Small traumas from your childhood affect your child | family

mother’s missionThere are those expectations about motherhood that don’t quite come true once the time comes. Sometimes you are completely amazed at what is happening to you as a person, with your body or in your head. You read in this column every week what no one has told you about being a mother, but what you would have liked to know. This time: the old sore effect of your youth.

That very protective mother you had, the complicated relationship with your father, how you always took care of your unconsciously divorced parents: suddenly the old feelings appear when you become a mother. The memories and pain points from your childhood seem brighter than ever.

It happens a lot and is easy to explain, says Madeleon Lugert Plante. She directs as a recognized coach and writer mother goddess Mothers in the process of transformation. “Once you become a mother, you relive your memories because you see things reflected in your dealings with your children.”


To be able to connect deeply with your child, it is important that the relationship with your mother heals as much as possible

Madelon Lugert Planet


In her practice, Lugert Plante meets many mothers who struggle with their past and their new role as mothers. “On the one hand, we want to convey what we valued in our youth and upbringing, and on the other hand, we want to do it completely differently from our parents. But breaking old patterns requires a lot from you. These patterns are stored in your subconscious mind; experiences are stored from the first thousand days in your limbic system, which is one of the oldest parts of your brain. When you’re under stress, as when you become a mother, old patterns pop up with full onstage slogans,” she explains.


According to the coach, the relationship with your mother is the most determining factor in your motherhood status. In order to connect deeply with your child, it is important that the relationship with your mother heals as much as possible. You don’t have to literally be with her, but it comes down to your attitude towards her. What was your inner child missing? What does your child really need from that mother? Giving space and attention to that from your adult place helps heal that relationship.”

It is important to get to know yourself, as well as your child. Read 50 original and exciting fantasy questions here Nou’s parents

affected side

As a mother of two daughters, Lou Plante changed herself regularly, noting that it was time to reflect on her childhood feelings. “For example, if an older person throws a tantrum and I tend to scream, I am immediately vigilant. My violent reaction is not related to the present, but arises because something from my childhood happened: I was never allowed to be angry or rebellious. Per A kid has a fun and free side, but also a painful and traumatic side. And that doesn’t have to be a shock with a T at all. As long as you realize that those unprocessed feelings need attention,” she explains.


“Becoming a mother is probably the biggest transformation you’ll go through as a woman,” the expert said. , there is even a term for that; ripening; Just like adolescence, puberty, as a new mom goes through physical and hormonal changes, which make you feel different emotionally and come into the world differently. Add to this a lack of sleep and taking care of a dependent creature, and you will understand: it is not just a process, becoming a mother. Sometimes it seems like you just have to add motherhood, but you can definitely pay attention to that.”

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