A friend of mine graduated in the summer of 2020 with beautiful grades from the Amsterdam Conservatory in beeps, beeps, and grunting music. This is the familiar name I use for cyberbullying. I think he calls it techno himself. And to my surprise, there seems to be a huge market for it. With a bit of luck, my friend will break internationally as a DJ one day, then fly by private jet to the Olympic Stadium in Seoul one day and the next in front of a crowd outside Los Angeles.
But for now, this is still an illusion. Fate wanted the world to catch a new virus around his graduation. According to some, nothing more than a flu, but one that made it impossible to get coffins around the world. So my techno friend can rock it as a DJ for now. Dreams of huge theaters and raucous festivals are dashed. Even performing at a beach disco, community center or brown bar turned out to be a very good thing. Fantasies about owning a plane gave way to concerns about how long he could buy a car.
Fortunately for him, a new fashion broke out: the podcast. For those who missed it: A podcast is a type of radio broadcast that you listen to online at your convenience. Suddenly a source of income for my friend appeared out of nowhere. Since you usually need a nice background for TV and radio – and therefore also for podcasts – an “audio collection” makes listening more engaging. An introduction, some twists, an epilogue, and if all goes well, a jingle song and a bunch of “categories family”. My friend Techno recently managed to make a ‘background soundtrack’.
all the celebrities
Podcasts have appeared like mushrooms and are about anything and everything. About current topics, about historical events, about sports, fashion, crime, food, you name it. Well, just like the radio. And of course internationally. Just like a virus that doesn’t stop at national borders, podcasts are also coming over us from all directions. Blogs and vlogs will soon become obsolete, and the awesome videos of these terrible influencers will become completely obsolete. Anyone who represents something in the world, or wants to mean something, has their own podcast. And so are all celebrities, both real and wished celebs.
You wonder where these people get the time. Because if they’re not doing a silly TV show or they’re on a horrible game show, they’re busy making a cookbook or using Twitter, instagram or tik-tok. After all, the whole world needs to know what they ate for breakfast that morning, how cute their dog, cat or child looks, where they go on vacation (usually Ibiza and so on in Dubai) how much the war in Ukraine affects them and how sad they are. They are in the death of other celebrities.
And now they all have to join the podcast. As if, after the stand of Af Brandt Curstius, I want to listen to it again in the morning in Volkskrant, with rush chick Mark Marie Hoygbrigets. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Paul de Leeuw regularly joins Today Inside. Like I’m waiting for Tooske Ragas – the host of Quality Shownieuws – about motherhood. Or defeats Monica Josie, that stupid goose who barely manages to answer a single question in “De Slimste Mens”.
And it spreads. The offer is now endless. Gordon – of course not among them, Kim Cotter, Rode de Wilde, Pauline Cornelissen, Marcel van Rosmalen, Gijs Gruntmann, Martin van Rossem, Paul Heinen, Hans Tyuen, Hans Dorstegen, Sander Schmelbeinenck and even Paul Wittmann. Before you know it, Angela DeYoung will hear for the umpteenth time that week about “Farmer Wants Woman,” because she already told her story at OP1 and/or at Jinek and/or at Today Inside. But you can also visit it voluntarily. Of course, the exotic Maanzusjes Van Lexmond was also included in the list, because those of their fake spirit stones must also be sold.
Like Facebook and other social media sites, it doesn’t stop at the egos of ordinary people. Corporations, institutions, governments, and the media have also made this phenomenon their own. So you watch a TV show and you see at the bottom of the screen that you can also listen to their podcast. You read the newspaper and are notified of the postal broadcast on the same or related topic. Everyone imitates each other. Even the smallest of local newspapers and door-to-door newspapers are now moving to the new terrain. Mostly don’t listen. You used to make the joke “he/she has a good face for the radio”, now the alternative “he/she has a good voice for the newspaper” seems to apply.
It will last for a while. Until something new introduces itself. Read that Malou van der Starre – Who doesn’t know it? With 909 followers on Instagram and 557 on Twitter, they made a successful podcast “Eitje” about the difficulty of fulfilling her desire to have children. It seems to touch a chord, as it has over 100,000 listeners. This is a different story than those trivial numbers on Instagram and Twitter. With these numbers, all kinds of business revenue models present themselves instantly. So for a little longer and you can also watch diarrhea ads at online casinos with podcasts.
Now there is nothing better to vent the suffering. So, it is waiting (if not already) for podcasts of people with a childhood full of abuse and abuse, struggle to get out, fight anorexia, tendency to self-mutilation, tackling Srebrenica or other war traumas, suicidal desire Living with a man/woman with Alzheimer’s, ringing or ringing in your ear, suffering from a stutter or a cleft lip (or both at the same time) and of course – this was something for Jan rot too – on the way to the end with a terminal illness.
There are now podcasts that you have to pay to listen to. Dag en Nacht Media, a Dutch podcast provider active since 2016, acquired by Danish Podimo; A company similar to Netflix that offers listeners a full range of programs for a fixed amount per month. The company was already active in Denmark, Norway, Germany and Spain. So we can go on for years. Where people find time to listen to everything outside of me. I can’t keep up with the collection of newspapers, TV, radio, Spotify, Netflix, NPO-plus, etc. etc.
But my friend of the beeps, the beeps, and the grunting music – if it continues like this – will soon be able to buy a nice new car.