How do you learn to deal with anger?


Matthew Pal

“The most important thing I’ve learned from my aggressive coach is learning to breathe properly,” Rotterdam-based comedian Patrick Lorig says on his show. Dutch Hope† Then instantly it gets cold in my head. Whatever you thought was a problem after five minutes of good breathing is no longer a problem.

Getting rid of aggressive behavior

anger controlOr regulating aggression, managing anger, or controlling impulses – they are all different ways of learning how to deal with anger. Psychologist Robert Haringsma says it’s normal to lose control occasionally, but it becomes problematic if this happens too often. Online aggression training was developed by Woede de Baas two years ago. Many participants are sent by their partners: if you do nothing about tantrums now, I will leave you. But problems at work can also be a reason to pursue a course.

According to aggression and conflict expert Caroline Kuetzenreuter, author of aggression paradise, it is estimated that 10 percent of the population engage in aggressive behavior such as physical violence, insults, insults, and intimidation. People who exhibit aggressive behavior are often individualistic or competitive in nature. This is partially determined genetically. But upbringing and environment have the biggest influence. Koetsenruijter believes that the majority of people can get rid of this behavior. ‘As you can see in the Back to Crime Monitor (WODC, the Ministry of Justice and Security’s Knowledge Institute, red.) that people who receive aggression training re-commit less crime.

diverting attention

“Anger is not something that happens to you. It is a learned way of dealing with tensions,” says Haringsma. “It is a myth that you release pent-up emotions with a fit of anger: just let go of the force.” This theory, which can be traced back to Freud and Aristotle, has been disproved in several studies, It can also be read in the book Anger: the misunderstood emotion By Carol Tavris (Updated 2017). Haringsma: Anger does not act as a valve. Every time you yell at someone or hit a punching bag when you’re feeling angry, you’re training yourself to respond in this way. You train your aggressive muscles, as it were.

According to Haringsma, you nurture anger when you pay attention to it. “For example, by focusing on your breathing, your attention is diverted from your anger.” In addition to relaxation exercises, communication skills are also an important part of the training. If you discuss what’s bothering you, don’t hold back. This is how you prevent an outbreak of anger.

Recognize the causes of anger

According to aggression specialist Mark Van Deren, director of training and consulting firm React, social skills are key to preventing aggression. We teach participants that they can choose how they react when they are angry. That’s why we do “abcd” mnemonic training: distract with humor, bend with understanding, face and intentionally ignore. As an example, he talks about a bakery employee who got angry at customers who didn’t wear a mask. “This stemmed from her fear of corona, but she didn’t make much of it, except that she almost lost her job. Better break the tension with a joke: Oh my God, you are already the fifth agent without a mask today.

Using the Van Dieren method, these types of poses are often practiced with actors. Van Dieren: “This way participants can learn to recognize what triggers their anger and the physical reactions associated with them. ‘For many people, this is breathing quickly, feeling warm or the neck muscles contracting,’” Van Dieren says. Then you can learn to respond This is like calming the breath by focusing on it or relaxing the muscles This is a way you learn to recognize the tension in your muscles and then release it This way you learn to return to a state of physical relaxation.

And what if you really turn black for your eyes? How about counting to ten? Haringsma: If you think you’re really going to lose control, get out of the situation. Create a low-stimulus environment and then implement your own relaxation exercises. Haringsma warns to escape the trigger of aggression every time. Then this becomes your way of learning to interact.

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