Fimke: “I just had a baby, why don’t I sit on a pink cloud?”

Vimki, 32, gave birth three months ago, but she hasn’t been feeling well since birth. Ashamed of it, shouldn’t this be the happiest period of her life? She loves her daughter very much, but is also overwhelmed with motherhood and sometimes sad. What can she do to feel better?

Mama coach Tilda Timers: “The most important thing is that you don’t keep it to yourself, but that you talk about it with your partner, your parents, or your best friend. With someone very close to you and who you think they are: I trust him, there I dare tell my story.”

Don’t walk around alone with these kinds of feelings. Lots of moms feel ashamed if they don’t sit on that pink cloud. Thinking: I have to solve this problem myself, because if I say this, people will judge me or see me as a bad mother. Some mothers even fear that their child will be stolen. But if you keep it to yourself, the problem will only get worse.”

With buttocks exposed

Timmers recommend, however difficult it is, to talk about it. And to be as honest as possible about how you’re feeling during that conversation: “Start the conversation with someone you feel comfortable with. Tell them honestly how you feel, and don’t beat around the bush. Like, ‘I don’t feel so good,'” the other person can’t understand you very well.”

It is important that the interviewer continues to ask questions, because it can be very difficult for the concerned mother to share these feelings. Temporaries: “Listening carefully without judgment and lots of empathy is important. This is the first step.”

The sooner the better

If you then think: this is not enough, I need more help with this, try to ring the bell ASAP. Temporaries: “Not only because waiting times in regular mental health care are long, but also because the sooner you tell us how you feel, the faster your problem can be resolved.

If you tell your story after six weeks, it will be really different than if you keep going with it for a year. You may also have issues with attachment, and relationship with your child. Not to mention the relationship with your partner who also suffers from the situation. The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes. This is the message.”

gray cloud

Why do so many women feel sad, depressed, or have postpartum depression in the postpartum period? Timmers: “One woman is more sensitive to it than the other. It’s about your DNA, among other things: If your mom had it, there’s a greater chance that you will, too.”

“In my practice, I also see mothers who are perfectionists, who set themselves a high ceiling, who like to maintain control, and who find it difficult to let go. These all play a role in developing feelings such as: Not being good enough as a mother.

Things that women struggled with before having a baby, like sadness, anxiety, and perfectionism, are magnified once the baby is born. Then you get a magnifying glass through which coping skills Stop working, because with the child you lose control. Add to that: hormones, lack of sleep, a tremendous sense of responsibility and all of these things together ensure that the pink cloud isn’t always there.”

Tips to feel better

Does Timmer have any other tips for taking better care of yourself when you’re not feeling well? Timers: “If you notice that you aren’t sleeping while your baby is sleeping, you probably have a lot of anxiety in your head. You should definitely not ignore this signal.”

“Do you feel insecure when you see how other moms are doing on social media? Then it pays to look at your phone less. If you start comparing yourself to others and that makes you insecure, you paint the short straw. So. Are you a perfectionist?” Try to lower the level, otherwise you will always feel like a failure.”

Helping hand

If you see that a mom in your area is going through hard times, how can you help her? timers:It takes a village to raise a childUnfortunately, our society is individual. If you see a mother struggling, just ask her, “What can I do for you?”

It’s often the little things you can help with: take the elderly for a walk so mommy can feed the baby, take the baby for a walk so she can take a shower, or get a errand or a vacuum cleaner: all of these little things add up to something great. big difference. Many mothers do not dare to ask for help and every little helps.”

Finally, Timmers would like to stress: “If you’re not sitting on a pink cloud, realize it’s not your fault. It’s not a choice, you can’t do anything about it. It happens to you. Realize: I didn’t choose it, and above all Something. Try to be kind to yourself.”

Category: friend request

In this weekly column asks for a friend We present readers’ questions about health to one of our experts. Do you also have a burning health question to ask your GP, obstetrician, dietitian, psychiatrist or other health expert? Mail it to weekmagazine@rtl.nl and you’ll probably see the answer here soon

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