It just happens to you one day… You hear yourself talking and you realize: Oh no, you’re really starting to look like my mom now!
Eileen (36): “My mom is known to many members of the same family. Really, she has a cliché or advice available for every situation. Her name is Wilma, so her words are jokingly referred to in our environment as ‘Wilma’s wisdom.’ When I was a child I used to dream about her sayings. When I was worried On something, she would say, “Man suffers the most from the suffering he fears.” If I could not sleep, it was like this: “If you do not sleep, you will rest anyway.” And then there was: “There cannot be.” , “If your friend jumps in a hole, will you jump in yourself too?” “Time is running out, use it,” “You are not made of sugar” and “If I had more than two hands, I would work in the circus.” When I became a mother, I decided to keep the clichés to a minimum, because as a child I often found it annoying to hear the same thing always. But yeah, it’s so ingrained in my head that it often comes out of my mouth like it’s on its own. Just yesterday my son complained of having to walk to school in the rain. “You are not …” I began, murmuring: “Yes, yes, from drunkenness.” I’m afraid to pass on Wilma’s wisdom to the next generation.”
the silent treatment
Patricia (45): “My parents never argued. When I was a kid I was convinced of this, and until I was growing up I thought there wasn’t any disagreement at all. I didn’t hear them yelling at each other. That’s why it was so weird when they suddenly announced their separation when I was At 25, because they hadn’t been happy together for a long time. It turns out disagreements did exist, but were never fought or resolved. My mother kept her mouth shut for weeks and my dad went with her. When I got into a relationship around my thirties, I resolved to Talking about things and always clearing the air.But the problem is that I can’t.If there is a disagreement, I will be completely silent.I find it hard to put my feelings into words and discussions make me so nervous that I don’t really know what to say.In the end it will cost your relationship and so I do I do my best to talk about everything, but this silent treatment is very deep inside of me.”
Veneta (44): “You can’t call my mother unless she’s in the doctor’s waiting room. I’m not exaggerating when I say she comes every two weeks, when—and that’s the crazy thing—she’s as healthy as a fish. And that’s been true for as long as I can remember.” A spot on her arm Skin cancer Sore throat Primary abscess Pain in her knee Osteoarthritis When I was a kid I was dragged relatively often to the doctor But I was never wrong When I was old enough to realize my mother had hypochondria “I decided I’d never be. A doctor’s time is precious and obviously my mother wasted it a lot. Plus, if you’ve always thought you’re doing something serious, you’re talking yourself down the drain. And yet, her hypocrisy didn’t go through me. I just started.” When I became a mother. Three weeks later I went to the doctor for the first time with my daughter. She had a red spot and I already saw on the Internet that she must have had meningitis at least. With such a small child, the doctor is still tolerant, then everyone understands that you I get worried quickly.But the child is now fourteen years old and I have to hold back c I erase myself so that I don’t have anything to do with her every week. Because I used to find it so annoying to myself, I do my best not to let my daughter notice it. This works, but for me it is more difficult. My husband doesn’t let me go to the doctor more than once every three months with all the sores or bumps. Somehow I’m glad he stopped me, otherwise, like my mother, I would have been kicked out the door. But oh, how hard it is to not call me sometimes when I have something stuck in my head again. “
You can learn to delegate
Alyssa, 33: It’s obvious that my mother used to wear pants in our house. What she wanted happened, and my father did everything she said to him. When he thought otherwise, my mother was very angry and after a little protest, he did as I asked him. As a child, I also realized this was a bit crooked, and when I got into a relationship myself, I wanted more equality than I saw between my parents. But my boyfriend and I had only been living together for a week when I heard myself say to him in the same tone my mother used to say, “Pascal, you’re going to fold the towels now.” My friend didn’t know what hit him. And I was disappointed, because what happened to the equal division of tasks and the counseling model I so wanted? I’m working on it, but it’s still a point of interest.”
