‘The last two months of her life I got my sister back’

Christa van der Niet statue

Mara van Orchot Died (43) on May 12, 2021 by euthanasia due to hopeless psychological suffering. She was the daughter of Marijke van Oorschot (76, retired) and the only sister to Tanja (46, ASML Project Manager). Tania is in a relationship with Sabine (51 years old) and has two sons, ages 5 and 3.

Tanya: “My parents divorced when I was 6 and my sister was 4, it was a first-degree divorce. We didn’t see my dad much after that, but our mother counted twice. My sister Mara was a quiet, shy and very nice girl. We moved from Eindhoven to a village and she was This is a golden opportunity for her.She loved bugs and the countryside.She took care of horses since the age of 10,after which she owned her own horse and rode a major dressage.She participated in regional championships and even made it to the top 10.Mara pursued an apprenticeship for a veterinary assistant in Barnefield.Things went well. Wrong During her apprenticeship at the zoo in Antwerp, she fell into a severe depression.

Both Mara and my mother wanted to accept it, but they couldn’t. Even after Mara smashed a large chair in the psychiatrist’s waiting room, she still had to go home. My mother went to work the next day, but she did not trust him. I called my aunt’s husband to see if he could check on Mara. He found Mara after she attempted suicide. The situation is now serious enough to be admitted to Paz, the hospital’s psychiatric ward. That was the beginning of two years of foundation in the institution. They tried to stabilize her bipolar disorder with drugs. When that was somewhat successful, she had to try to get her life back. She has a friend who has a restaurant where she can clean. Mara was allowed to spend four hours in two toilets, but in the end she could not do it. At the age of 24, she was permanently rejected and from that moment got the advantage of Wajong.

all time low

The low point was reached when Mara turned 25. She hadn’t slept all week and had been chasing the house manly. My mother couldn’t stand it and said, “Sorry Mara, I’m going to sleep with my younger sister tonight.” The next morning, she was unable to enter her home. There were notes everywhere: I only open to the Queen. Mara suffered from paranoia and conspiracy theories during her frenzy. My mother and her sister called the police and were able to talk to themselves. I asked my mother if they could receive Mara, but they said, “No, madam, your daughter is not dangerous to herself or to society.” “So Mara, are you making your way now?” said my aunt in a sarcastic tone. Mara got so angry that she grabbed a vase of flowers to throw away. At that time, the police caught her and was able to accept her. She spent six weeks in an isolated cell at the psychiatric institution De Grote Beek. When my mother visited her there, Mara backed away from the pills.

Tania and Mara and mother Marijic.  private photo photo

Tania and Mara and mother Marijic.private photo photo

After she left the clinic, my mother said she couldn’t bring Mara home. With a declaration of urgency, Mara acquired a very small house with a kitchen and a bedroom. She was a hundred yards from my mom, so that was perfect. Mara bought two dogs, a labrador and a barn fox, and they rescued her. These dogs had to be walked and that’s what gave them structure. You can’t tell she was happy, but she was fairly stable and hung up. She lived a very stressful life with constant routines. For her, everyday life was a struggle and it cost her an incredible amount of crumbs. You called me the stronger of the two, but I always said, “That’s not me at all, that’s you!”

death wish

On May 2, 2018, Mara took all of her pills. Landed on the bass again. During all the conversations, I was always there, “I want to die so badly,” Mara said. The response was always: “Yes Mara, we know that, but we’ll first see how we can get you settled.” Or: “Yes, Mara, we get that, but we’ll try a different drug first.” Her wish to die was constantly ignored. A year later, we first sat in front of a team, a psychiatrist and a psychiatrist, to discuss Mara’s active death wish. We heard the psychiatrist repeat up to five times: “Mara, I don’t feel your unbearable suffering.” Mara has been taking pills for twenty years to stabilize her mood. What do you expect to cry? She did not, because tears rarely came. Only when she woke up from a suicide attempt and realized she had failed again. Those cries of despair always stay with me, those memories scratches in my soul.

Mara was appointed case manager in mid-2020 and that was a winner. She heard Mara’s wish to die and suggested bringing in the euthanasia center of expertise. The Experience Center lady knew exactly how to ask the right questions. She thought it was a straightforward story, that could tick all the boxes for euthanasia and thought Mara’s wish to die was legitimate. My mom and I had to say a resounding yes and we did. Of course we did not want to lose Mara, but this is a very selfish idea, which you should be able to let go.

Happy ending

On March 5, we got the go-ahead from a SCEN doctor and that was the beginning of our happy ending.

In the last two months of her life, my sister recovered. It was strange to watch. The Cancer person is getting worse, but Mara is getting stronger, happier and more social. The past period has been amazing compared to the burdens we’ve all endured all these years. We’ve had several recent meals with her: sushi, ribs, my mother’s fish, and my mother’s asparagus. All of Holland had corona kilos, and we had Maracellos. My Mother Twelve asked again, “Are you sure?” Mara was very confident. She has suffered more than enough.

I was there my mum, my niece Lisan and my friend Sabine. Mara sat on the sofa and we sat around her drinking a drink. We joked, because it was a dirty drink and I asked Mara about Fisherman’s friends. When she said she felt a light in her head, she was allowed to lie down. My mother was completely silent during the preparation, but now she held her hand and said, “Let it reach you.” “Yes,” Mara said, and went. It was very helpful to be able to direct her that far. I have found it to be as strong as the birth of my children. It couldn’t be nicer than this, I wish everything. After her death, the whiteboard in her kitchen caught my eye. Wednesday May 12th read: Freedom.

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