him. I thought it was fun, such a nest complete.”

“The first cracks appeared when Sonya reached puberty. She did exactly what she wanted and didn’t stick to the simple rules, like calling if you didn’t come home. Slowly she lost control. The accusations. She’s now left by his stepfather, because he had a big drinking problem and he was violent.”

“Sonia was upset that I put her in this situation. She was right about that, and I also think it’s horrible that she had seen things a child shouldn’t go through. I’ve apologized for that a thousand times, also when she was older but she remained in a rage— So far, I guess she thinks I should have left him sooner, but where was I supposed to go with three kids? It’s claimed, there was room for only two kids. I couldn’t leave one of them, I couldn’t until I was able to get emergency housing where I saw an opportunity to leave. But it was clearly too late by then. I also refused to be in contact with my ex-boyfriend, but I did it for the son. In his interest I wanted normal relations with his father. Sonya thought this was nonsense ” .

distance

“There were more and more quarrels in the house, for example when Sonja was no longer allowed to go to her boyfriend so late at night. She was sixteen when the bomb went off. She hadn’t come home after going out, I was very worried. It turns out she was sleeping in a girlfriend, without my knowledge I was angry, I thought it was very disrespectful to walk away without saying anything.Now in ‘I found the choice to live with my ex very difficult, but I respected him.’ And I hope that the distance between us, and that our relationship will be good. Maybe getting close to each other is what we need to get closer together or together.”

“Unfortunately, things never worked out between us. After Sonya moved to live with her father, she did not want to contact me for a long time. Then there were periods when we saw each other, which was always followed by months of no contact. That is what I did. When we communicated, It was cute and she often stood on the doorstep. We walked the dogs together and had good conversations. But I always noticed that she would distance herself sooner or later and then came the accusations: I was spending too little time with her, or that I used her as a babysitter for her younger brother. Or I thought that I have a lot of frills in the house. Sometimes, when I knew that Sonya was coming, she would stop, and quickly put some things in a box because it bothered her. After that I often went with her whims.”

pregnant

“Five years ago, I ended up in the hospital due to my chronic intestinal disease. Then Sonya suddenly stood in front of me. I was so happy, and welcomed her with open arms. After that I went to look at her new home and after that we went to lunch. Then she said that her taste had suddenly changed and I joked that she might be pregnant. Three weeks later, it turned out that she was. From that moment on, Sonya turned around like a leaf on the tree. I asked excitedly if I was allowed to go for an ultrasound, to which she replied that everyone could come except me. It was a slap in the face.”

“I would have loved to experience this special period with her and bought a bed together, but I had heard nothing about her throughout her pregnancy. Sonya got married while she was pregnant. I wasn’t invited, and I didn’t even know she was going to get married. Not long after, my mother called me – who doesn’t Sonya is still in contact with her – to say that I became a grandmother, I already knew about it. Sonya thought. My grandson was born, but I knew that I could not be a real grandmother to him. I did not even get an announcement of the birth. “

“My grandson is now four years old. I saw him once when he was a child, at my mother’s house. She called me that Sonya and her son were with her, and that I had to come quickly if I wanted to see him.” R. Because you cannot miss what you do not know. I still go. It was so sweet to hold that little one, he looked like Sonya when she was a kid. It still touches me when I touch I think that moment. But Sonya said coldly that she did this to her grandmother, she did not need me to come. Those words broke my heart.”

“Since then there has been no communication. She does not see her brothers either. They do not understand their sister and her behavior, even the youngest is angry about it. I explained to him that everyone lives their childhood differently, and Sonya blames a lot of things. But of course this eats me I don’t understand how she can treat her mother like this Yes, I made mistakes and admit it But should I be punished like this There are bad things that happened but if you can’t give it a place or you don’t talk about it you will remain with anger inside you But after a week It was fine again. No hair on my head thinking about throwing it in the trash and cutting ties.”

happy memories

“Holidays are hard every year. At Christmas my table is never full. Mother’s Day is hard too. Then I didn’t hear anything about it, and I don’t count on anything anymore. I try to see Mother’s Day as a day like any other. Else, the pain will be less. The crafts and drawings that Sonya Lee used to make for Mother’s Day kept them all. Recently I looked at the old photos and then had to laugh terribly at the memories that came back. They really enjoyed together.”

“However, I don’t think it will ever be okay between me and my daughter. And I don’t think I’ll ever be a grandmother to my grandson. I try to put this in perspective: I know they’re alive and they’re doing well. She is. I also have friends whose children died in an accident, And that’s more intense. That’s how I try to make it bearable for myself. But sadness and loss are always there.”

“Whenever I hear a song by the Spice Girls, my daughter and I are happily dancing together. When I see a mother walking in arm with her daughter in town. But out of self-protection now I don’t want to call her anymore. It causes a lot of anxiety and I don’t want to be hurt again.” In difficult moments, I seek distraction. Then I go for a walk with my dog ​​or turn on the radio loudly. Fortunately I get a lot of support from my current boyfriend, kids, and friends. I still think life is beautiful.”

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