Moms don’t dance
Lena (39 years old): “I was always shy when we were having a party, at our house or anywhere else, and after a few glasses of wine, my mom started dancing. Terrible, when I was a child I preferred to hide on the floor. I always avoided my kids like this Terrible habit. I thought. But unfortunately, when I have wine and someone plays music, I just had to move. And then I’m also in the middle of a dance party. Fortunately my kids don’t care as much as I used to, but then I always think: Was that really necessary? But hey, wine, huh?”
Yara (32): “I found it very annoying when my mother cleaned my mouth with her wet finger before I walked into the schoolyard. I could still hear myself awkwardly screaming: ‘Hmm…’ I would never do that with my kids. Unfortunately, those failed. The plan. My oldest daughter has been going to school for a few months now, and it happens so regularly that I only notice a speck of toothpaste or peanut butter at the last minute. Sure enough, then I brush it off with my wet finger. Which my daughter tells her in the same tone I used to say: My God …”
Kristel (50): When my mother got angry, she was often very irritable. Then she cries and screams and feels sorry for herself. Because she did everything for her family anyway, and that was never appreciated – that was always the problem. As a teenager, I often found it so embarrassing how to act that I decided at a young age: I wouldn’t be like this. I’ve kept it for a long time, especially when my kids were younger. But teens can really get blood from under your fingernails. That was enough for the last month: the house was a big mess with the boys’ rooms like a pig’s crest, and of course the fridge was looted again and suddenly it exploded. I screamed things like, “Why do I always have to do everything here?” and “I am not your slave!” Crying, screaming, pitying myself, I was exactly my mother. After that I felt ashamed, but this blast had an effect. The teens meticulously cleaned their rooms that afternoon.”
Rienke (41): “How many times has my mother’s eternal comprehension bothered me. Or comprehension, is actually more explanatory. She never dared to take a stand, she always allowed herself to walk everywhere. Then she kept looking for ways to justify the other person’s behavior. On For example, when she divided the inheritance of her parents, her brother treated her rudely. Instead of defending herself, she said, “Yes, but he needs money more, I understand.” And when my brother treated her disrespectfully and also took money that he never paid back, she said: “He passes On a tough stage with himself.” Yeah, bye, he was too lazy to work and this seemed like an easy way to get money. I cut myself off from my brother and resolved to always hold others accountable for their responsibilities instead of justifying everything. Until last year, he was My son misbehaves in school, he even physically harmed many friends. I had to go to the teacher and the first thing I said was, ‘He finds it very difficult to move his best friend and has difficulty dealing with his feelings. Moreover, he was challenged by The other guys. Eh… Was I correcting his behavior? When I started thinking about it, I realized I do it a lot see. The colleague who puts almost all of her work on my board, I said of her, “It’s not easy for her to get divorced.” I also understood that a friend called me endlessly to complain about her husband, but he was not at all ready for me. “She’s too busy with three guys.” If she was this busy, she probably wouldn’t have time for those complicated phone calls with me, right? I could name one example after another, the justification apparently just crept in. Since then I have become more aware of it. I addressed my son so badly about his behaviour, I cut off my girlfriend’s calls after ten minutes. And my colleague got her work back, oh my god.”
Annemieke (34): “My mom is the sweetest woman I know, but I must admit she’s the scariest. She really lives with a great fear of the world. She always assumes that something serious can—and will happen—. She doesn’t drive for fear of accidents, if they happen.” Just a stranger, she is convinced that trick chatting is played and in the winter rarely comes out because: slippery. Even if it’s six degrees above zero. I still hear her voice every time I’m on the field: “Mickey watch out, it’s not too loud, no, stop “Get down, don’t get off the slide, you’ll break your back!” Terrible, you’re afraid of everything as a kid when you hear that so much. I wanted to send my kids out into the wide world with confidence. They had to be able to literally discover their limits by trial and error, free From excessive worry. But alas, it goes without saying. Every time we were in the playground, I heard myself shouting again, “Beware, watch out, not too loud!”
Text: Mariette Middlebeck
Photo: Getty Images
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