Interview with Olcay Gulsen – VARAgids

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Written by Annemart van Rij

You remember it well. As a child, entrepreneur and presenter Olcay Gülsen sometimes did not dare to go home for lunch. Then she walked from her school in Walwick to the parents’ house and stopped at the front door. Fearing what you will find inside.

Her schizophrenic and addicted father was extremely violent. Her mother, in particular, received the brunt and when she intervened the children–she has four sisters and a brother–they also took heavy blows. I regularly heard abroad that there was a constant quarrel. Then I went straight back to school. Without lunch and hungry. Because it was very severe. But this silent retreat also troubled me: Suppose my mother was murdered. This thought was always in the back of my mind. Like: So her death was my fault, because I ran away. At school, I hoped no one would notice this conflict. I was afraid of being ridiculed, I felt ashamed and I vomited at the same time.

In all the years that fear and aggression have plagued the Goulsen family, the neighbors have neither helped nor taught. People often find it difficult to become involved in domestic violence. They have the idea that this is a private situation, so don’t get bogged down in it. But violence is no one’s private situation. We should all collectively pay more attention to this. I sometimes jumped when I saw a woman getting beaten up in the nightlife. Because of my former position at home, I am not afraid of such confrontations and conflicts, and I remain calm. I understand that others don’t have it, but at least call 112. Even when you hear something from the neighbors.

Her violent environment made Olcay Gulsen take an interest in this topic. I made the series before Olcay and domestic violence And stalker† FOR KRO-NCRV NOW HAVE killer love in the hospital. In this series, she talks with victims and relatives of physical and psychological violence by their partners. Experts also have their say. We see 23-year-old Tessell tell us how her charming love has turned into a control freak who can’t keep his hands to himself. And for a long time, despite the violence and its independence in other areas, it could not separate itself from it. There is also an episode with Shanti Schiks, sister of fitness expert Fajah Lourens. Her ex-husband threw their 11-month-old son Elvin from the balcony, after which the boy died.

I wanted to make the series because at least one in five Dutch people has to deal with domestic violence. Also to show how hard it is for family and friends to see that such a situation can last much longer. They want to save someone, but they often stand helpless on the sidelines. Some relationships are very complex: fear and hate go hand in hand with love and passion. This is hard to understand. Some victims never get over it, others are survivors.

Did you manage to leave this time completely behind you?
Yes, I totally got rid of that. I noticed while making killer love At no time did I see any similarities with my childhood or take the situation upon myself. first series Olcay and domestic violence, which was about me too, helped me a lot with that. I spoke to a child psychologist for this, who came up with tips and handles. I also learned to understand emotions and situations. I experienced a massive fear of commitment, and I couldn’t really relate and didn’t dare enter into a relationship. Everything was fleeting in my life. When I learned to recognize this behavior and understood where it was coming from, I was able to do something about it.

Does this also apply to your brother and sisters?
One of my sisters is having a much harder time with that. Each person’s personality is different. Despite treatment, she still suffers from it. I found out that she had been in an aggressive relationship for a few years without my knowledge. She couldn’t explain to me why she didn’t leave that boy sooner. My brother once suffered a blow in the relationship. Probably because he saw his father doing it. It’s kind of a vicious circle that’s hard to break. You might think that people who are victims of domestic violence will distance themselves completely from it. Sometimes it doesn’t, they are subconsciously looking for something familiar, and this makes the discussion more difficult. Like Jimmy Weiss, who was abused by her then-partner Lil Klein. It’s terrible when your man slaps you. If you’re famous, it can be even more intense.

Because the public also makes judgments and makes very harsh statements. If: She would have stayed with him just for the money. Who is treated this way? W: It’s incomprehensible that you let such a little boy beat you. We all make the mistake of always stamping the victim. gold prospector† weak. personal error. I mean, she has a child with him and somehow she loves or loves this guy. Like most victims, she has grief, shame, and a feeling that she has failed. Then people say the worst things about her. Then you will be punished twice. This “special mistake” really affects everyone. Sometimes it’s hard for outsiders to understand this.

Read more in the VARA 18 guide on page 8.

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